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Stepdad Abused Me (physically, mentally/emotionally/verbally, and possibly sexually) *UPDATE*

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I posted this in another group, but I guess it wasn't dramatic enough, because I got one reply. I also want to add that I live about 10 hours from my mom, so talking to her in person can't really happen right now.

I thought about going anonymous with this because I didn't want anyone to know it was me, but then I figured I'd get the "you're a troll" comments...and quite frankly, I shouldn't be ashamed. I need advice on what to do.

I grew up with my mom, stepdad, and two younger brothers in my house. Stepdad and mom got married when I was 3.5-4 years old. He's been on the only male father figure in my life.

Anyway, I've always had a certain dislike for stepdad. He's a prick and abusive. When we were younger, he would always fuck with our heads (mental/emotional/verbal abuse). He was also physically abusive. I also suspect that he might have been sexually abusive (but I'll get into that further down the post).

As far as mental abuse, he would say that our mom was ashamed of us and felt like a failure as a mother because she had fat kids (this is BEFORE I became overweight). He would also threaten us. Once when we had gotten into trouble, he told us that he and my mom had planned to take us to some disney on ice thing, but not anymore since we misbehaved. He then proceeded to tell us that he owned a gun, that it was loaded, and asked if we wanted to see it. We all three thought he was going to kill us. He pulled a knife on my brothers and cornered them a few years ago as well...to which I didn't find out about until WAY after it happened.

As far as physical abuse, he's hit us many times. He liked to sleep in because he had sleeping problems, so we had to be deathly quiet or all hell would break loose. The more severe cases are that he once beat the shit out of one of my brothers for peeing his pants in the car even though my brother kept telling him he had to pee...but stepdad wouldn't stop the car. He once kicked me so hard that my tailbone was bruised (I thought it was broken. I couldn't even sit down correctly because it hurt so bad). I had to lie to the doctor on how it happened. He used to force us out of the house early in the morning so he could sleep without any noise. I was so afraid to go back in the house that I would pee my pants outside instead of risking making any noise going inside the house (This happened when I was about 4-5 years old). Aside from that, we were spanked a lot (belts mostly), hit hard (I got a couple goose eggs on my head because he hit me with a closed fist twice).

As far as sexual abuse, I'm not sure if this counts. He would have my brothers shower together and then he would have me shower with him. He claimed it was to save water. He never touched me in the shower and never made me touch him, but I hated it. One time, my parents went out drinking. When they came home, we were all in bed. My mom went to bed and stepdad came in my room. I pretended to be asleep. He kept saying he heard something outside and looked out my window. He reached over and started rubbing the blanket where my leg would be. After a few minutes, he pulled the cover back and started rubbing my leg. I bolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I stayed in there awhile. When I came out, he wasn't in my room. I locked my door and tried to go back to sleep. That's about as far as that goes....but I don't know what would have happened had I stayed in bed.

My mom worked all the time, so she doesn't really know about all of this. She knows that he disciplined us, and she witnessed some things, but not the majority of it. They have been married 23 years.

I hate him. He still tries to bully me to this day. I want to stand up to him, tell him to fuck off and go to hell, but for some reason, I'm still afraid of what will happen. Every time I get the courage to say something to my mom, I feel sick to my stomach and I chicken out.

I don't know what I'm really looking for with this, but I need to get it out...beyond that, I guess I'm looking for advice on what to do.

I know I probably need therapy...and I'm working on seeing one.

UPDATE: First, I want to say that my husband and my grandmother both think I have a form of PTSD. When someone throws something at me (tosses me a ball or anything), I flinch BAD and jerk away (like I'm covering my face or head). When I see things coming at me from the corner of my eye, I do the same thing. I get physically sick every time I think about all of this and I get nightmares about it sometimes...I was doing okay about it for awhile, but I think since they came down for a visit not that long ago (no, they did not stay here and he was NEVER alone with my son), it triggered it all again.

