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Need some opinions with boyfriend telling me how to parent my children

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My boyfriend of three years has decided he wants to show his concerns with how I trust and parent my children...my daughter 16yrs and son 14yrs and I have an open relationship that we can talk about good or bad...praise or discipline...however now my boyfriend feels he can tell me that I should not trust them with certain things and has even to ld me that he's talked to his brother about how he thinks I am gullible and stupid...he also has children Rolf his own...6,8, and 14...he wants to tell me I should discipline my children similar to how he does his. I feel my children are my responsibility and while I appreciate that he shows care to my children, he really has no place in telling me how to trust or parent my children unless I ask for his opinion. Please tell me what u think...
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by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Replies (11-20):
Kris_PBG
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
He is out of line. Re-assert your boundaries with him.
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Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Hmm, that is tricky. I think maybe you just need to tell him that you appreciate all the advice but that you have this covered. I also disagree with PP about you being gullible and stupid if your daughter spends a lot of time with her boyfriend because then they are having sex. I think if you guys are living together and have kids in the house you guys need to be on the same page parenting wise so I would sit down and both lay it out on the table as to how you parent and what you think about the other persons parenting and find a middle ground. If your kids have given you no reason to not trust them then I do not see the issue unless you're letting them do stupid stuff... like throwing massive parties with alcohol for your 16 year old. If your doing that then I can see the issue, but otherwise you both need to be on the same page.

Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
No he does not spend the nite...and weather or not it is true about my daughter being sexually active of not...I don't feel it is something that my boyfriend should discuss with me..she has a father and a mother...and it is our business and hers...their are limits to what he can show concern or add opinions about...


Quoting Schauseil:

He is probably right about your ds. Do you let her bf stay the night? Is she allowed at his house? If they are spending alot of time alone together I would call you stupid and gullible too.




Quoting Tilly9798:

I appreciate that he cares for my children's well being..but when it comes to personal issues...especially with my 16yr daughter and her boyfriend of over a year...I do not feel he has the right to make any remarks or accusations for something he may not have any proof on...obviously I am taking about if my daughter and boyfriend are sexually active...something that I openly talk to her about and put trust in that they are practicing absence...but his insinuating that I am stupid and gullible because of his own experiences with being a parent I feel are unacceptable.


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Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:15 AM
My children and I have normal parent/children issues...and while my daughter was honest with me that her and her bf did experience sex...I have talked with both or them and his mother...letting them know that I am not accepting of it at their ages,,.i choose to use a different tactic as opposed to my bf that chose to scream and threaten and scare his daughter...of which I did not tell him he was doing wrong in my eyes...that is his daughter...not mine...I have put limits and restrictions on my daughter and her bf...and trust that my approach will be effective...


Quoting Mommy4-27-08:

Hmm, that is tricky. I think maybe you just need to tell him that you appreciate all the advice but that you have this covered. I also disagree with PP about you being gullible and stupid if your daughter spends a lot of time with her boyfriend because then they are having sex. I think if you guys are living together and have kids in the house you guys need to be on the same page parenting wise so I would sit down and both lay it out on the table as to how you parent and what you think about the other persons parenting and find a middle ground. If your kids have given you no reason to not trust them then I do not see the issue unless you're letting them do stupid stuff... like throwing massive parties with alcohol for your 16 year old. If your doing that then I can see the issue, but otherwise you both need to be on the same page.


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Schauseil
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
ok if thats how you feel, but I wouldn't expect the relationship to last. You can't expect him to play stepdaddy, love your children, nuture your children, and then be told to step the fuck back when it comes to real world issues. Esspecially in this situation, if she gets prego, guess sho is stuck with a teen mom and baby in the house? He is.


Quoting Tilly9798:

No he does not spend the nite...and weather or not it is true about my daughter being sexually active of not...I don't feel it is something that my boyfriend should discuss with me..she has a father and a mother...and it is our business and hers...their are limits to what he can show concern or add opinions about...




Quoting Schauseil:

He is probably right about your ds. Do you let her bf stay the night? Is she allowed at his house? If they are spending alot of time alone together I would call you stupid and gullible too.






