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rape or not rape

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:21 AM
  • 28 Replies

So I was just randomly thinking about something. It seems to be well known that when a woman is raped there are certain questions that are asked. Such as what was she doing, what was she wearing, was alcohol or drugs involved, etc. Personally I do not believe that any of these things matter and that rape is rape. If you can't get an explicit and enthusiastic yes out of your "partner" then you shouldn't do it and its probably rape. Many other people though believe that some women should hold at least part of the blame because they put themselves in a bad position, such as going to a party and getting completely wasted.

I wonder how ppl would feel if the tables were turned though. Such as male on male rape. If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.

What if sex isn't involved at all? What if someone takes obscene photos or videos of Scott while his is passed out?

These are just some of the situations that I can think of. Many horrible acts have been done to women when they are in a vulnerable state and there is always someone ready to say it is her fault, at least in part, because of the situation she allowed herself to be in. So I just wonder how people would feel if the victim was male.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Seagodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this


 

Quote:

 If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

Quote:

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.


For both of these....If scott is passed out and doesn't know whats going on, yes its rape.

I would also like to add that if a person...ANYONE. Male or female go to a party or any place and get so drunk that they pass out and to the point where people do things to them without them knowing about it, they are completely irresponsible. If people can not figure out when enough is enough, they should have a sober friend with them to make sure they are safe, or should not be drinking at all.


 

Schauseil
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:43 AM

 


Quoting Seagodess:


 

Quote:

 If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

Quote:

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.


For both of these....If scott is passed out and doesn't know whats going on, yes its rape.

I would also like to add that if a person...ANYONE. Male or female go to a party or any place and get so drunk that they pass out and to the point where people do things to them without them knowing about it, they are completely irresponsible. If people can not figure out when enough is enough, they should have a sober friend with them to make sure they are safe, or should not be drinking at all.


 

What if Andy was the sober friend? What if Scott was drugged or someone made his drink stronger than what was expected or he was used to?  People make mistakes, people are irresponsible. I don't think that's a green flag for rape.

 

jrmo4
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:45 AM
It's irresponsible of people to get SO inebriated that they lose the ability to function correctly, but people first and foremost should also be able to control their malicious behavior. Taking advantage of someone in any state of mind is horrible and says a lot about their lack of character-if they would harm someone who is inebriated they will do it to someone sober. So blaming the victim, even partially, even if they were inebriated, is absolutely wrong. It is our duty as human beings to treat each other with respect.
Arwyn724
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:51 AM


Quoting Seagodess:


 

Quote:

 If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

Quote:

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.


For both of these....If scott is passed out and doesn't know whats going on, yes its rape.

I would also like to add that if a person...ANYONE. Male or female go to a party or any place and get so drunk that they pass out and to the point where people do things to them without them knowing about it, they are completely irresponsible. If people can not figure out when enough is enough, they should have a sober friend with them to make sure they are safe, or should not be drinking at all.


 

Unfortunately, we are talking, in these cases, about teens who do not always possess the necessary boundaries to know when to say when.  Teen drinking has been going on for decades. When I was a teen the legal age for drinking was 18, so every party had beer, wine, etc.  Yes, kids would drink til they passed out. The worst thing we did was draw on their faces with pool cue chalk, or stick their pinky finger in warm water to make them pee.  Not proud of either, but we never took it to the level kids do today.  The victims are never to blame, passed out drunk or not.  The perpetrators need to be 100% accountable for their disgusting actions.

Arwyn 724 

IamMex11
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:54 AM

wow. excellent point!

Seagodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:55 AM

 


Quoting Schauseil:

 

 

Quoting Seagodess:


 

Quote:

 If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

Quote:

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.


For both of these....If scott is passed out and doesn't know whats going on, yes its rape.

I would also like to add that if a person...ANYONE. Male or female go to a party or any place and get so drunk that they pass out and to the point where people do things to them without them knowing about it, they are completely irresponsible. If people can not figure out when enough is enough, they should have a sober friend with them to make sure they are safe, or should not be drinking at all. 

What if Andy was the sober friend? What if Scott was drugged or someone made his drink stronger than what was expected or he was used to?  People make mistakes, people are irresponsible. I don't think that's a green flag for rape.

 If anyone is passed out or to the point where they cant make decisions for themselves, then I would consider it rape.

