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Rita Rudners 50 facts about men

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:03 AM
  • 9 Replies

 1. Men like to barbecue.  Men will cook if danger is involved.

 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.  They've 
    experienced pain and bought jewelry.

 3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first
    few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most
    of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

 4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich"
    usually cancels out the nice of "bald."

 5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible.  In a world
    where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

 6. Men are very confident people.  My husband is so confident that
    when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
    concentrates he can help his team.  If the team is in trouble, he
    coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in
    trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

 7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during
    play-off season.

 8. Men like phones with lots of buttons.  It makes them feel important.

 9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning.  Not
    being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can
    ever care about anyone else.

12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public.  They can learn
    in private; in public they have to know.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.  I sleep with one under my
    pillow, instead of a gun.

15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner.  These men usually
     have jobs and bathe.

16. Men love watches with multiple functions.  My husband has one that
    is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship."
    These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General
    Schwarzkopf.

18. Men are sensitive in strange ways.  If a man has built a fire and
    the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to
    get a bikini wax.

20. All men think that they're nice guys.  Some of them are not.
    Contact me for a list of names.

21. Men don't get cellulite.  God might just be a man.

22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits.  Women have two types:
    depressing and more depressing.  Men have two types: nerdy and not
    nerdy.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women.  If your heating goes
    out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like
    portable heaters that snore.

24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men.  I've never seen a
    man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get
    me out of here.  There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

25. Most men hate to shop.  That's why the men's department is usually
    on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or
    more types of lettuce, he is serious.

27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a)
    got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are
    in for a nasty surprise.  The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works
    on cocoons and butterflies.

28. Men own basketball teams.  Every year cheerleaders' outfits get
    tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get bagggier and longer.

29. No man is charming all of the time.  Even Cary Grant is on record
    saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

33. Men are less sentimental than women.  No man has ever seen the movie
    THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love?  Am I emotionally and
    creatively fulfilled?"  Most men are outrospective: "Did my team
    win?  How's my car?"

35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...
    he didn't lose your number...he didn't die.  He just didn't want to
    call you.

36. Men hate to lose.  I once beat my husband at tennis.  I asked him,
    "Are we going to have sex again?"  He said, "Yes, but not with each
    other."

37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it
    out of sight of women.

38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.
    "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a
    challenge.  If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I
    love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children."
    Sometimes they leave skid marks.

39. Men accept compliments much better than women do.  Example: "Mitch,
    you look great."  Mitch: "Thanks."  On the other side: "Ruth, you
    look great."
    Ruth: "I do?  Must be the lighting."

40. Impulse buying is not macho.  Men rarely call the Home Shopping
    Network.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is
    for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do
    because their clothes all button and zip in the front.  Women's
    dresses usually button and zip in the back.  We need men emotionally
    and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
    superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up
    identifying with Barbie.

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she
    will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from
    his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause.  With female
    menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes.  Male menopause - you
    get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

48. That's why men need instant replays in sports.  They've already
    forgotten what happened.

49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

50. All men would still really like to own a train set

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:03 AM
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Replies (1-9):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:35 AM

laughing

lismore
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Lmao!!!! Love that :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:13 PM

BUMP!

VarelaClan
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:22 PM
Lol
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:45 AM

BUMP!

Tatiana7
by Princess on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 I love this! I'll be sharing it with my Husband later....

TrouserMouse
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:54 AM
I wonder how many don't even know who Rita Rudner is. I loved her. What is she doing now? I haven't seen her for years.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
myownparadise
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:01 AM
This is pretty funny!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:45 AM

I keep waiting for people to ask who she is.   I am not even sure if she is alive anymore.


Quoting TrouserMouse:

I wonder how many don't even know who Rita Rudner is. I loved her. What is she doing now? I haven't seen her for years.



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