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MIL asking when will I leave lo with her- Advice needed

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:45 AM
  • 72 Replies
1st off, we're Hispanic. I only say this because I know each culture has different things to say on the subject.

Personally, I don't want to leave lo with anyone unless I must like when I go back to work. In that case, I'd leave her in a daycare setting so she can interact with other children her age.

My MIL and I are family as far as that goes but we sometimes bud heads and she has a different parenting style than I do.

She wants me to leave lo with her for short periods at 1st- her words btw. I thinking I'm not leaving her alone with anyone. I want to know what you guys feel on this subject and how you would handle it. I really need outsider advice cause I'm obviously biased and my judgment may be clouded. I'm also a FTM and my side of the family is not in the picture by their choice. :/

Anyways, TIA. Ask me anything if you need more information to give me advice I need.
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by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
specialwingz
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Why wouldn't you want your MIL to watch the baby?  She raised your DH.  Apparently she can handle kids.  Has she done something that would make you not want her to watch your baby?  It's hard for mommies to be away from their babies at first.  But, you really DO have to get over that at some point.  

And, on that note, what does being Hispanic have to do with the situation?

Rosebud27aj
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:50 AM

I would not leave my boys with my mil. Last time I did that, my ds1 who was about 18 months at the time, screamed the whole time and all she did was sit there are watch her tv...never again will I do that. My kids are 6 and 3 now. She hardly pays any attention to them now. The only person I would leave my boys with is my mom, usually if i have appts. She is very good with them, they both have autism, so that plays a big part in who i can leave them with. 

asia84
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
What's FTM?
I'm not fond of my inlaws either. Feeling is mutual tho. But I usually don't have a choice in the matter. My hubs makes me leave the baby (17 months) with them. First time I left baby with them he was 5 weeks old & I cried any time anyone asked me about him. I was not at all comfortable leaving him with my inlaws. I'm more comfortable now. But I really don't like to.
They too parent differently than I do.
I don't have much advice :(
Just I know you feel :(
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MotherLady
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this
It might be hurtful to grandma to leave her flesh and blood with strangers, over her, if there aren't any huge reasons against it. Like chronic drinking etc. This is putting it in her perspective.

That being said, I feel that a. You follow your instincts as a parent. And b. daycare and interaction with other kids is a necessity to children. (Yes a lot of moms don't agree on point b.)

Can you give grandma one day a week? Say, Friday's that you're working are Grandma's day? Just to compromise?

The benefit in Grandma having her is that she can stick to some of the parenting choices you've made better than a daycare. Discipline styles. Etc. Plus, she will get the attention of her care provider without having to share with other kids.

And, the rest of the week at daycare you have your baby girl learning how to interact with kids her age, and other non family adults.

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Arenita54
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:56 AM
Honestly it has more to do with our different parenting styles more than anything else although I feel she's slowly losing her mind because she'll forget to do things and it runs in her family and I fear she'll forget to give lo what she needs. Also lo is more attached to my FIL than my MIL. My MIL overstimulates her a lot and makes her cry. We visit them once a week and sometimes more than that or they come over to visit as well.

And I'm not afraid to leave her at a daycare or with my husband. I just don't see why I have to leave lo with her especially now that she can't communicate yet. At the daycare I would send her to, they have cameras so I can see at any time I want what she's doing and with my husband, I trust him with my life.


Quoting specialwingz:

Why wouldn't you want your MIL to watch the baby?  She raised your DH.  Apparently she can handle kids.  Has she done something that would make you not want her to watch your baby?  It's hard for mommies to be away from their babies at first.  But, you really DO have to get over that at some point.  

And, on that note, what does being Hispanic have to do with the situation?


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Arenita54
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:58 AM
First time mom (FTM).

We get along for the most part but I just don't feel comfortable leaving her there. My instinct says no and she lives in a trailer with 2 dogs. :/


Quoting asia84:

What's FTM?