Quoting Tilly9798:

I appreciate that he cares for my children's well being..but when it comes to personal issues...especially with my 16yr daughter and her boyfriend of over a year...I do not feel he has the right to make any remarks or accusations for something he may not have any proof on...obviously I am taking about if my daughter and boyfriend are sexually active...something that I openly talk to her about and put trust in that they are practicing absence...but his insinuating that I am stupid and gullible because of his own experiences with being a parent I feel are unacceptable.



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crysiann
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this

If you can't take constructive critism from your boyfriend, there is something wrong with your relationship. It actually is his business, do you live together? Or are you thinking of moving in together? If you both have different parenting styles, that will, or could cause trouble with your children. Try not to be defensive, listen to him, and maybe you will see that he has a point.

kitty8199
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:12 AM
I agree with him. You're gullible there.
I lied about sex to my mom. I wouldn't ever trust a teen full of hormones to abstain, no matter how much I've talked to them.
Maybe they aren't, but to not think they may be it's extremely naive.


Quoting Tilly9798:

I appreciate that he cares for my children's well being..but when it comes to personal issues...especially with my 16yr daughter and her boyfriend of over a year...I do not feel he has the right to make any remarks or accusations for something he may not have any proof on...obviously I am taking about if my daughter and boyfriend are sexually active...something that I openly talk to her about and put trust in that they are practicing absence...but his insinuating that I am stupid and gullible because of his own experiences with being a parent I feel are unacceptable.
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kitty8199
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:16 AM
I disagree. If he's around her for a long time, and three years is a long time, he has the right to express concerns about a child he's started to care for.
This man cares about your daughter and her well being.
You may want to listen before she ends up on 16 and pregnant.


Quoting Tilly9798:

No he does not spend the nite...and weather or not it is true about my daughter being sexually active of not...I don't feel it is something that my boyfriend should discuss with me..she has a father and a mother...and it is our business and hers...their are limits to what he can show concern or add opinions about...




Quoting Schauseil:

He is probably right about your ds. Do you let her bf stay the night? Is she allowed at his house? If they are spending alot of time alone together I would call you stupid and gullible too.






Quoting Tilly9798:

I appreciate that he cares for my children's well being..but when it comes to personal issues...especially with my 16yr daughter and her boyfriend of over a year...I do not feel he has the right to make any remarks or accusations for something he may not have any proof on...obviously I am taking about if my daughter and boyfriend are sexually active...something that I openly talk to her about and put trust in that they are practicing absence...but his insinuating that I am stupid and gullible because of his own experiences with being a parent I feel are unacceptable.


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MsMimna
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM

I would agree to disagree and thank him for his concern. This is a matter for you and their father to handle...after all he is the boyfriend....and he has his own children to worry about. It's ok to have different parenting styles, as you were raised differently. Good luck :))

kitty8199
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Haha you think telling her not to have sex bc you won't tolerate it at her age will work?
Better go set up the nursery. You think like my mom. Just tell them not to and they won't. Reality check, that doesn't work. Especially if they've already had sex.
Yelling isn't gonna work either, but how naive can you be? Your daughter told you they had sex, and you think they stopped just bc you said so?
Quoting Tilly9798:

My children and I have normal parent/children issues...and while my daughter was honest with me that her and her bf did experience sex...I have talked with both or them and his mother...letting them know that I am not accepting of it at their ages,,.i choose to use a different tactic as opposed to my bf that chose to scream and threaten and scare his daughter...of which I did not tell him he was doing wrong in my eyes...that is his daughter...not mine...I have put limits and restrictions on my daughter and her bf...and trust that my approach will be effective...





Quoting Mommy4-27-08:

Hmm, that is tricky. I think maybe you just need to tell him that you appreciate all the advice but that you have this covered. I also disagree with PP about you being gullible and stupid if your daughter spends a lot of time with her boyfriend because then they are having sex. I think if you guys are living together and have kids in the house you guys need to be on the same page parenting wise so I would sit down and both lay it out on the table as to how you parent and what you think about the other persons parenting and find a middle ground. If your kids have given you no reason to not trust them then I do not see the issue unless you're letting them do stupid stuff... like throwing massive parties with alcohol for your 16 year old. If your doing that then I can see the issue, but otherwise you both need to be on the same page.


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