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Need some opinions with boyfriend telling me how to parent my children

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My boyfriend of three years has decided he wants to show his concerns with how I trust and parent my children...my daughter 16yrs and son 14yrs and I have an open relationship that we can talk about good or bad...praise or discipline...however now my boyfriend feels he can tell me that I should not trust them with certain things and has even to ld me that he's talked to his brother about how he thinks I am gullible and stupid...he also has children Rolf his own...6,8, and 14...he wants to tell me I should discipline my children similar to how he does his. I feel my children are my responsibility and while I appreciate that he shows care to my children, he really has no place in telling me how to trust or parent my children unless I ask for his opinion. Please tell me what u think...
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by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Replies (31-40):
Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:56 AM
When he first told me not to trust my daughter.,.i had just gotten off the phone with her,..her and her bf were walking back from the corner store...a 5 min walk...that is when my bf was insinuating that they were doing something else...and told me to call her again...I told him that it not that I was not thinking of the possibility that she may not have had experienced sex...but that I was choosing to trust her at that moment that they were walking home...of which they returned within mins....he proceeded to tell me I was stupid and gullible and that his brother felt the same...I never said that I don't take criticism from my bf...but if I disagree with what he is saying at the time and is insinuating is happening at that time...I'm going to become defensive and left him know he is overstepping boundaries....I simply told him I am trusting my daughter that they are on their way home and he continued to provoke the sotuation...
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Melissa-mama-4
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:01 PM
I'm probably not a good one to give advice on this. I am in a similar situation. I'm very defensive about my parenting abilities. I feel they are your children and you have been doing just fine this long he needs to back you up but butt out
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Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:07 PM
Thank you...I appreciate that...and it's not that I haven't taken advice in the past...just this personal of a subject is something I choose to discuss with her father...and for how he pryed into her personal business causing his daughters mother to pass around my daughters personal information was uncalled for and inappropriate...just as it was inappropriate for me to make the statement or quote the reason about why he does not trust his daughter doesn't mean I should trust mine...for which I apologized...


Quoting Melissa-mama-4:

I'm probably not a good one to give advice on this. I am in a similar situation. I'm very defensive about my parenting abilities. I feel they are your children and you have been doing just fine this long he needs to back you up but butt out

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Seagodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM

 I agree with you in this situation. If he is saying you are stupid all the time, that is a issue.

 I just think that if you are going to be in a long term relationship with someone who is living with you and your kids, parenting should be done as a team effort. Not, you parent your kids and I'll parent mine.

I would also like to point out, no matter how open your relationship is with your kids...there are going to be things they do that you will probably never find out about. I was always considered the "good one" out of all my friends. Didn't have bf's, didn't smoke, drink, hang out with bad people, always did what I was told. Everyone was completely 100% shocked, even my best friends, when they found out 6 months later while playing truth or dare that my first time having sex was when I was 15 and a one night stand with a guy I had never met before while baby sitting his cousin.


Quoting Tilly9798:

When he first told me not to trust my daughter.,.i had just gotten off the phone with her,..her and her bf were walking back from the corner store...a 5 min walk...that is when my bf was insinuating that they were doing something else...and told me to call her again...I told him that it not that I was not thinking of the possibility that she may not have had experienced sex...but that I was choosing to trust her at that moment that they were walking home...of which they returned within mins....he proceeded to tell me I was stupid and gullible and that his brother felt the same...I never said that I don't take criticism from my bf...but if I disagree with what he is saying at the time and is insinuating is happening at that time...I'm going to become defensive and left him know he is overstepping boundaries....I simply told him I am trusting my daughter that they are on their way home and he continued to provoke the sotuation...


 

Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you're absolutely right...and you should tell him what you said in your post...Tell him you appreciate his concern but you would appreciate it more if he would keep his parenting advice to himself, they are your children and you will parent them your way, just as he parents his children his way.

Tilly9798
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:35 PM
I think parenting as a team is ideal when dealing with yr significant others children...however there are some things that only the biological parents should address...all kids will make mistakes...think they ate old enough to experience things...but until u know for sure...to make an assumption and ridicule yr significant other is not the best approach
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trainlady
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

First question: is the method you are using now working? If the answer is yes then forget what these guys are telling you. Every parent has problems with their kids and especially when they get into their teenage years. But if you have any of your problems under control and you and your children feel comfortable with it why mess it up by changing gears at this time. If and when you come to a point where you no longer can work with your kids then you can look for other solutions. But again you don't necessarily need to use these guys methods. They might not suit your situation. I personally would prefer a counselor for teenagers rather than some relative, or other person like that. What they are doing with their children may be working just fine for them, but you are not them and neither are your children. Tell the gentlemen that you would prefer to continue with your style and while you appreciate their input you will put it aside for now. If they can't deal with that tough. Hang in their its your children and your job.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:18 PM

If you plan to marry this man, he DOES need to have a say in how the children are parented. 

If you both love eachother and want to make this work, then you need to sit down and discuss this. And come to a compromise. 

MicheleJM
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree...if he has a point it's worth listening to but I don't take someone calling me an idiot kindly.  And he ought not talk to anyone about what is between you and him.  That's how trouble in families start--I learned the hard way.


Quoting Mama110981:

I think u need to REset those boundaries with him. If its an issue and if hes talking down to u/abt u than maybe u should see that as red flags.



LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to tell him. Just say "look i appreciate you are concerned for my children, but i will choose how to parent them. I trust them, they havent given me a reason not to. This is how i vhoose to parent, end of story." You also need to address the fact that he is calling you names to his family, that would cause me to reevaluate my relationship, it shows he has no respect for you.
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