Anyway, last night I called my youngest brother (stepdad is his biological father). I asked him, "If mom and dad told you to quit talking to me, what would you do?" (One of my biggest fears with all of this is that my brothers will stop talking to me). He asked me why...and I told him it didn't matter. He said that he would tell them that I'm his sister, and he would still talk to all of us (which isn't true...he'll do what his dad says or he'll be secretive about it). He then kept asking me why. I told him I couldn't tell him yet. I still needed to talk to mom and I'm seeing a therapist (this is where I fucked up. I should have just said it was a hypothetical situation). He then flew off the handle on me...saying things like how I think his dad is so horrible and he wasn't a bad parents...that my childhood wasn't so bad that I need a therapist...that it could only be two things, abuse or touching, and he KNOWS those things didn't happen...etc. I told him that he doesn't know anything about what happened to me and he doesn't kno anything about my life and why I may need to talk to a therapist. After he got done yelling at me about how his dad did nothing to me, he then went on to say that he's tired of hearing all this shit about ME. He said, "I'm sorry, but parent your fucking kid. I know lots of people with three year old kids. They all talk and ride bikes. Jeffrey is fucking smart...there's nothing "special" about him." I started getting pissed after that and started yelling at him...he then hung up on me and refused to answer anymore of my calls...I left him a VM telling him that my kid has a learning disability and he's in therapy for speech (which they ALL know)...that when he wants to talk to me like an adult, he can call me back.

by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (31-40):
lcappytan05
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:04 AM

I made it because yesterday was HORRIBLE for me and I had no one to talk to at the time. My DH was at work and the person I usually talk to about this sort of thing wasn't answering her phone. Had my brother called them, they would have either called me and said something OR they would have made some stupid post on FB about it...they didn't do either, so I know he didn't call them. Aside from that, I can't quit talking to them. I don't know why and I wont even begin to try and explain it. I needed support and advice...and that was the reasoning behind this.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

And you are making this post because.....why? Like are you asking if you should tell your mom or what? Or is it a vent? If it was that bad quit talking to them and be done with it. That simple. Oh and the therapy thing.  I am sure your mom is not stupid and I doubt anything you say will surprise her. Not to mention I am sure your brother will have called her by now saying that you are trying to start shit. If you want to tell her do it. What is the worst thing that can happen. Also, stop being afraid of him. I know it is easier said than done and I have had to deal with issues like that myself, but then I realized that I am a grown ass woman and if ANY man ever lays a hand on me the first thing I am going to do is woop their ass, and then I am going to get them put behind bars. Even if you dont feel it, put on a brave face. Courage is a cowards worst enemy. Good luck. 


lcappytan05
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:06 AM

I'm not getting bitchy. You came off condescending...I responded to that. You don't need to go through all the replies to know that I'm seeing a therapist. It says right in the post that I made an appt. to see one. The post is only long because of the update...which you don't need to read to understand what I'm getting at...it was only an addition onto what happened when I spoke to my brother.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

I didn't ask if you were seeking help. I read a little and thought you need help BAD. I do not care to go thru your every comment, or read your long ass post again. Of you are getting help great, but don't get bitchy because I'm not going thru every reply and comment to find out what you are doing.


Quoting lcappytan05:

It was condescending...and by saying that you haven't read it all or any of the comments, you didn't know that I AM seeking help or anything like that.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Well it's obvious you need help dear. My comment was not rude or stating something off topic. Or was it?





Quoting lcappytan05:

Then why even comment? If you didn't read it all, then you don't even know what's going on.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Nope and I didn't read all of it either, it's too long.








Quoting lcappytan05:

Did you see where I said I made an appt. with a therapist. I'm venting until I go see her.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Honey you need therapy not CM











aDINGOateYObaby
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:08 AM
And again your post is toooooo long! So again congrats on seeking help, you desperately need it.


Quoting lcappytan05:

I'm not getting bitchy. You came off condescending...I responded to that. You don't need to go through all the replies to know that I'm seeing a therapist. It says right in the post that I made an appt. to see one. The post is only long because of the update...which you don't need to read to understand what I'm getting at...it was only an addition onto what happened when I spoke to my brother.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

I didn't ask if you were seeking help. I read a little and thought you need help BAD. I do not care to go thru your every comment, or read your long ass post again. Of you are getting help great, but don't get bitchy because I'm not going thru every reply and comment to find out what you are doing.





Quoting lcappytan05:

It was condescending...and by saying that you haven't read it all or any of the comments, you didn't know that I AM seeking help or anything like that.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Well it's obvious you need help dear. My comment was not rude or stating something off topic. Or was it?








