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How old is too old to put a child in the corner as a punishment/time out? My 13 yo dd lives with her father, step mom, 2 step brothers (8 & 6 years old) and a half sister (5 yo). Her SM punishes her for ridiculous things and the way she does it is to put her in the corner, then she gets mad when it doesn't affect my daughter at all. Also what's your view on putting dishsoap in a child's mouth? My dd will get frustrated with her sm and say something like "You're an a-hole" and her sm will put or try to put dishsoap in her mouth, actually cutting my dd's lip once because she wouldn't open her mouth. But the 8 yo can call his mom an a$$ or my dd a b*tch and nothing is said. They kind-of laugh it off. I would rather my dd father dealt with her discipline but I do understand that he has to work so he's not there all the time. But when something happens in the house, especially with my dd, his wife will call him and tell him what happened so he comes home already mad at her and doesn't bother to listen to her side. Or they will yell at her saying she acts just like me or has my attitude but wouldn't that be expected if I raised her by myself for the first 10 years of her life? Ugh, it's a horrible situation that idk how to fix.


**UPDATE OR BACK STORY***

Ok, ex was arrested in March 00 when dd was 5 months old. Spent about 10 yrs in prison, got out in July 09. Now, SM worked in one of the prisons that he was in and they started screwing around. She ended up pregnant and quit. So they have a 5 yo dd when he's only been out of prison for 4 years...anyway SM wasn't able to go see BF but I guess they wrote and maintained contact. NOBODY knew about her or their daughter, not even his mother. I allowed my dd to visit whenever his mother went, we agreed a long time ago not to keep her from the other. We have a decent friendship, until SM opens her mouth. Well when he got released, he barely spent any time with dd and that's all she wanted. She expected dad to come home and finally be a family but what happened is dad came home basically moved in with SM ended up marrying her Jan 10. So I feel my dd holds some resentment towards BF & SM. I think it's like they had their own family that she had to find a place to fit when it should've been the other way around since she was here first. My dd loves my dh, her sf, and looks at him like a father. Now the reason for custody is because in 2011 my dd wanted to go live with them b/c she was hoping that would help her spend more time with bf. Instead things got bad and she wanted to come home so bf didn't want the back and forth so we went to court to get it all in writing. She lived with me and went out there every other weekend and every sunday since that was/is is only full day off. He NEVER came and got her on a Sunday to just spend the day with her. They live 1 hr and 15 drive one way to their house. Now last April (2012) my dd sent out a cry for attention and cut herself a few times so he came and took emergency temporary custody of her. We discussed it and when we went to court to finalize it, I agreed to let her stay out there b/c she had made many friends, made honor roll at school, it just seemed like a great fit. Her emotional stability and happiness meant more to me than to have her with me going to a school where everyone was picking on her. The only thing she can't stand is her sm. Yes I feel sm picks on her sometimes since she is my dd and not hers. Even her paternal grandma has seen & heard the way they talk to her and tried to put a stop to it. I understand there are many sides to a story but I do tell my dd that sometimes she has to just deal with it, like the kids always around or bugging her. Like I told her, she has to pick her battles. Well of course now she wants to move back with me but the problem with that is I was terminated from my job Nov. 30 and my younger dd and I are living with my mom & grandma right now. I'm enrolled in school right now b/c that's what they want me to focus on. But I am thinking about going ahead and filing a petition to modify custody and parenting time and trying to get my dd voice heard about what goes on over there.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Replies (71-80):
paulswifey11
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Your ex has custody. If he chooses to allow her to discipline, that is his choice. I would t have used soap but I would have beat my 13 year olds ass for disrespecting her sm. it seems to me like once you told him that CPS doesn't allow soap that stopped. And you are complaining about your daughter being put in a corner for being a brat. To me it sounds like they are doing their best. To me it seems you are just upset he has custody.
Christinaaz0919
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:11 PM

