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Having trouble accepting Gods will for my life as a SAHM..sensitive subject

Posted by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:11 AM
  • 23 Replies

I have been a SAHM for a couple of years now and have hated it for most of that time.  Its a never ending job with little to no recognition.  Im always wore out and have to keep going regardless of how tired or drained I am.  Lately I have been battling depression and the root of it is from being home all day long with kids. I dont have any family here and all my friends live in different cities.  The ones that are closer all have jobs and careers.  Ive even lost touch with a few of them because they feel like "we dont have anything in common anymore".  I try to get out of the house with the kids at times but I get frustrated at having to drag 3 small, whinning, hollering kids around.

 My husband works long hours so I rarely see him during awake hours.  I apperciate him dearly for all that he does to provide for our family but ive found myself so angry and bitter lately towards him. He gets to clock out come home and have "his rest time".  What about me?  I am a Christian woman and I take pride in taking care of my family but I find it increasingly overwhelming most of the time.  I really want to work and have been putting in applications for awhile now.  I have had a couple of interviews and Im hoping to hear something soon. Now the problem.....

When I express my desire to work and have a career to family, and "church people" they basically tell me that my focus should be on raising my kids now because they are young.  They tell me that God has me exactly where he wants me to be.  They also say that the teaching my children get now they could not get at a daycare.  I agree with some of the things they are saying but having a hard time accepting it. They suggest that I wait until all my children are in school, thats about 4-5 years from now.  I was a very independent person before I got married and that desire to be a career woman is still there. I dont want to spend these years resentful, angry, and bitter.  Everytime I have a interview I get anxiety about who's going to watch the kids or pick my oldest daughter up from school, will I have time to help with homework, cook dinner, do laundry etc.

I dont want to make the wrong decision and I realize God gives us choices.  So if any of you ladies have any advice about finding joy at being a SAHM or even juggling having a career and still being there for your kids, it would be greatly appreciated. 

by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
catrig
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:12 AM
Do what's best for you. God didn't pop all women out of the same mold.
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mrsledford09
by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:15 AM
Being a sahm is the toughest job in the world. Do what makes you feel better about you. Express to dh that you need to get out every once in a while without kids. I know he works, maybe ask after the kids go to bed if you can pick up a gym class or maybe even go to the store :)
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:27 AM
I don't have great ideas but I am a firm believer that when you are inGod's will He will give you peace in your situation. If you have prayed and fasted for peace and guidance and you still feel troubled it is possible God is directing a different way
connie45
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:30 AM
2 moms liked this
It's not Gods will, it's yours. You can make choices too.
strugglingmomx3
by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:33 AM

IT IS A VERY HARD JOB I HAVE THE SAME ONE I WILL PRAY FOR YOU. I DONT KNOW WHAT CHURCH YOU ARE SPEAKING OF THANKFULLY THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME WITH A HOME CHURCH FAMILY THAT DOES NOT JUDGE ME AND SO MAYBE YOU COULD TRY A NAZARENE CHURH. THEY ARE SO SUPPORTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING AND KIND FROM MY EXPERIENCE...I HOPE YOU WILL TRY TO THINK OF ALL OF THE ADDED CHORES AS OPPURTUNITIES TO SERVE HIM. WHATEVER HE IS CALLING YOU TO DO IS PROBABLY HIS DESIRE FOR YOU TO JOYFULLY SUBMIT AND IN MY EXPERIENCE ONCE THAT SURRENDER TO HIS WILL OCCURS...GRACE ONCE AGAIN KICKS IN AND HE STARTS BLESSING YOU AGAIN SUDDENLY YOU MAY COME TO REALIZE THAT THE VERY STRUGGLE WAS A BLESSING AFTER ALL.....PROVERBS I BELIEVE SAYS WE SHOULD TRY TO GO ABOUT EVERYTHING JOYFULLY AND WITHOUT COMPLAINING I TRY I DONT ALWAYS SUCCEED BUT I CONTINUE TO TRY, HAVE AN ACTIVE PRAYER LIFE I PRAY WHEN MY KIDS CAN HEAR AS AN EXAMPLE THAT GOD IS REAL, TAKE THE TIME TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT HIM TRY TO MAKE YOUR JOB AS A SAHM YOUR GIFT TO HIM AS A FORM OF WORSHIP, LISTEN TO WORSHIP MUSIC DANCE AND PRAISE HIM WHILE U GO ABOUT THE LAUNDRY...ETC...TURN OFF THE TV!  it is a major downer most of the time!! a real JOY killer!!! THESE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS THEY ALL WORK FOR ME ILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU TONIGHT HE NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN BEAR :) MY KIDS 3 AND 4 LOVE WORSHIPING WITH ME ITS PRETTY FUN ESPECIALLY PAY ATTENTION TO SUN SETS AND THE NATURE AROUND YOU AND POINT IT OUT TO THE KIDS....THATS ALL I CAN OFFER THAT AND GET INTO HIS WORD IT REALLY HELPS MY HEART.

JasonsMom2007
by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:39 AM

In the words of the paster "everybody has advice but the only one you need to listen to is God."   What is God telling you He wants for your life?  Just because He has put it on the other moms to stay home does not mean that is His plan for your in your life.  Just pray and go where God leads you.  If He wants you in a job the right one will come along.

In the meantime I know it's hard to get out with a bunch of young kids (I only have 2 of my own but I do childcare a lot too.  Last year I was dragging around 2 4 year olds and 2 2 year olds) but you need to get out!  For your own sanity find a way to make it happen.  Can you afford daycare once a week for a few hours just to go run errands?  Your mental health is worth the cost!

shadow_lark
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:43 AM
1 mom liked this
I think your depression and resentment is message anough from God that being a sahm isn't where you are meant to be. There is no shame in that. Happy children come from happy parents and if working will make you happy then so be it. Just tell your church family that after prayer and reflection you feel that worming is what will be healthiest for you and yours in the long run.
fiddlerbird555
by Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:45 AM

God did not come down and explicitly bless the social structure of upper class mid 20th century USA. Consider which possible lifestyles will best support both you and your children's well being. It may not be perfect for all of you at once, but it has to be good enough for all of you to be sustainable. That incudes you, the mother. No self destruction is necessary.

lsa0919
by on May. 16, 2013 at 12:46 AM

 


Quoting JasonsMom2007:

In the words of the paster "everybody has advice but the only one you need to listen to is God."   What is God telling you He wants for your life?  Just because He has put it on the other moms to stay home does not mean that is His plan for your in your life.  Just pray and go where God leads you.  If He wants you in a job the right one will come along.

In the meantime I know it's hard to get out with a bunch of young kids (I only have 2 of my own but I do childcare a lot too.  Last year I was dragging around 2 4 year olds and 2 2 year olds) but you need to get out!  For your own sanity find a way to make it happen.  Can you afford daycare once a week for a few hours just to go run errands?  Your mental health is worth the cost!

Thank You!! I have thought about putting them in daycare for a couple of hours a day.  I have a six year old so she is in school.  My 23 month old is the one that overwhelmes me the most.  She needs to be around other kids her age.  I do believe God will give me a job when the time is right and thats how Ive been dealing with the "should I or shouldnt I".

 

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on May. 16, 2013 at 12:49 AM

How old are the children?  I would work on their behavior if it is not up to where you want it to be.   Perhaps you can look into volunteering somewhere instead of a 40/hr job.   I would definitely look into a mothers helper  or part time babysitter as well so you can get a break from the children.  Everyone needs a break from being a parent once in awhile.

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