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How old is too old to put a child in the corner as a punishment/time out? My 13 yo dd lives with her father, step mom, 2 step brothers (8 & 6 years old) and a half sister (5 yo). Her SM punishes her for ridiculous things and the way she does it is to put her in the corner, then she gets mad when it doesn't affect my daughter at all. Also what's your view on putting dishsoap in a child's mouth? My dd will get frustrated with her sm and say something like "You're an a-hole" and her sm will put or try to put dishsoap in her mouth, actually cutting my dd's lip once because she wouldn't open her mouth. But the 8 yo can call his mom an a$$ or my dd a b*tch and nothing is said. They kind-of laugh it off. I would rather my dd father dealt with her discipline but I do understand that he has to work so he's not there all the time. But when something happens in the house, especially with my dd, his wife will call him and tell him what happened so he comes home already mad at her and doesn't bother to listen to her side. Or they will yell at her saying she acts just like me or has my attitude but wouldn't that be expected if I raised her by myself for the first 10 years of her life? Ugh, it's a horrible situation that idk how to fix.


**UPDATE OR BACK STORY***

Ok, ex was arrested in March 00 when dd was 5 months old. Spent about 10 yrs in prison, got out in July 09. Now, SM worked in one of the prisons that he was in and they started screwing around. She ended up pregnant and quit. So they have a 5 yo dd when he's only been out of prison for 4 years...anyway SM wasn't able to go see BF but I guess they wrote and maintained contact. NOBODY knew about her or their daughter, not even his mother. I allowed my dd to visit whenever his mother went, we agreed a long time ago not to keep her from the other. We have a decent friendship, until SM opens her mouth. Well when he got released, he barely spent any time with dd and that's all she wanted. She expected dad to come home and finally be a family but what happened is dad came home basically moved in with SM ended up marrying her Jan 10. So I feel my dd holds some resentment towards BF & SM. I think it's like they had their own family that she had to find a place to fit when it should've been the other way around since she was here first. My dd loves my dh, her sf, and looks at him like a father. Now the reason for custody is because in 2011 my dd wanted to go live with them b/c she was hoping that would help her spend more time with bf. Instead things got bad and she wanted to come home so bf didn't want the back and forth so we went to court to get it all in writing. She lived with me and went out there every other weekend and every sunday since that was/is is only full day off. He NEVER came and got her on a Sunday to just spend the day with her. They live 1 hr and 15 drive one way to their house. Now last April (2012) my dd sent out a cry for attention and cut herself a few times so he came and took emergency temporary custody of her. We discussed it and when we went to court to finalize it, I agreed to let her stay out there b/c she had made many friends, made honor roll at school, it just seemed like a great fit. Her emotional stability and happiness meant more to me than to have her with me going to a school where everyone was picking on her. The only thing she can't stand is her sm. Yes I feel sm picks on her sometimes since she is my dd and not hers. Even her paternal grandma has seen & heard the way they talk to her and tried to put a stop to it. I understand there are many sides to a story but I do tell my dd that sometimes she has to just deal with it, like the kids always around or bugging her. Like I told her, she has to pick her battles. Well of course now she wants to move back with me but the problem with that is I was terminated from my job Nov. 30 and my younger dd and I are living with my mom & grandma right now. I'm enrolled in school right now b/c that's what they want me to focus on. But I am thinking about going ahead and filing a petition to modify custody and parenting time and trying to get my dd voice heard about what goes on over there.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Replies (51-60):
tristahope
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:41 AM
Why is she living with them & not u?? Sounds like she should be with u not that crazy bitch of a step mom and dad. Dad sounds whipped that he can't/want stand up for his child. We deffiently no who wears the pants in that house.

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JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on May. 17, 2013 at 11:42 AM
Why do you not have custody?

Quoting Christinaaz0919:

No, I've always told my dd that she needs to treat everyone with respect and you get what you earn. So I have been trying to make her understand that she doesn't get to choose who her dad wants to spend his life with. Now she may not like the SM but because she is an adult, she automatically deserves respect. I've told her that if she feels she's gonna say something disrespectful to bite her tongue and walk away. Go write in her journal or take a walk and scream lol. That way, if she's respectful to her SM and her SM gives her attitude or is disrespectful to her, then it makes my dd look like the bigger person and the SM look like a bitch for stooping to a 13 yo level.

