Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Never good enough for him :/

Posted by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:30 PM
  • 7 Replies
So for the past couple months my mom has been staying with us over the weekdays and leaves on the weekend. I love my mom and love having her around. Its nice to have someone to talk to. What i don't like is how my husband is :(

A little back story. We live of a 50 acre ranch and also have three kids that i home school. I take care of all the animals here, chickens, goats, pigs, horses, bunnies, and a couple more, on top of all the gardening, making sure the house is clean, laundry is done, 3 square meals a day for the kids, plus their schooling, and i am trying to get into shape because i want to look good, so now two workout routines a day.

A couple times when hubby has come home and he has noticed my mom has done something he will thank her and tell her she did a great job. NEVER has thanked me and told me i have done a nice job. I get that he works and i stay home so this is what is expected of me but it still would be nice to have some appreciation. I was fine with the first couple times he did it but this last time i said something and he just shrugged it off.

Yesterday we where all out on the porch talking, enjoying the sunset over our lake. I had to go in for a drink. When i came back i was told that i can't do laundry anymore, i lost that right because i can't keep up with it. I laughed it off thinking it was a very sad attempt at a joke but fastly learned it wasn't. I asked him if i wasn't good enough to do laundry over the thousand of other things i have to do here and he said that obviously i can't handle it being i have so much to do but my mom can. I felt like he stabbed me. I don't no why it hurt so much but it did. I am NEVER good enough. There is always SOMETHING i forget to do and get yelled at for it. It seems i can never get anything right. The house can be spotless laundry done dinner on the table but i forgot to do something outside. Instead of praising me for the clean out and dinner its all forgotten about because now the thing i forgot to do outside make it all not ok.

I would have to be up at 6 in the morning not even get dressed not even do anything with the kids and go none stop to get everything done that is expected of me and not expect any praise and if its not all done risk getting yelled at and having a VERY grumpy husband when he gets home.

Am i wrong for being upset?

by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
Big_Momma_X02
by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:33 PM

I would be upset as well,I am sorry he is treating you that way,is this the first time he has said stuff to You ?.



Imjustinsmommy
by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:36 PM

oh wow ! thats is ALOT to do.. i admit i do not haev to do 1/2 of that! has he always been this way? it really sounds very unsupportive.  you are good enough for sure but  he doesn't sound appreciative!!!! Id let him know how I feel ASAP!!! & not as a victum as a   strong woman! because you ARE one!

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 2:39 PM

You're not framing this right:

Tell your mom not to come for a few weeks and let your husband know that you he nwill be using vacation time to do all of "your" duties so you can focus only on the ones she has been doing.

Make it clear to him that while he might not realize it, he is acting like a spoiled brat and needs to recognize that while it is wonderful that your mom has not only the time, energy and desire to help you out and that you're glad he is appreciative, he needs to realize that you have a lot more duties than he is even aware of and must start helping more with not only actual effort, but compassion.

Make sure you have a full list of everything that needs to be done each and every day of the week and be sure to include everything (including all of the childcare and cooking duties) no matter how small.

Country.Mom
by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:49 PM


My mom is "homeless" for better words right now ( nasty divorce) so she has no where else to go during the week but dose stay with her parents, my grandparents, during the weekend. Or else she wouldn't be staying here. He was like this way before she came to stay here thats why i am a little taken back with him compementing her. 

I did last year leave for a week. I went out of state for work and he had to take care of everything on top of work full time so i thought it would be a great way to show him and make him realize what i do. When i came back i asked him how it was and he just said that it was easy and he could do it all PLUS go to work full time so he didn't understant why i can't. :/ Suck! 

Quoting Roo1234:

You're not framing this right:

Tell your mom not to come for a few weeks and let your husband know that you he nwill be using vacation time to do all of "your" duties so you can focus only on the ones she has been doing.

Make it clear to him that while he might not realize it, he is acting like a spoiled brat and needs to recognize that while it is wonderful that your mom has not only the time, energy and desire to help you out and that you're glad he is appreciative, he needs to realize that you have a lot more duties than he is even aware of and must start helping more with not only actual effort, but compassion.

Make sure you have a full list of everything that needs to be done each and every day of the week and be sure to include everything (including all of the childcare and cooking duties) no matter how small.



