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RSVP & thank you notes...are they obsolete or something?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:02 AM
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2 moms liked this
My son's birthday is Friday; his party is on Sunday. We go through this every year. People do not RSVP anymore. This year we had THREE responses by the RSVP date out of 18. One mom called yesterday, a day AFTER the RSVP date, and informed me she'd let me know by Friday, since her other children play soccer & she doesn't know if they have games yet. IMO that is rude! I need to make a final head count for the gymnastics facility, bake cupcakes, make goody bags, etc. As of Sunday night (the RSVP date) I thought I might have to cancel the party & forfeit my $100 deposit, since I am obligated to pay for 12 kids for the base price of $285. Monday (yesterday) the responses FINALLY started coming in, and now we're up to 10 kids, so I'll go ahead as planned. Does anyone else find this to be an issue? On the other side, we have thank you notes. Or, rather, we DON'T seem to have any! We've been to about 4 parties this school year and haven't received ONE thank you note. Anyone else experiencing the same? Can anyone shed some light on WHY?
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dbush0584
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:05 AM
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I have this problem also...thats why I only invite maybe one or 2 friends from school and the rest are friends kids.  Thank you notes arent as big of a deal I guess.  I isend them but I've NEVER gotten one.  My mail problem is inviting all these kids then not knowing whos coming.  I think next time on the invites I'll put, "if no RSVP by ___ then please do not show up at the party"

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:12 AM

I don't know.  I have the same issue.  I think it may be because some people put RSVP Regrets only and others put RSVP.  I send out emails and texts as a 'hint' that I am looking for a headcount.  I always have the boys do thank you notes for  gifts they recieve from people who are not present to say thank you face to face.

grammarpolice
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:24 AM



Quoting ScrChk23:

I don't know.  I have the same issue.  I think it may be because some people put RSVP Regrets only and others put RSVP.  I send out emails and texts as a 'hint' that I am looking for a headcount.  I always have the boys do thank you notes for  gifts they recieve from people who are not present to say thank you face to face.


So if a child attends your son's party, brings a gift, he's obviously present to say "thank you" to. So do you make a point of having your son thank each child for the gift before they leave? And then don't send a written thank you? I'm just trying to gain some insight into why people don't send them like they used to. In my area, NO ONE opens gifts at the parties anymore. The gifts are usually just put in a designated spot (table, floor, whatever) and they go about the party activity, then eat & have cake, goody bags are usually handed out as the guests leave and that's it. The birthday child takes the wrapped gifts home at the end of the party to open at home. It's not how I remember from my childhood when opening the gifts (and saying thank you immediately as each was opened) was a central part of the party. Even so, we always still sent a thank you. But now, the birthday child doesn't even KNOW what the gift is by the time the party is over - IMO it's appropriate to say "thank you" in general (for attending, for the gift) as the guests leave, then write a specific thank you for the gift once you have opened it. Am I alone?

p608319chef
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this
For my sons first birthday we did it at a bowling alley/ bounce house this year. I did invites 3 weeks ahead bc you either pay per kid or groups of ten at a discount rate. Well we weren't doing food for everyone just did cake and stuff bc it was after lunch and this place would have cost 300-400 to fed people and i had kids with food allergies coming so i didn't want him to be the only one who couldn't eat bc you couldn't bring outside food. Anyways, two hours before his party may entire family decides to show up. My parents call by the way we are five minutes down the road its gonna be an extra 10 kids and 10 adults. There was like 40 people there. 2 of them brought my son anything. And then were like " oh soyou paying for all our kids and our food?" And my family do not like many sons dad and i being together so they didn't say anything And reflected him to not be there. Yea people have no manners anymore. Oh and then when i have my son his smash cake my sister is sitting right beside him like " he don't need that cake he is going to get sick." And before even singing happy birthday she is trying to cut into his custom gourmet birthday cake instead of the cupcakes i brought for kids
grammarpolice
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:36 AM

Well, I made up 10 goody bags last night, and have supplies for two more which I'll make up before the weekend. We have 10 guests confirmed plus the birthday boy. I have to pay for 12 guests no matter what. I'll be a little annoyed if more show up without RSVP-ing because I have to pay $18.95 per child for over 12 guests. And the food is not included in the $285 price. I need to order pizza, so I figure 5 pies ought to cover 13 kids plus parents. And I plan to make two dozen cupcakes. So anyone who didn't RSVP will probably not get a goody bag. Is that tacky of me? I only have supplies for 12. I always over buy and end up with extras & this year I didn't. I DO have extra "gold medals" that I could place on the necks of the kids who might show up without RSVP-ing before they leave. (It's a gymnastics party at a  place called "Gold Medal Gymnastics"). I'm putting one in each goody bag, along with a few other toys & a few pieces of candy.

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this

If the gifts are opened at the party and my boys say thank you, then I do not have them send a card.  If someone sends a gift/card w/ money (like Grandpa from Wyoming), then I have him write a thank you.  He's 5 so the actual writing of a card falls on me and he signs his name.


If there are no gifts opened at the party, then everyone gets a thank you note.

Quoting grammarpolice:



Quoting ScrChk23:

I don't know.  I have the same issue.  I think it may be because some people put RSVP Regrets only and others put RSVP.  I send out emails and texts as a 'hint' that I am looking for a headcount.  I always have the boys do thank you notes for  gifts they recieve from people who are not present to say thank you face to face.


So if a child attends your son's party, brings a gift, he's obviously present to say "thank you" to. So do you make a point of having your son thank each child for the gift before they leave? And then don't send a written thank you? I'm just trying to gain some insight into why people don't send them like they used to. In my area, NO ONE opens gifts at the parties anymore. The gifts are usually just put in a designated spot (table, floor, whatever) and they go about the party activity, then eat & have cake, goody bags are usually handed out as the guests leave and that's it. The birthday child takes the wrapped gifts home at the end of the party to open at home. It's not how I remember from my childhood when opening the gifts (and saying thank you immediately as each was opened) was a central part of the party. Even so, we always still sent a thank you. But now, the birthday child doesn't even KNOW what the gift is by the time the party is over - IMO it's appropriate to say "thank you" in general (for attending, for the gift) as the guests leave, then write a specific thank you for the gift once you have opened it. Am I alone?



JN1207
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:46 AM
This was always a problem when I was planning my children's parties. The best thing to do is only invite the kids of families you know.
As for Thank you notes, I always passed them out the day of along with a keep sake or goody bag. That makes life easier....
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grammarpolice
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:53 AM



Quoting JN1207:

This was always a problem when I was planning my children's parties. The best thing to do is only invite the kids of families you know.
As for Thank you notes, I always passed them out the day of along with a keep sake or goody bag. That makes life easier....


That makes sense but only if you know a lot of people....he is new to his school this year (went to a private school K & 1) so we don't know many people. In fact, only one child attending isan "outside" friend NOT from his class. But in going to parties, I'm getting to know some of the moms, so next year should be easier. As for the thank yous being handed out at the end, it's better than not doing them at all, but I still think that especially since no one ever opens gifts at parties here, it's more appropriate to thank the person AFTER you know what the gift is. I try to get him to say, for instance, "Thank you for the Beyblade, it's the best one I have!" (make specific mention of what the gift is.)

TaralynnStewart
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:56 AM
I always RSVP (if we will or won't be attending) and we do Thank you notes within 24hrs.

My DD last birthday NO ONE RSVP'd and all 18 classmates showed up. It was beyond frustrating and it wasn't the first time it happened.
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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:59 AM
I don't know why but it's common. I agree, it's rude.
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