Quoting lcappytan05:

Then why even comment? If you didn't read it all, then you don't even know what's going on.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Nope and I didn't read all of it either, it's too long.











Quoting lcappytan05:

Did you see where I said I made an appt. with a therapist. I'm venting until I go see her.

Quoting aDINGOateYObaby:

Honey you need therapy not CM















mommy2alissa
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Ah ok. As for the not being able to stop talking to them, I am sure that will be addressed in therapy. I am assuming you are saying that yesterday was horrible because of the tiff with your brother, but what brought all this up now? Why address this now? 

Quoting lcappytan05:

I made it because yesterday was HORRIBLE for me and I had no one to talk to at the time. My DH was at work and the person I usually talk to about this sort of thing wasn't answering her phone. Had my brother called them, they would have either called me and said something OR they would have made some stupid post on FB about it...they didn't do either, so I know he didn't call them. Aside from that, I can't quit talking to them. I don't know why and I wont even begin to try and explain it. I needed support and advice...and that was the reasoning behind this.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

And you are making this post because.....why? Like are you asking if you should tell your mom or what? Or is it a vent? If it was that bad quit talking to them and be done with it. That simple. Oh and the therapy thing.  I am sure your mom is not stupid and I doubt anything you say will surprise her. Not to mention I am sure your brother will have called her by now saying that you are trying to start shit. If you want to tell her do it. What is the worst thing that can happen. Also, stop being afraid of him. I know it is easier said than done and I have had to deal with issues like that myself, but then I realized that I am a grown ass woman and if ANY man ever lays a hand on me the first thing I am going to do is woop their ass, and then I am going to get them put behind bars. Even if you dont feel it, put on a brave face. Courage is a cowards worst enemy. Good luck. 



lcappytan05
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:22 AM

No, the fight with my brother wasn't until later on that evening. Yesterday was horrible for me because I was having really bad anxiety, felt physically sick, and I felt like I was being constricted and couldn't breathe. What set all of this off is that they (mom and stepdad) came down for a visit a couple weeks ago (end of April...they didn't stay here though). After that, it's like it all was triggered again or something. It has caused me to have dreams/nightmares about when I was a kid...so I guess that's why it's all happening again. I was doing really well for awhile and now it's like I'm back at square one.
And I'm hoping that gets addressed in therapy. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Not to mention that my OCD symptoms have gotten worse since they left. I hate it and I just wish I was "cured."

Quoting mommy2alissa:

Ah ok. As for the not being able to stop talking to them, I am sure that will be addressed in therapy. I am assuming you are saying that yesterday was horrible because of the tiff with your brother, but what brought all this up now? Why address this now? 

Quoting lcappytan05:

I made it because yesterday was HORRIBLE for me and I had no one to talk to at the time. My DH was at work and the person I usually talk to about this sort of thing wasn't answering her phone. Had my brother called them, they would have either called me and said something OR they would have made some stupid post on FB about it...they didn't do either, so I know he didn't call them. Aside from that, I can't quit talking to them. I don't know why and I wont even begin to try and explain it. I needed support and advice...and that was the reasoning behind this.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

And you are making this post because.....why? Like are you asking if you should tell your mom or what? Or is it a vent? If it was that bad quit talking to them and be done with it. That simple. Oh and the therapy thing.  I am sure your mom is not stupid and I doubt anything you say will surprise her. Not to mention I am sure your brother will have called her by now saying that you are trying to start shit. If you want to tell her do it. What is the worst thing that can happen. Also, stop being afraid of him. I know it is easier said than done and I have had to deal with issues like that myself, but then I realized that I am a grown ass woman and if ANY man ever lays a hand on me the first thing I am going to do is woop their ass, and then I am going to get them put behind bars. Even if you dont feel it, put on a brave face. Courage is a cowards worst enemy. Good luck. 




mommy2alissa
by on May. 8, 2013 at 11:27 AM

Yea it def sounds like you need to pull away from them for good. Nothing positive can come out of continuing a relationship with them, but I mean it is up to you. You just eventually have to a place in your life where you said enough and cut out the people who are toxic. Trust me, you will be better for it. 