 I never ever said that it was a green flag for rape. I simply said in general rape or no rape, people need to be responsible when they go out drinking. Everyone should know to NEVER leave their drink unattended. Also most people who drink know when their drink is stronger than normal. In most cases people are not going to get completely hammered to the point of passing out off of 1 or 2 drinks. What I am saying is if you plan on going drinking be responsible and very careful. You never know what could happen.

jojo_star
by Jojo on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:01 AM
2 moms liked this

Rape is rape, it is always the rapists fault, whether the victim is male or female. 

quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:06 AM

They ask if alcohol or drugs were involved because someone under the influence can't give consent.  I don't agree with it because I've been drunk and given an enthuastic yes, but that's the law in some places.

I grew up when roofies were pretty popular.  I learned to hold my drink with my hand over it and never leave it unattended.  I was cautious.  But if I hadn't been careful and cautious and passed out, that's not an invitation to rape me.  What the hell happened to basic human decency?  If someone got so drunk they passed out when I was in high school, we either called 911 or at the very least made sure they were taken home safely.  Occasionally, we'd draw on their face or something, but that's really as far as it went.

Seagodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:07 AM


 

Quote:

Unfortunately, we are talking, in these cases, about teens who do not always possess the necessary boundaries to know when to say when.  Teen drinking has been going on for decades. When I was a teen the legal age for drinking was 18, so every party had beer, wine, etc.  Yes, kids would drink til they passed out. The worst thing we did was draw on their faces with pool cue chalk, or stick their pinky finger in warm water to make them pee.  Not proud of either, but we never took it to the level kids do today.  The victims are never to blame, passed out drunk or not.  The perpetrators need to be 100% accountable for their disgusting actions.

I did not realize we were talking about teens. Where I live the drinking age has always been 21. I agree that the victims are not to blame. In reality though, even adults are stupid most of the time when they go drinking. They think its all fun and games to go out and get so hammered that the next day they have no idea what happened.  I've heard people joke about how they went out drinking and some how drove home. Or ended up at someones house they hardly knew. I want to punch these people in the face. Drinking is not all fun and games. It screws with you brain and if you cant do it responsably, it shouldn't be done at all! Period!!!

Sorry, I'm a little sinsitive about the subject. I had a family friend run over and killed by a drunk driver in front of her husband and 2 young children. My husband was also run over by a drunk driver when he was 10 while trying to get ice cream from the ice cream man. He was almost killed, flat lined multiple times, had to be a body cast for months, have his skull reconstructed. Then 5 years later have brain surgery because of it all. Even today although he is as perfectly healthy as any other guy his age, the accident still affects him.

Schauseil
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:09 AM

 


Quoting Seagodess:

 

 

Quoting Schauseil:

 

 

Quoting Seagodess:


 

Quote:

 If Scott is at a party passed out and his friend Andy decides to have anal sex with him, would you blame Scott at all? Would you feel that perhaps Scott led Andy on by making (disgusting) male penis jokes or other references that might send mixed signals to a homosexual male? Would it matter if Scott knew Andy was homosexual? Would it matter if Andy was drunk too?

Quote:

I know that acts of homosexuality are a touchy subject for some people, so what if Scott was raped by a girl? Lets say Scott gets drunk, breaks up with his girlfriend, and then passes out. The girlfriend has sex with him in an attempt to get pregnant and force him to stay in the relationship.


For both of these....If scott is passed out and doesn't know whats going on, yes its rape.

I would also like to add that if a person...ANYONE. Male or female go to a party or any place and get so drunk that they pass out and to the point where people do things to them without them knowing about it, they are completely irresponsible. If people can not figure out when enough is enough, they should have a sober friend with them to make sure they are safe, or should not be drinking at all. 

What if Andy was the sober friend? What if Scott was drugged or someone made his drink stronger than what was expected or he was used to?  People make mistakes, people are irresponsible. I don't think that's a green flag for rape.

 If anyone is passed out or to the point where they cant make decisions for themselves, then I would consider it rape.

 I never ever said that it was a green flag for rape. I simply said in general rape or no rape, people need to be responsible when they go out drinking. Everyone should know to NEVER leave their drink unattended. Also most people who drink know when their drink is stronger than normal. In most cases people are not going to get completely hammered to the point of passing out off of 1 or 2 drinks. What I am saying is if you plan on going drinking be responsible and very careful. You never know what could happen.

But don't you think its fair to say that if a person drinks too much, what they do to their body in that state is their fault, such as damaging their organs, alcohol poisoning, stumbling out into the street and getting hit by a car, etc. However, what someone else does to them in that state is the someone elses fault. In a perfect world the dangers of drinking too much are what you could do to yourself, not what others may do to you just because you can't defend yourself. Also, do we want to live in a society where everyone is expected to be able to defend themselves at all times and if you can't shame on you?

 

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