Lol no, she can have him. I left his ass to rot in prison after choosing to be there for his friends than for his daughter. I married my dh before he even came home. The only thing I resent about her is that I feel she didn't allow my dd any time with her father once he came home b/c she wanted him all to herself. He wouldn't even spend an entire weekend with my dd and that's all my dd expected and hoped for when her father came home but all she got was ignored. When I finally found out about her and their daughter months after he came home, I asked to meet her. Neither one of them could understand why. I figured since this woman is going to be around my dd I want to know who she is (this is before they were married). He had me come to his dad's house where she visited him before she went to school. I walked into the house, said hi, introduced myself, stuck my hand out and all she did was mumble hi and not even look up from her phone and for the duration of the time she stayed on her phone. So, do I think she's being disrespectful to my dd, hell yes. I tried to be the bigger person but she didn't want to cooperate. I have not talked to her since that day. 

Quoting im_not_trollin:

 It sounds like YOU have had resentment for SM from the start and haven't given her any sort of respect yourself or talked to her about the situations going on...

 


Sunshine257
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:11 PM
I don't believe in step dads or moms punishing. Only because it hurts the relationship with the kids to be the disciplinary.
lenashark
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2013 at 12:13 PM

I think the corner is fine. As for the soap, thats a little extreme, but she does need to find some sort of extreme punishment that works. Your child calling her curse words is unacceptable.

Christinaaz0919
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:15 PM

She has no problem with my dh. She has always been respectful to him, besides the bad day or attitude all kids have once in a while. He has never raised his hand to her or really ever punished her. When I would be at work if she misbehaved, he would make her sit and wait til I got home. Unless it was something serious that was harmful to herself or others, then he would deal with it but even then it was mostly just to go to her room and wait for me to get there.

JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on May. 17, 2013 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this

(After reading the update) Poor kid. Another child affected by the drama of her parents. 

im_not_trollin
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

 If she respected you and her father, she would respect what you ask her to do and wouldn't be acting the way she is. She sounds like a typical 13 year old girl just playing her parents...

Quoting Christinaaz0919:

She has no problem with my dh. She has always been respectful to him, besides the bad day or attitude all kids have once in a while. He has never raised his hand to her or really ever punished her. When I would be at work if she misbehaved, he would make her sit and wait til I got home. Unless it was something serious that was harmful to herself or others, then he would deal with it but even then it was mostly just to go to her room and wait for me to get there.

 

Ali5683
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:21 PM

I would be pissed if I were you.

Christinaaz0919
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:25 PM

I'm trying to get her back into a therapist b/c her father was court ordered to get her into one when he took emergency custody of her and she only went a few times. She asked him recently if he could find her another one b/c she wants someone on the outside to talk to. I told him that's a good thing she's recognizing she wants help and that he needs to find her one. Or give me her insurance info and I'll find one to take her to when I have her. I even offered that once she feels secure with the therapist that he join her for a few sessions so she can talk out her resentment towards him and then me, her and her father all do sessions together to learn how to co-parent and communicate. He just shrugs it off like it's not important. I'm willing to take steps to make us all work together. 

MrsImperfect
by on May. 17, 2013 at 12:26 PM
2 moms liked this
No she sounds like a typucal child that's caught in the middle of her parents troubles and trying to find a place. Your just attacking constantly cause your a sm and you don't like it when the sm is deemed a bad parent. Like your trying to tell YOURSELF what YOU do is ok or why else would you give such a flying fuck about this. Shes looking for advice not your judgemental opinions. Go back to mom confessions.

Quoting im_not_trollin:

 If she respected you and her father, she would respect what you ask her to do and wouldn't be acting the way she is. She sounds like a typical 13 year old girl just playing her parents...


Quoting Christinaaz0919:


She has no problem with my dh. She has always been respectful to him, besides the bad day or attitude all kids have once in a while. He has never raised his hand to her or really ever punished her. When I would be at work if she misbehaved, he would make her sit and wait til I got home. Unless it was something serious that was harmful to herself or others, then he would deal with it but even then it was mostly just to go to her room and wait for me to get there.


 

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