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Spanking?

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:50 AM
  • 68 Replies
1 mom liked this

 

Poll

Question: Is spanking ever justified?

Options:

only for serious offences

Yes.

No,

Maybe?


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 56

View Results

I'm not a new mom, but just found out that my 3-year-old niece has been spanked. I never administered spankings to my kids, but was the recipient of many when I was a child - which probably explains why I never did it to mine. I don't think spankings are ever justified, and I don't think they actually teach anything except fear of parents (like it did for me). I would very much like to hear some alternate opinions, also, some thoughts as to how I should approach the parents of my adorable niece.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply!


EDIT:

Wow. I did expect some strong opinions, but not to the extent of so many people telling me to just shut the heck up and do nothing - and do it in such a rude, dismissive manner.

Here's one of my huge issues with spanking: Spanking is hitting.

There, I said it. Hitting a child is never right. Unless, maybe, you're swatting a child's hand away from a hot stove burner or something similarly dangerous. And in this case, it wasn't for something immenently dangerous - adorable niece made a mess. I think it's the height of hypocricy to teach a child that hitting other people is wrong, and then turn around and hit them when they do something wrong. Seriously, what does this teach them? That hitting is OK in some situations... as long as the hitter is older and has a "good" reason. The "good" reason usually turns out to be frustration on the part of the parents.

I understand that people all have their own ways of raising children, and in general I say "good on you!" But I do have a huge problem with the thought that "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out all right." I was, too, and yes, I did turn out pretty well. That doesn't mean I am going to raise my kids the same way my parents did. We should all learn from our own childhood experiences what works and what could be improved upon.

And again, thanks to all who take the time to read and respond. Even if you disagree with me, I want to hear that you've read my post and considered my opinions, and then taken the effort to explain your own.


Edit #2

So, there seems to be confusion about the definition of "hitting" vs. "spanking" so I thought I'd put some ideas out there.

What is the actual mechanism of "spanking?"

A - smacking a child's buttocks with the intention of causing pain and fear

How is this not "hitting?"

They both cause the same response - pain and fear.

Just because you "spank" a child on the buttocks without the intention of leaving marks or welts, does that really make it better?

Is the absence of marks or welts really the standard we want to set for the absence of actual abuse? There are plenty of ways of abusing a child (or person) without leaving marks or welts. These arguments leave open the definition of domestic violence as well.

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Retrokitty
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:52 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm against spanking but don't approach the parents, people are free to parent as they like.
I'm a fan of natural and logical consequences myself. I'm not a big fan of time outs at all.
outtamymynd
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:54 AM
3 moms liked this
You have no business approaching the parents, she is their child.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:11 AM
1 mom liked this

I would not approach the parents at all unless there is signs of bruising or welts.   There are so many other ways but we have used spanking as well .  DD does not fear us at all.

Mom2Five29
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:16 AM
9 moms liked this
I was spanked as a child and never feared my parent. I'm actually very thankful for them, I'd say I turn out well reared. We also spank, and my children don't fear us.
Now if the children are left with bruises or whelps, then I would defiantly address that with the parents, if not I would say you have no right
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this

if they aren't beating her... as in leaving marks ... don't worry about it.I heard that 80% of parents in America spank at least occasionally. and you know what most of those kids turn out fine and not afraid of their parents.it is a parenting style choice not a crime... at least not yet.

Carmen_CO
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:28 AM
No, it's not a crime. I'm just not sure it's a sound parenting decision. Don't get keep wrong - I love my parents. I just have some leftover hatred from the spankingsI received.


Quoting ditsyjo:

if they aren't beating her... as in leaving marks ... don't worry about it.I heard that 80% of parents in America spank at least occasionally. and you know what most of those kids turn out fine and not afraid of their parents.it is a parenting style choice not a crime... at least not yet.


nazgor
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:32 AM
I think you should myob. you parent your way, they parent theirs.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Carmen_CO
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:33 AM
1 mom liked this
She is my niece, and I am her godmother. Her father is my brother. Overall I think they do a very good job of raising her, I don't agree with the corporal punishment.


Quoting outtamymynd:

You have no business approaching the parents, she is their child.

kmorales7690
by Proud Army Wife on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:36 AM
1 mom liked this
A child shouldn't fear their parents, but I think they should fear the consequences of doing the wrong thing and making the wrong choices. We spank, but that is our choice. It's not your place to tell anyone else how to raise their child unless they are breaking the law.
mamaanl
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:37 AM

I don't think you need to approach the parents.  That is their child and they have every right to discipline the way that they choose fit.  I doubt they would take it very well if you tried to say they were wrong for spanking.  But that's just my opinion.  It's your family so you know how they would react to things like that better than we would.

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