Quoting lcappytan05:

No, the fight with my brother wasn't until later on that evening. Yesterday was horrible for me because I was having really bad anxiety, felt physically sick, and I felt like I was being constricted and couldn't breathe. What set all of this off is that they (mom and stepdad) came down for a visit a couple weeks ago (end of April...they didn't stay here though). After that, it's like it all was triggered again or something. It has caused me to have dreams/nightmares about when I was a kid...so I guess that's why it's all happening again. I was doing really well for awhile and now it's like I'm back at square one.
And I'm hoping that gets addressed in therapy. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Not to mention that my OCD symptoms have gotten worse since they left. I hate it and I just wish I was "cured."

Quoting mommy2alissa:

Ah ok. As for the not being able to stop talking to them, I am sure that will be addressed in therapy. I am assuming you are saying that yesterday was horrible because of the tiff with your brother, but what brought all this up now? Why address this now? 

Quoting lcappytan05:

I made it because yesterday was HORRIBLE for me and I had no one to talk to at the time. My DH was at work and the person I usually talk to about this sort of thing wasn't answering her phone. Had my brother called them, they would have either called me and said something OR they would have made some stupid post on FB about it...they didn't do either, so I know he didn't call them. Aside from that, I can't quit talking to them. I don't know why and I wont even begin to try and explain it. I needed support and advice...and that was the reasoning behind this.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

And you are making this post because.....why? Like are you asking if you should tell your mom or what? Or is it a vent? If it was that bad quit talking to them and be done with it. That simple. Oh and the therapy thing.  I am sure your mom is not stupid and I doubt anything you say will surprise her. Not to mention I am sure your brother will have called her by now saying that you are trying to start shit. If you want to tell her do it. What is the worst thing that can happen. Also, stop being afraid of him. I know it is easier said than done and I have had to deal with issues like that myself, but then I realized that I am a grown ass woman and if ANY man ever lays a hand on me the first thing I am going to do is woop their ass, and then I am going to get them put behind bars. Even if you dont feel it, put on a brave face. Courage is a cowards worst enemy. Good luck. 





Grown_woman2192
by on May. 8, 2013 at 2:40 PM
I didn't mean that in a mean way, sorry if I made it sound mean. I meant it. like, don't worry to much if u get sick in front of her etc, bc its completely normal to feel the way you do.


Quoting lcappytan05:

So what if I feel sick? Have you ever been through something like this? If not, then I don't feel it's appropriate for you to make that comment. I had a horrible day yesterday (meaning that it was affecting me more than most days). I threw up because of it...and I felt like I couldn't breathe at all yesterday.

Quoting Grown_woman2192:

she would want u to tell her. there is no reason to feel guilty. I know for a fact that I would want my son to tell me if anything like this happened to him. So what if u feel sick, you need to tell her. She will believe u.



lcappytan05
by on May. 8, 2013 at 3:42 PM

Ah...okay. I get what you're saying now. Sorry I misunderstood. I think that after I talk to my therapist, I'll have a better understanding of how to handle everything and how to approach all of this with her.

Quoting Grown_woman2192:

I didn't mean that in a mean way, sorry if I made it sound mean. I meant it. like, don't worry to much if u get sick in front of her etc, bc its completely normal to feel the way you do.


Quoting lcappytan05:

So what if I feel sick? Have you ever been through something like this? If not, then I don't feel it's appropriate for you to make that comment. I had a horrible day yesterday (meaning that it was affecting me more than most days). I threw up because of it...and I felt like I couldn't breathe at all yesterday.

Quoting Grown_woman2192:

she would want u to tell her. there is no reason to feel guilty. I know for a fact that I would want my son to tell me if anything like this happened to him. So what if u feel sick, you need to tell her. She will believe u.




Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 3:47 PM
You need a psychologist. Someone who can work through your issues with you. You were very lucky compared to some of us. You'll survive. Get some help and I am sure your gonna be alright. (Hugs)
lcappytan05
by on May. 8, 2013 at 3:48 PM

I'm going to see someone next week. Hopefully she can help me work through all of this.

Quoting Rachael-Dawn:

You need a psychologist. Someone who can work through your issues with you. You were very lucky compared to some of us. You'll survive. Get some help and I am sure your gonna be alright. (Hugs)


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