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How old is too old to put a child in the corner as a punishment/time out? My 13 yo dd lives with her father, step mom, 2 step brothers (8 & 6 years old) and a half sister (5 yo). Her SM punishes her for ridiculous things and the way she does it is to put her in the corner, then she gets mad when it doesn't affect my daughter at all. Also what's your view on putting dishsoap in a child's mouth? My dd will get frustrated with her sm and say something like "You're an a-hole" and her sm will put or try to put dishsoap in her mouth, actually cutting my dd's lip once because she wouldn't open her mouth. But the 8 yo can call his mom an a$$ or my dd a b*tch and nothing is said. They kind-of laugh it off. I would rather my dd father dealt with her discipline but I do understand that he has to work so he's not there all the time. But when something happens in the house, especially with my dd, his wife will call him and tell him what happened so he comes home already mad at her and doesn't bother to listen to her side. Or they will yell at her saying she acts just like me or has my attitude but wouldn't that be expected if I raised her by myself for the first 10 years of her life? Ugh, it's a horrible situation that idk how to fix.


Ok, ex was arrested in March 00 when dd was 5 months old. Spent about 10 yrs in prison, got out in July 09. Now, SM worked in one of the prisons that he was in and they started screwing around. She ended up pregnant and quit. So they have a 5 yo dd when he's only been out of prison for 4 years...anyway SM wasn't able to go see BF but I guess they wrote and maintained contact. NOBODY knew about her or their daughter, not even his mother. I allowed my dd to visit whenever his mother went, we agreed a long time ago not to keep her from the other. We have a decent friendship, until SM opens her mouth. Well when he got released, he barely spent any time with dd and that's all she wanted. She expected dad to come home and finally be a family but what happened is dad came home basically moved in with SM ended up marrying her Jan 10. So I feel my dd holds some resentment towards BF & SM. I think it's like they had their own family that she had to find a place to fit when it should've been the other way around since she was here first. My dd loves my dh, her sf, and looks at him like a father. Now the reason for custody is because in 2011 my dd wanted to go live with them b/c she was hoping that would help her spend more time with bf. Instead things got bad and she wanted to come home so bf didn't want the back and forth so we went to court to get it all in writing. She lived with me and went out there every other weekend and every sunday since that was/is is only full day off. He NEVER came and got her on a Sunday to just spend the day with her. They live 1 hr and 15 drive one way to their house. Now last April (2012) my dd sent out a cry for attention and cut herself a few times so he came and took emergency temporary custody of her. We discussed it and when we went to court to finalize it, I agreed to let her stay out there b/c she had made many friends, made honor roll at school, it just seemed like a great fit. Her emotional stability and happiness meant more to me than to have her with me going to a school where everyone was picking on her. The only thing she can't stand is her sm. Yes I feel sm picks on her sometimes since she is my dd and not hers. Even her paternal grandma has seen & heard the way they talk to her and tried to put a stop to it. I understand there are many sides to a story but I do tell my dd that sometimes she has to just deal with it, like the kids always around or bugging her. Like I told her, she has to pick her battles. Well of course now she wants to move back with me but the problem with that is I was terminated from my job Nov. 30 and my younger dd and I are living with my mom & grandma right now. I'm enrolled in school right now b/c that's what they want me to focus on. But I am thinking about going ahead and filing a petition to modify custody and parenting time and trying to get my dd voice heard about what goes on over there.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Go to court and fight for custoday then her stepmom cant do anything to her. Thats just not right that her stepmom and her dad dont even listen to her side of the story. They should at least do that. 

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I dont have an issue of the washing the mouth out with soap or time out but it sounds more like they dont want to deal with her so that is why they treat her this way. Why does he even want her there is he isnt going to be a father to her. To allow his wifes kids to act the way they do and do nothing just shows they really dont want her. And the comment of saying she acts like you just says they are punishing her for being your DD. I hope something can be done and changes fast. I would have your daughter report to the courts what has been going on to her and let them know how she feels about it. 

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM

My dad once made me take a bite out of Irish Spring soap and chew it.  It left blisters all along one side of my mouth.  It was terrible.  And no more effective than if he had said "I think you know how inappropriate that language is.  Don't do it again."

No, I don't think those are appropriate punishments.  Time to talk to her about it.  "I'm her mother, and I don't like what you're doing.  Let's work together on coming up with ways to deal with her that we can both live with."

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM

No, I've always told my dd that she needs to treat everyone with respect and you get what you earn. So I have been trying to make her understand that she doesn't get to choose who her dad wants to spend his life with. Now she may not like the SM but because she is an adult, she automatically deserves respect. I've told her that if she feels she's gonna say something disrespectful to bite her tongue and walk away. Go write in her journal or take a walk and scream lol. That way, if she's respectful to her SM and her SM gives her attitude or is disrespectful to her, then it makes my dd look like the bigger person and the SM look like a bitch for stooping to a 13 yo level.

Quoting Jennyanne322:

So you think it's fine for your daughter to disrespect her SM? How about you speak to your daughter and tell her to respect her SM like she was her mom. She isn't hitting your daughter, she is putting her in the corner.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM

If she lives with dad and step mom then the step mom should be allowed to punish her when dad is not around. She should be grateful that the worst thing that's happening is that she has to sit in the corner or tatse a little soap. If my kid called me an asshole they would have a fat lip. That's disrespectful and needs to be dealt with. The worse thing a little soap in the mouth is going to do is give her the runs.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Why don't you just file for physical custody?
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I never though sitting in a corner is a punishment, and neither does a pre-teen or child. That is a stupid punishment for anything. I can see why your daughter might be frustrated because her step mom is treating her different than the other kids. Dishsoap too? That is the dumbest thing I heard about, I just knew about it because they did it in A Christmas Story. You need to talk to your ex and the stepmom and figure out something that would work, that you both can agree on, because obviously what she is doing is not working, and doesnt fit the situation.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:38 AM

My dad used dish soap so we couldn't spit it out lol. We are fine.

by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Do you ever talk to stepmom?
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Why is she there then? You had her for ten years and it sounds like she's not getting along well, why don't you have her come back home?

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