Quoting Jennyanne322:

So you think it's fine for your daughter to disrespect her SM? How about you speak to your daughter and tell her to respect her SM like she was her mom. She isn't hitting your daughter, she is putting her in the corner.


im_not_trollin
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

 So you know she has this attitude, you have discussed it with her before, but you don't DO anything when you KNOW she continues the behavior? Sometimes it takes more than talking, obviously, if you have talked to her several times, it is time for action... Also, she is at an age where it is very easy and even appealing to play BM and BF against each other... Even my 7 year old is capable of that kind of manipulation, if it works and gets a reaction she will continue. You HAVE TO do something. Not just sit back and say no no baby that's not nice... She's a teenager, not a toddler.

Quoting Christinaaz0919:

No, I've always told my dd that she needs to treat everyone with respect and you get what you earn. So I have been trying to make her understand that she doesn't get to choose who her dad wants to spend his life with. Now she may not like the SM but because she is an adult, she automatically deserves respect. I've told her that if she feels she's gonna say something disrespectful to bite her tongue and walk away. Go write in her journal or take a walk and scream lol. That way, if she's respectful to her SM and her SM gives her attitude or is disrespectful to her, then it makes my dd look like the bigger person and the SM look like a bitch for stooping to a 13 yo level.

Quoting Jennyanne322:

So you think it's fine for your daughter to disrespect her SM? How about you speak to your daughter and tell her to respect her SM like she was her mom. She isn't hitting your daughter, she is putting her in the corner.


 

STVUstudent
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

You say SM punishes her for ridiculous things, but the only example you give is her calling SM an asshole... sorry, but if my 13 year old calls me or anybody else an asshole, she will be punished, and it will be more than sitting in a corner.

I would not put soap in anyone's mouth, but no kid I am responsible for is going to speak to me or any other adult that way.

You need to talk to her about being respectful... it doesn't matter what the other kids are doing... she is responsible for her own behavior, and she needs to mind her mouth.

for all the posters who keep asking why she isn't with you, well, THIS IS OP's BUSINESS

SeymoreButts
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:44 AM
I would have put soap in her mouth too. But I would have done it to the other kids as well. I got soap in mouth when I spoke that way.
And sitting in a corner I don't see the harm on that?
But I do think it needs to be fair punishment for all. And she should not be singling out your dd
kailu1835
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:44 AM
Sounds like you need to bar the sm from disciplining in the parenting plan. Timeouts aren't that big of a deal, imo, but the soap is, as well as the double standard.
andersongirl562
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:45 AM
The SM has every right to punish your DD as she is the parent raising her...you aren't and your ex works....I have and will put my 13 year old in timeout....if he wants to act like a two year he will be treated like a two year old...as to the soap I don't think its that bad....if she were to spank your DD I am sure you would have a heartattack so how else is she supposed to parent this child?
cupcake_mom
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM

why not bring her home

im_not_trollin
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 It is perfectly relevant information for the post, she is criticizing another parents discipline yet she doesn't not have custod, she could be some "crazy bitch" herself but she expets us to judge someone who supposedly "only gets one side of the story" but she herself isn't even giving all the info....

Quoting STVUstudent:

You say SM punishes her for ridiculous things, but the only example you give is her calling SM an asshole... sorry, but if my 13 year old calls me or anybody else an asshole, she will be punished, and it will be more than sitting in a corner.

I would not put soap in anyone's mouth, but no kid I am responsible for is going to speak to me or any other adult that way.

You need to talk to her about being respectful... it doesn't matter what the other kids are doing... she is responsible for her own behavior, and she needs to mind her mouth.

for all the posters who keep asking why she isn't with you, well, THIS IS OP's BUSINESS

 

RobinBright
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM

If her father has physical custody, then like it or not, SM should be an authority figure with every right to discipline--- just like any other adult who is supervising children, including teachers, babysitters, grandparents, etc.  Of course, the way discipline is handled should be discussed between all relevant adults.  

I never advocate for putting soap in a kid's mouth, but it sounds like you don't see a problem with your child's behavior.  She gets frustrated, so it is ok to call her stepmother-- or anyone-- an asshole?  Uh, no.  That absolutely warrants discipline, though I do not agree with the mode being used. 

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