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Is it fair?

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:01 AM
  • 12 Replies



Question: Is this fair?




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My husband has had a job now for about a year. He works nights, from 4pm-1am. Then he would come home and play video games which is fine by me, I normally ask him to play. But we got an apt. and we are in the processes of moving out of my parents house. So I got a job so I can help with bills and rent. I work morning and afternoons. 

But here is the problem, I wake up at 8:30am to get ready for work, breastfeed our 2 1/2 month old daughter. I do my hair, make up and brush my teeth. I dress our baby and pack her bag for the babysitters. I wake up my hubby and get him clothing. I pack the car and go to work. I get there at 9:45am to start at  10am. My hubby just has to drop of our daughter at the babysitters then he gets to go home and sleep again. I work from 10am until 2pm take a 30 minute break, when I call my hubby and talk to him about money and our wedding which I am planning. Then I go back to work and work until 3:30pm. My hubby normally picks me up at 4pm, then we pick up our daughter from the babysitters.

Then we drive out to his work because he starts at 5pm. My mom is his boss so I wait for her to get off work. She normally gets off work at 6 or 7pm. We then go home, where I have to feed my daughter, do laundry, clean the room, pack our stuff, feed the cat, work on the wedding plans, work on a budget because we have no money to spend on anything but bills. I have maybe 20 or 30 minutes to sleep because this is when my daughter is wake, and if she doesn't stay awake then she is up all night.

I have until 1am until my hubby gets home. We spend time together until about 3am, when I have to feed my daughter again before putting her to bed. Then the next day I am up at 8:30am again.... Is this fair? Did I get the bad end of the deal? Also I am only getting 15 hours a week where my husband is getting 45, Is this to much work for 15 hours a week?

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Emerald Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:22 AM

What type of job are you doing?  I say getting 15 of sleep a week would be no good for anyone since an adult typically needs at least 8 a night. IHow many hrs are you getting per night?

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:57 AM

 It sounds like it...You need sleep!

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:41 AM

The 15 hours is how mnay hours I work, not sleep but I am not getting much sleep either...

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:10 AM
What time do u get home after bringing your df to work?
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:17 AM

Fair? IDK..I dont know if fair even matters.

What is it you want from your husband that he isn't providing. Thats what I would look at and discuss.

I work late 4-1 or 2 am. so I know what it's like to have to work that....but as you can see I'm up now. I worked until 12 last night and nw it's 6:15...and I'm starting my day. 

by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:19 AM

Why doesn't your man just take care of your child while he is home? He can nap when the child naps?  He doesn't need to play video games, he should dial down and then go to bed to get some solid sleep and then get up when baby gets up to take care of the baby. It is his child just as much as it is yours. He should also be helping a bit around the house. As far as work goes, yes, it is worth it if you are bring in a positive income.... not paying a sitter more than you are making. If you are paying the sitter close to your income, then that is where having an unselfish man that takes care of his child instead of playing video games and sending his babysitter makes sense.  

On a side note, why are you calling him your hubby if you are planning your wedding?  Doesn't that make him your fiance?

by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:22 AM

It is your choice to wait up for your husband. You could sleep when you put the little one down, and get up and spend some time with him when he gets home!

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:33 AM

Wait. Why not get home after work and let your husband take the car. It's now 4 and you have planty of time to do whatever you want.

If your husband learned to come home from work and GO TO sleep ( and my sister worked nights for 20 years and did this) then he could wake up at  8:30 and be with HIS child. He could nap when she napped during the day.

Problem solved.

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:39 AM
If it were as simple a yes or no you wouldn't need advice or opinions. Its all in what your goals as a couple are. Is this situation permanent or temporary? Is you're Husband ok with the way things are? I mean it definitely doesn't sounds ideal but it may be a necessary discomfort until you can do better!
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:29 PM

permanent, and he is fine with the way things are.

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