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What do I say to my 11 year old that thinks God hates her?!long

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It broke my heart when my DD asked me why did God hate her....
Here's a little back ground on us,
A year ago my husband if 6 years was killed in a car accident,he was my 11 year old DD's step dad,they were really close,and he treated her and loved her as if she was his her real father, it broke her little heart when she found out that he was no longer with us.. Then shortly after that my niece (age 18 now) moved out of our house and went away to college, my DD looked up to her as a big sister and they were really close,my DD loved her,now a few months ago one of my other sisters passed away from a stroke,she was also really close to both of DD's,and just recently my DD's real father went to jail and we're not sure when he's getting out....this morning I picked up my DD from school early, the nurse called and said DD had a headache... I asked her what was wrong and she bursted out in tears a d asked me " why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me"...... My heart just shattered Into pieces,because It's all too much for an 11 year old to take on,she's really mature for her age & all soo she tries to play this tough roll... But I can tell this has been on her mind for a long time, this was soo off guard and I was soo hurt all I did was hug her tight,and let her get all of them bottled up emotions out.....now it's 11:30pm here and I'm up heartbroken over this because I don't ever want anyone of my kids to feel like way,
Any advice will help momas, I'm kinda lost for words here,& I won't sleep until I know that my baby knows that God doesn't hate her
by on May. 1, 2013 at 2:28 AM
Replies (11-15):
sweetnsassymami
by on May. 3, 2013 at 8:16 AM
2 moms liked this
obviously they are christians, so while YOU don't agree nor believe, doesn't mean they have to follow. You don't have to be so tactless when addressing someone who obviously BELIEVES.
Quoting Clairwil:

Quoting LABELmeCUTE:

" why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me".

Any advice will help momas

Well, you could try telling her that God doesn't hate her any more than Lord Voldemort or The Grinch hates her.   They are fictional characters with no actual power to influence what happens in reality, except via humans who happen to believe in them.


Kitschy
by on May. 3, 2013 at 8:20 AM
This is part of why I don't understand raising a child in a religious belief. This is the age when her critical thinking skills are starting to develop. She's at a crossroads. You may feel the only option is to continue to explain something to her that, to her, does not make sense. It's possible she may find comfort in another religion or non at all. My advice is to stay open minded and find resources of how people in your faith and otherwise deal with this question.
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Clairwil
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Quoting sweetnsassymami:
Quoting Clairwil:
Quoting LABELmeCUTE:

" why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me".

Any advice will help momas
Well, you could try telling her that God doesn't hate her any more than Lord Voldemort or The Grinch hates her.   They are fictional characters with no actual power to influence what happens in reality, except via humans who happen to believe in them.
obviously they are christians, so while YOU don't agree nor believe, doesn't mean they have to follow. You don't have to be so tactless when addressing someone who obviously BELIEVES.

Many people argue that it doesn't matter what religion people are.  It is personal choice, and if it works for them and brings them comfort, then more power to them.

But my point is that, in this case, it obviously isn't bringing comfort.  And at that age, it isn't truly something the daughter chose herself, of her own fully informed free will.

If the religion is true, then why not wait until she is 18 then let her make up her own mind?   Why insist on the indoctrination (with these horrible side effects) when she's at such a suggestible age?

sweetnsassymami
by on May. 3, 2013 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I get what you're saying. I encourage my dd to believe what she wants. I don't attend church reguarly. But right now she's been asking to go because she is curious. Of course i'm going to take her and if she didn't like it or she did, either way she'd have my support. I think because of all she's gone through she wants someone to take responsibility and wants to know the why's. I was the same way. But not believing in anything was more hopeless to me, so while I struggled I was able to work through it. I don't understand the harm in letting her dd do the same.

Quoting Clairwil:

Quoting sweetnsassymami:
Quoting Clairwil:
Quoting LABELmeCUTE:

" why does God hate me?" "I try to do everything right,I clean my room,I get Good grades,I goto church every Sunday,I say my prayers and Thank God for everything,and I don't talk back to you mommy, why does he hate me?" He takes everybody I love away from me".

Any advice will help momas
Well, you could try telling her that God doesn't hate her any more than Lord Voldemort or The Grinch hates her.   They are fictional characters with no actual power to influence what happens in reality, except via humans who happen to believe in them.
obviously they are christians, so while YOU don't agree nor believe, doesn't mean they have to follow. You don't have to be so tactless when addressing someone who obviously BELIEVES.

Many people argue that it doesn't matter what religion people are.  It is personal choice, and if it works for them and brings them comfort, then more power to them.

But my point is that, in this case, it obviously isn't bringing comfort.  And at that age, it isn't truly something the daughter chose herself, of her own fully informed free will.

If the religion is true, then why not wait until she is 18 then let her make up her own mind?   Why insist on the indoctrination (with these horrible side effects) when she's at such a suggestible age?


KimmyShaw
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2013 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow, that would be heartbreaking!

 I would explain to her that God gave us free will and he didnt take take her father or sister they choose to leave on their own but unfortunately that was after calling your husband home so it might feel like God hates you (her). BUT God LOVES her and list everything good she has.

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