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Need some opinions with boyfriend telling me how to parent my children

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My boyfriend of three years has decided he wants to show his concerns with how I trust and parent my children...my daughter 16yrs and son 14yrs and I have an open relationship that we can talk about good or bad...praise or discipline...however now my boyfriend feels he can tell me that I should not trust them with certain things and has even to ld me that he's talked to his brother about how he thinks I am gullible and stupid...he also has children Rolf his own...6,8, and 14...he wants to tell me I should discipline my children similar to how he does his. I feel my children are my responsibility and while I appreciate that he shows care to my children, he really has no place in telling me how to trust or parent my children unless I ask for his opinion. Please tell me what u think...
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by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Replies (21-30):
Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:57 AM

As I stated before, I appreciate that he cares for my child, however, this does not give him the right to discuss my daughters sexuality with his family members.  My daughter is now on birth control because I do not trust that it wont happen again, even with the restrictions I've placed with her not going to his house.  I still feel that there are limits on what my bf and I should feel is appropriate to discuss about each others children, certainly he has informed me of what he feels is appropriate or not.  So I guess what every mom on this forum should do is put no trust into their daughters, or sons, for that matter...once they hit puberty....which could be as young as 10 years, put them on birth control and hand them condems...bc kids are having sex as young as 12...

kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:01 AM
No what we're saying is don't be naive.
I agree he shouldn't discuss it with others, but he should with you.
If you saw his youngest playing in the street wouldn't you say something?
Same thing, he cares for your child. He wants her safe. So getting so defensive and "she's my kid" and maybe you can understand.
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girlwitha_nikon
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Do you want him to treat yourk ids how he treats his own, or do you want him to treat them like they are not a part of his family? You cant have botn.

legobaby
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:07 AM
Your boyfriend might be right about the sex. Most teens are not going to admit to it if they're doing it, no matter how much they normally share with their parents. It's just super awkward to admit to your parents, especially if you know they are against it.

However, your boyfriend doesn't need to be hateful about it. I would just tell him that it will be your problem and not his in the event that something bad happens. If you two get married, he really should be allowed a say, though, because her actions could majorly affect his life.
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abecee
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:13 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd tell him how I raise my kids is not his business. I would also know there is no chance of a long term committed relationship with him.  He is too controlling.

Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:13 AM

I appreciate all the advice and opinions, as it is hard to give all details to what I am dealing with.  In my eyes I was not being naive as I was letting my daughter know she can come to me and feel comfortable talking about sex, she chose not to and go to a cousin which in return went to my bf's daughter who informed her mother, but failed to inform me.  I have never thought that the day would not come when I found my daughter to be sexually active, in fact when I informed her father she felt the same as I, it was something we were expecting to hear sooner than later.  But in the same aspect, I cannot lock my daughter up and keep her sheltered from making mistakes...just as myself and her father she will experience life and all the trials and tribulations.  What I can do I show her that I accept her for her mistakes and will educate her with my experiences and how to be healthy and take percaution.  In no way would I make her feel asshamed nor embarssesed...just as I should not be made to feel stupid, naive, gullible or that I am not making the choice my boyfriend would make in regards to his sexually active daughter.

Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I want him to show concern when needed, yes, but no I do not want him to think he can tell me how to raise my children or that he would deal with a situation differntly.

Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:27 AM

What I don't understand, his daughter became sexually active at the age of 14, experiencing a little more than conventional intercourse...yet he believes and puts trust in her that she is refraining from any sexual activity with her present bf.  I myself do not believe that she is a virgin nor not participating in sex, but her father and mother thinks she is...now that is naive...to know yr daughter have performed sexual acts on a boy a year ago, but not with her boyfriend now??

Seagodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I think your BF has every right to talk to you about your parenting and children. He has been living with all of you for  years. At some point you have to work as a team to parent ALL of the kids. Yes you should have more say in the long run about your kids and he should have more for his kids... however if you plan to be a couple and stay together, you have to work together. If he has concerns, he should be able to talk to you about them and you should consider what he is saying. After this long he knows how things work and understands your kids and should have some say in rules.

I think its great that you have a open relationship with your kids. It good that they can come to you with anything. However if you truly think the DO or will continue to come to you with EVERYTHING, then I have to agree with your BF that you are gulible.

Miller0305
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:46 AM
I would never bring a man around my kids that isn't their father.
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