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How would you feel? Really need to rant right now!!! EDIT

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:02 AM
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1 mom liked this

So I overheard DH talking to BIL yesterday. From what I gather, BIL will not be able to pay for our gas to visit him as planned. Ok, not too big of a deal. But after waiting a few hours for DH to tell me what was going on, I finally asked. Apparently BIL "lost" $300 at the casino and won't be able to afford the gas money he promised us. I put lost in quotations cause this is the second time he has promised to foot the bill for gas and couldn't. The first time, he actually said he spent it at the casino, this time he says it fell out of his pocket. DH is giving him the benefit of the doubt, which totally irks me. I call BS. As a former gamblaholic myself, I know lies to cover your addiction when I hear them. And what really pisses me off, is DH knows and has told his brother that he has a problem. I've been in the room when he has said it over the phone and face to face, and DH is completely blunt about it. Tells him "Christian, you gotta stay away from the casino!" So, I told DH that I don't think Christian just dropped the money. I think he dropped it right into the slot machines. This made him upset, he said Christian wouldn't lie. WHAT??? He's your BIG brother, of course he will lie. He has a gambling problem, of course he will lie. And if it's so easy for him to feel his brother wouldn't lie, then why am I still considered a liar? My gambling problems are way past me, 6 years to be exact and I still get treated like I'm trying to hide something. Pisses me off so much, cause I was given an ultimatum, either get help or lose DH. Well, I made my choice, my marriage was more important, so I got help. I don't even think about gambling now. In fact, the last time we visited BIL, he suggested going to the casino and I blew him off saying we couldn't afford to lose the money. I guess I'm just really hurt cause DH thinks BIL won't lie to cover his addiction, and I'm so far away from ever being addicted again and still being treated like I'm lying, 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just get over it? How would any of you ladies feel?



EDIT...... For those of you missing the point. This is not a post on my financial status or whether my BIL has to pay us to come visit. We are financially stable, and do not need to be paid to visit anyone. The fact is, he asked us to come visit twice and offered to pay for the gas both times. We would have gone regardless since we were invited. But when someone offers to do something and then doesn't, that is rude. The last time I even said, if it was going to hurt him financially to not worry about it. But he insisted, then told us he couldn't do it and borrowed money from us when we got there. The point of my rant is how DH treats his brother who is a very obvious gamblaholic, as if nothing is wrong. And me, his wife as if I'm still gambling. I go to work and come home, when we go out it is always together. It doesn't have to be that way, but that is what we choose. He is with me 24/7 unless I'm working. And since the paychecks keep coming in and are the same amount every 2 weeks, he has no reason to question there. My point is I no longer gamble and DH knows it, but I am treated as if I am, and it just sucks.

by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LostInLove2002
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:05 AM
No, not unreasonable. Painfully blunt maybe. But I, too, choose the direct approach. I'm guessing he doesn't want to admit that his big bro has a problem. Saying, "You need to stay away from the casinos" and "Dude, you've got a problem" are two different things. I certainly wouldn't hinge anymore of my plans based on your BIL's track record tho. If you can see him fine but if your plans are in anyway based on HIS partipation... forget it.
notjstasocermom
by Samantha on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:02 PM

I'm not sure which part you want advice on, the gas money? you being treated like you are lying?

NDADanceMom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Pay for your own gas. Problem solved. Sounds like you both have financial issues. He has the right to do what he wants with his money
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Izryalsmom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 3:34 PM
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No, we don't have financial problems, thank you very much. And both times we did pay for our own gas. That wasn't a problem. My issue is the fact that he has used the casino twice now as to why he didn't give the gas money that he offered in the first place. We live 300 miles away and no one ever comes to see us. It's always us going to them. So the fact that he asked us to go for a visit and would pay for the gas has nothing to do with our finances. You totally missed the point, but hey, I expected some snide remarked anyway. There's always someone wanting to start something instead of looking at the real issue and answering the real question. Of course BIL has a right to do what he wants with his own money. Where did I say that he didn't. But he shouldn't offer to pay for gas and then take it back because he spent it. Sorry, just my opinion, when I offer to pay for something, I pay. But my point was the fact that my husband still holds what I did 6 years ago against me and can't even admit his brother has a problem.

 Not that it's any of your business, but I make good money. DH is a sahd. All bills are paid by me. Sounds like you are judging something you know nothing about.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Pay for your own gas. Problem solved. Sounds like you both have financial issues. He has the right to do what he wants with his money



Izryalsmom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 3:38 PM

Me being treated like I'm lying. The gas money wasn't a big deal, it was just a part of the story to explain why I'm pretty certain BIL has a gambling problem. There's other circumstances that point to it, but his gambling isn't my problem. It's the way my DH chooses to treat him as if he's a saint and I'm just nothing but a liar.

mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I don't blame you for your feelings AT ALL and would more than not feel exactly the same way  you do, and it's sad your still being treated like a liar. And yeah he should have kept to his word on the whole gas issue....All we have is our WORD .  It's sad way to many people are willing to just throw it in the trash >.<  (Through addiction's )

Izryalsmom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:44 PM
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Thank you. I agree, and I understood at the time 6 years ago having to earn my trust back. But damn, I feel I've done that already.


Quoting mom_dl6:

I don't blame you for your feelings AT ALL and would more than not feel exactly the same way  you do, and it's sad your still being treated like a liar. And yeah he should have kept to his word on the whole gas issue....All we have is our WORD .  It's sad way to many people are willing to just throw it in the trash >.<  (Through addiction's )



hellokittykat
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Your DH is in denial just like your BIL.  Both need help.  However, I wouldn't waste energy on convincing DH that your BIL is capable of lying.  It's more important to get BIL help with his addiction. You can't force him to change unless he wants to.  All you can do is print out a list of gambler's anonymous groups and articles and give them to him all at once, and just say, "Here are some things that helped me when I had this problem. I am hoping it will help you, too, because I care about you. It is there whenever you want to read them, but please promise me, you won't throw these away.  Just keep them.  You may not read them now, but just keep them for my sake.  It's important to me that I know you have them whether or not you actually read them."  That way, you plant this seed in their minds and it's not coming off too pushy or preachy.  When he has some down time or maybe has bad luck at the casinos one day, he'll see that pile of articles and maybe decide to read them.  You can't help someone change by attacking them. Honey works better than sour lemons.

Stephanie329
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 5:21 PM
He has to PAY you to visit him? How rude.
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Izryalsmom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:53 PM

No he doesn't have to PAY us to visit. You obviously missed the point. HE OFFERED to pay the gas, if we wanted to come visit. But that wasn't the point and I don't owe you an explanation.


Quoting Stephanie329:

He has to PAY you to visit him? How rude.



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