Having trouble accepting Gods will for my life as a SAHM..sensitive subject
I have been a SAHM for a couple of years now and have hated it for most of that time. Its a never ending job with little to no recognition. Im always wore out and have to keep going regardless of how tired or drained I am. Lately I have been battling depression and the root of it is from being home all day long with kids. I dont have any family here and all my friends live in different cities. The ones that are closer all have jobs and careers. Ive even lost touch with a few of them because they feel like "we dont have anything in common anymore". I try to get out of the house with the kids at times but I get frustrated at having to drag 3 small, whinning, hollering kids around.
My husband works long hours so I rarely see him during awake hours. I apperciate him dearly for all that he does to provide for our family but ive found myself so angry and bitter lately towards him. He gets to clock out come home and have "his rest time". What about me? I am a Christian woman and I take pride in taking care of my family but I find it increasingly overwhelming most of the time. I really want to work and have been putting in applications for awhile now. I have had a couple of interviews and Im hoping to hear something soon. Now the problem.....
When I express my desire to work and have a career to family, and "church people" they basically tell me that my focus should be on raising my kids now because they are young. They tell me that God has me exactly where he wants me to be. They also say that the teaching my children get now they could not get at a daycare. I agree with some of the things they are saying but having a hard time accepting it. They suggest that I wait until all my children are in school, thats about 4-5 years from now. I was a very independent person before I got married and that desire to be a career woman is still there. I dont want to spend these years resentful, angry, and bitter. Everytime I have a interview I get anxiety about who's going to watch the kids or pick my oldest daughter up from school, will I have time to help with homework, cook dinner, do laundry etc.
I dont want to make the wrong decision and I realize God gives us choices. So if any of you ladies have any advice about finding joy at being a SAHM or even juggling having a career and still being there for your kids, it would be greatly appreciated.