JulyBabies
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2013 at 3:20 PM
2 moms liked this

Can't do laundry anymore? Yay! Seriously though, it's hard for me to understand the way things work in your house, I can't imagine my husband speaking to me in that manner, sounds more like a boss talking to an employee or a parent speaking to a child than a husband talking to his wife (his equal). I think that is at the bottom of the real issue here, once you have respect, the rest will fall into place.

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this

He said it was "easy" but you have to wonder how much stuff slipped throught he cracks or how much stuff he deliberately let slide because it was "only for one week".

Personally, I would tell him that if he has time to worry and complain about it, then he obviously has time to do it himself.  I did that once with my husband back when our oldest two were very young.  After our third was born and I started working in the evenings leaving him with three kids on a very regular basis also helped him to realize that there was more to do than he thought and he needed to help more.  

I am very sorry that he has taken such an arogant attitude with someone he should be showing  compassion and support.  Next time he criticizes it might just be best to ignore him and loudly tell yourself (not him) that you are doing your best and you aaren't going to let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough in your own home. 


Quoting Country.Mom:


My mom is "homeless" for better words right now ( nasty divorce) so she has no where else to go during the week but dose stay with her parents, my grandparents, during the weekend. Or else she wouldn't be staying here. He was like this way before she came to stay here thats why i am a little taken back with him compementing her. 

I did last year leave for a week. I went out of state for work and he had to take care of everything on top of work full time so i thought it would be a great way to show him and make him realize what i do. When i came back i asked him how it was and he just said that it was easy and he could do it all PLUS go to work full time so he didn't understant why i can't. :/ Suck! 

Quoting Roo1234:

You're not framing this right:

Tell your mom not to come for a few weeks and let your husband know that you he nwill be using vacation time to do all of "your" duties so you can focus only on the ones she has been doing.

Make it clear to him that while he might not realize it, he is acting like a spoiled brat and needs to recognize that while it is wonderful that your mom has not only the time, energy and desire to help you out and that you're glad he is appreciative, he needs to realize that you have a lot more duties than he is even aware of and must start helping more with not only actual effort, but compassion.

Make sure you have a full list of everything that needs to be done each and every day of the week and be sure to include everything (including all of the childcare and cooking duties) no matter how small.





Country.Mom
by on May. 2, 2013 at 4:33 PM


Thank you! 

Quoting Roo1234:

He said it was "easy" but you have to wonder how much stuff slipped throught he cracks or how much stuff he deliberately let slide because it was "only for one week".

Personally, I would tell him that if he has time to worry and complain about it, then he obviously has time to do it himself.  I did that once with my husband back when our oldest two were very young.  After our third was born and I started working in the evenings leaving him with three kids on a very regular basis also helped him to realize that there was more to do than he thought and he needed to help more.  

I am very sorry that he has taken such an arogant attitude with someone he should be showing  compassion and support.  Next time he criticizes it might just be best to ignore him and loudly tell yourself (not him) that you are doing your best and you aaren't going to let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough in your own home. 


Quoting Country.Mom:


My mom is "homeless" for better words right now ( nasty divorce) so she has no where else to go during the week but dose stay with her parents, my grandparents, during the weekend. Or else she wouldn't be staying here. He was like this way before she came to stay here thats why i am a little taken back with him compementing her. 

I did last year leave for a week. I went out of state for work and he had to take care of everything on top of work full time so i thought it would be a great way to show him and make him realize what i do. When i came back i asked him how it was and he just said that it was easy and he could do it all PLUS go to work full time so he didn't understant why i can't. :/ Suck! 

Quoting Roo1234:

You're not framing this right:

Tell your mom not to come for a few weeks and let your husband know that you he nwill be using vacation time to do all of "your" duties so you can focus only on the ones she has been doing.

Make it clear to him that while he might not realize it, he is acting like a spoiled brat and needs to recognize that while it is wonderful that your mom has not only the time, energy and desire to help you out and that you're glad he is appreciative, he needs to realize that you have a lot more duties than he is even aware of and must start helping more with not only actual effort, but compassion.

Make sure you have a full list of everything that needs to be done each and every day of the week and be sure to include everything (including all of the childcare and cooking duties) no matter how small.







Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)