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Tired , Angry, and Fed Up

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:36 PM
  • 25 Replies

Hi everyone.

 I'm quite new to the site but not to being a step mom. Which I technically am not,yet. I've been with my boyfriend going on 5 years now. When I met him my SD was 2 years old. She is now 7. I have raised her these past 5 years as I raised my own children. My biggest frustration is her BM. Yes, she sees my SD . 6 hours a week and every other weekend. I stopped working about 11/2 years ago to be home for my SD. I have done the job that her BM is supposed to do. School, Doctor's appointments ( the Dr. Office has put me down as a parent because I am the one that brings her all the time) etc. All the things that custodial step moms do. The BM calls me nasty names, tells me I'm not my SD's mother and to quit trying to act like I am. But in the same breathe tells me she can't take her to the doctors for whatever reason ... There is always one. Or do any of the things that need to be done for her everyday. Its always someone elses fault as to why she doesnt spend more time witn her . I'm tired and angry and just fed up!!!!! 

My latest issue came when we allowed the BM to take my SD to California with her to visit family.. It's important that my SD knows her Mom's family.  Anyway, I am not away from my SD for more then a day at a time. She is with me more then she is with either of parents so being a parent I want to talk to her everyday while she is away.. Her BM refuses to answer my calls. She has instead , at first, sent me text messages about how she isn't going to answer my calls and it's her vacation and she doesn't have to deal with me... Now she just refuses to answer for me. She will answer the phone for my BF which is great but he works crazy hours and isn't always home or available when myself or my other daughter would like to speak to her!! I am at my wits end with the childish nonsense from the BM. Sorry for the long rant and my rambling... I have so much going through my head with the whole situation it hard to figure out what I want to say..I could go on for days 

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
love1nitaboo
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this

    Breathe :10.9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0.......I would not make it an issue on who do the better job or what you do for her. Being a step parent is hard but let her have her time with her mom. If you show the BM your frustration, she keep doing it just to under your skin. Try and take this time away from her for yourself. When your SD come home (and she will) tell her how much you missed her. Dont show no emotion about your feelings to the SD or BM. It make things WORSE. Let them have their time together. Think about yourself till she get back. GOD BLESS

Boobear110
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Thanks you. It is sometimes hard to separate myself from the situation. I do get emotional about the nonsense that the BM pulls when she has my SD. In my eyes she is my daughter. I don't think there is anything wrong with me talking to her everyday while she is away.
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1boy1girlmama
by *Sarcasm Speaks* on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Try and calm down, I know it's hard. Let her have her uninterrupted time with her mom and their family. I am a non custodial stepmom and it so so annoying when SS's mom would call and bug us when we were trying to have family time because she wanted to talk to him. We would be spending time with or as a family and oop it's BM again pulling SS out of whatever we are doing. It also was hard on SS because he would be perfectly fine then talk to her and it would pull his head out of our family and he would get depressed and miss her. Just let them have their time.

NDADanceMom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:25 PM
Unless there is a court order that u talk to her daily you need to let it go. When my kids go to camp i don't talk to them all week. It's not a big deal. You can miss your boyfriends daughter all you want but pushing it will make it worse.
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Boobear110
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:29 PM
I talk to my own children everyday while I'm away or they are. I don't put my SD in a separate category because I didn't give birth to her. I'm not trying to push myself on my SD or interrupt their time. I told her BM it fine if they are busy. Just have her call when your not. I do see your points and they are valid. The difference is that the BM chooses not to talk to my SD everyday I don't choose that for her.. She goes a week without seeing or speaking to her. The most I have ever been is 1 full day.. So it's hard. I do appreciate everyone's input and it does make me see a different side of it
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nurse1997
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I AGREE WITH LOVE1NITABOO IF THE GAMES GET OUT OF CONTROL PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN YOU HAVE MORE LEGAL RIGHTS IF SHE LIVES WITH YOU MORE THAN MOM !!!

Thunderbug75
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 I understand your frustration. But as hard as it is I would just let it go. Have your BF check on hr well being until she is back home with you.

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:52 PM
Advise the court of her actions. Have the court force her to act like a mom or risk losing parenting time.
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Boobear110
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Thank you everyone for all of your insite, it has helped. We are looking into what rights I do and do not have concerning my SD. I'm hoping that since I have raised her since she was 2 and she is now 7 that gives me something anyway. 

Stephanie329
by Platinum Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
First thing: you need to get married. If you don't and you two break up - you'll never get to see your SD. At least with a divorce, he can't just dump you and keep her away. You're treading on heartbreaking, dangerous ground here.
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