I'm not fond of my inlaws either. Feeling is mutual tho. But I usually don't have a choice in the matter. My hubs makes me leave the baby (17 months) with them. First time I left baby with them he was 5 weeks old & I cried any time anyone asked me about him. I was not at all comfortable leaving him with my inlaws. I'm more comfortable now. But I really don't like to.

They too parent differently than I do.

I don't have much advice :(

Just I know you feel :(

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aimesnyc
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:59 AM

I wish my MIL would offer more, to be honest.  Believe me, there will be times when you would like to have some time with your husband (like, perhaps a date), or something else may come up where you need someone to watch your LO.  You will need her, and you will need for your child to be used to staying with her.  It's family.  And your child's GRANDMOTHER, for God's sakes.  Unless she's a terrible person and abusive, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

asia84
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:59 AM
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"She raised your DH"..... Yea 30 YEARS ago!!! When times were so different!!

(&& looking at my DH sometimes makes me question her choices in how she raised him)

What's also helped me.. Is if mil says "oh he can have honey!" When I know damn well he can't (this is a example!!! I know he's old enough for honey now).. I've said "dr said...." Tell them dr said this or that. It shuts them up.
Raising babies has changed so much since when we were little.



Quoting specialwingz:

Why wouldn't you want your MIL to watch the baby?  She raised your DH.  Apparently she can handle kids.  Has she done something that would make you not want her to watch your baby?  It's hard for mommies to be away from their babies at first.  But, you really DO have to get over that at some point.  

And, on that note, what does being Hispanic have to do with the situation?


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specialwingz
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:00 AM

I wouldn't necessarily let MIL watch her while you are working.  Sounds like you have a good situation picked out for that.

Maybe you and DH need to plan a date night and let MIL and FIL watch her.  Just make sure FIL is going to be involved the whole time.  That might make MIL feel a little better and feel like she is involved in her granddaughter's life somewhat.

Quoting Arenita54:

Honestly it has more to do with our different parenting styles more than anything else although I feel she's slowly losing her mind because she'll forget to do things and it runs in her family and I fear she'll forget to give lo what she needs. Also lo is more attached to my FIL than my MIL. My MIL overstimulates her a lot and makes her cry. We visit them once a week and sometimes more than that or they come over to visit as well.

And I'm not afraid to leave her at a daycare or with my husband. I just don't see why I have to leave lo with her especially now that she can't communicate yet. At the daycare I would send her to, they have cameras so I can see at any time I want what she's doing and with my husband, I trust him with my life.


Quoting specialwingz:

Why wouldn't you want your MIL to watch the baby?  She raised your DH.  Apparently she can handle kids.  Has she done something that would make you not want her to watch your baby?  It's hard for mommies to be away from their babies at first.  But, you really DO have to get over that at some point.  

And, on that note, what does being Hispanic have to do with the situation?



Arenita54
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:02 AM
The things is she lives in a trailer and has 2 dogs and I just don't feel it would be in my lo's best interest to leave her with grandma.

Sides, I worked in daycares and I know how it works. It's what I want for my lo. She's very independent and I fear that grandma will spoil her and let her do things I never would. I think visits are fine and I don't see why I have to leave her. Sides when we visit, we stay do hours on end and they bond, although as I've said she likes her grandpa more than her grandma.


Quoting MotherLady:

It might be hurtful to grandma to leave her flesh and blood with strangers, over her, if there aren't any huge reasons against it. Like chronic drinking etc. This is putting it in her perspective.



That being said, I feel that a. You follow your instincts as a parent. And b. daycare and interaction with other kids is a necessity to children. (Yes a lot of moms don't agree on point b.)



Can you give grandma one day a week? Say, Friday's that you're working are Grandma's day? Just to compromise?



The benefit in Grandma having her is that she can stick to some of the parenting choices you've made better than a daycare. Discipline styles. Etc. Plus, she will get the attention of her care provider without having to share with other kids.



And, the rest of the week at daycare you have your baby girl learning how to interact with kids her age, and other non family adults.




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