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How old is too old to put a child in the corner as a punishment/time out? My 13 yo dd lives with her father, step mom, 2 step brothers (8 & 6 years old) and a half sister (5 yo). Her SM punishes her for ridiculous things and the way she does it is to put her in the corner, then she gets mad when it doesn't affect my daughter at all. Also what's your view on putting dishsoap in a child's mouth? My dd will get frustrated with her sm and say something like "You're an a-hole" and her sm will put or try to put dishsoap in her mouth, actually cutting my dd's lip once because she wouldn't open her mouth. But the 8 yo can call his mom an a$$ or my dd a b*tch and nothing is said. They kind-of laugh it off. I would rather my dd father dealt with her discipline but I do understand that he has to work so he's not there all the time. But when something happens in the house, especially with my dd, his wife will call him and tell him what happened so he comes home already mad at her and doesn't bother to listen to her side. Or they will yell at her saying she acts just like me or has my attitude but wouldn't that be expected if I raised her by myself for the first 10 years of her life? Ugh, it's a horrible situation that idk how to fix.


**UPDATE OR BACK STORY***

Ok, ex was arrested in March 00 when dd was 5 months old. Spent about 10 yrs in prison, got out in July 09. Now, SM worked in one of the prisons that he was in and they started screwing around. She ended up pregnant and quit. So they have a 5 yo dd when he's only been out of prison for 4 years...anyway SM wasn't able to go see BF but I guess they wrote and maintained contact. NOBODY knew about her or their daughter, not even his mother. I allowed my dd to visit whenever his mother went, we agreed a long time ago not to keep her from the other. We have a decent friendship, until SM opens her mouth. Well when he got released, he barely spent any time with dd and that's all she wanted. She expected dad to come home and finally be a family but what happened is dad came home basically moved in with SM ended up marrying her Jan 10. So I feel my dd holds some resentment towards BF & SM. I think it's like they had their own family that she had to find a place to fit when it should've been the other way around since she was here first. My dd loves my dh, her sf, and looks at him like a father. Now the reason for custody is because in 2011 my dd wanted to go live with them b/c she was hoping that would help her spend more time with bf. Instead things got bad and she wanted to come home so bf didn't want the back and forth so we went to court to get it all in writing. She lived with me and went out there every other weekend and every sunday since that was/is is only full day off. He NEVER came and got her on a Sunday to just spend the day with her. They live 1 hr and 15 drive one way to their house. Now last April (2012) my dd sent out a cry for attention and cut herself a few times so he came and took emergency temporary custody of her. We discussed it and when we went to court to finalize it, I agreed to let her stay out there b/c she had made many friends, made honor roll at school, it just seemed like a great fit. Her emotional stability and happiness meant more to me than to have her with me going to a school where everyone was picking on her. The only thing she can't stand is her sm. Yes I feel sm picks on her sometimes since she is my dd and not hers. Even her paternal grandma has seen & heard the way they talk to her and tried to put a stop to it. I understand there are many sides to a story but I do tell my dd that sometimes she has to just deal with it, like the kids always around or bugging her. Like I told her, she has to pick her battles. Well of course now she wants to move back with me but the problem with that is I was terminated from my job Nov. 30 and my younger dd and I are living with my mom & grandma right now. I'm enrolled in school right now b/c that's what they want me to focus on. But I am thinking about going ahead and filing a petition to modify custody and parenting time and trying to get my dd voice heard about what goes on over there.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Replies (21-30):
1lv2stks3nlz4ev
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

 This. I don't discipline my DSD. Her father does. We have an established rule that if she gets in trouble I am allowed to send her to her room to sit on her bed until her father gets home. I do nothing further. Not my place.

Quoting IamMex11:

why is the sm disciplining her at all? this should be up to your ex!

 

clearlyme
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:15 AM
4 moms liked this

For one thing, YOU need to talk to your daughter about respecting her stepmom and behaving no matter who is caring for her. Her actions are unacceptable no matter how her little brother acts or what he gets away with. However, it seems that the SM's punishments should be for her 8 year old. Your daughter is more at the age where you would start taking priveleges away. 

Anoronlight
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:15 AM

She's old enough, I would check into see if she can have a say in her living arrangments with a Judge. At a certain age, the judge will hear and take into consideration what a child says, but its usually not till somewhere in their teens. Its something to ask a lawyer about and I would recommend writing down EVERYTHING that is said and done on what date, at what time and by whom and presenting that to a lawyer too. Just because has has custody, doesn't mean he can't lose it.

MrsImperfect
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this
My step mother did all the punishing in my house. She hated my dads daughters. I would keep an eye out. Especially if your dd starts complaining. My mom tried to get involved but there was nothing she could do. We got put in the corner until we were teens. That was after we got too big to be belted. And forced to stay in our rooms for months. Amoung other subtle abuses. You csn court order she not punish if you fight it in court.
momma_2013
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:19 AM
I know how you feel... my dd came home for a vist with scatch marks on her neck from her sm and her dad wouldnt stand up to her
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conweis
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I would bring up the sm discussing custody issues with dd. Your daughter is getting to the age where she can decides where she wants to be.
im_not_trollin
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:20 AM
7 moms liked this

 I discipline my SD, she lives with us and I am pretty much the ONLY ONE that has disciplined her at all since she was 2... My husband works and usually I am the one around when the miss behavior happens so I am the one that punishes and corrects it... Her BM has her every other weekend and lets her do whatever she wants so she gets no discipline there and by the time my husband gets home we are setting the table, eating dinner, then getting ready for bed, not much room for issues at that time and I won't let her act up and just wait to enforce a punishment, that makes no sense. People should give CUSTODIAL step parents a little more credit!

Quoting IamMex11:

why is the sm disciplining her at all? this should be up to your ex!

 

RUCRIOUS925
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:21 AM

These means of punishment are way out dated and will never work. I don't know if you are able to have a civil conversation with your ex and his wife on an agreeable route but I believe communication is lacking in this home. Punishment is meant to teach a lesson or to take away but if you are doing it all the time nothing is gained. I wish you luck with the conversation but unless you can get her back with you I don't see any other way to go but to talk. Again good luck:)

xoch86
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:21 AM

I'd sit down with ex and let him know its time to go back to court  if he feels can't be here enough to properly care for her

im_not_trollin
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:22 AM
2 moms liked this

 I don't agree with soap in the mouth, but there needs to be some sort of consequence for that kind of disrespect... You say your husband doesn't listen to her side, yet you are ONLY listening to her side...

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