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HELP from mommas with special needs kids, PLEASE. At my breaking point.

It's been a long time since I've been on here. But I know that there are a lot of mommas here with kids who have special needs and might be able to help me out. My oldest DS will be 5 in June. His behavior has gotten to the point that this evening, I broke down and cried because I just didn't know what to do. He won't listen to a word anyone says... he obsesses about the time something will happen, how many days until, he'll fight sleep until he just passes out if we screw his bedtime routine up. He's so, so smart that it's hard to challenge him academically, but he won't really interact with kids his age. He'll play games with younger kids and get frustrated when they don't follow the rules. Recently, he has pushed a boy down the stairs, thrown rocks at his teacher, and actually BITTEN another kid. What almost five year old bites another kid? He has melt downs that you can't snap him out of. 

As for discipline, we've tried so many methods... yes, long enough and consistent enough that if it were to work, it would have shown some improvement. Totally ignoring any and all "attention seeking/"bad" behavior and enthusiastically rewarding good, removing toys and priveledges and having him earn them back, even spanking (which had absolutely NO effect on him), time outs... time outs that were timed kept him occupied because he would count ticking. Time out otherwise didn't work because short of actually restraining him, I couldn't make him STAY in time out.

I work a lot to support my family, but I want what time we have together to be quality, fun time. I have a younger son turning 2 and honestly, I feel like all my mommy time is spent being frustrated beyond belief. My husband is on IV therapy twice a day (a total of seven hours a day) and still working between doses. 

Has anyone else gone through this? What do I tell his pediatrician? What can I expect to happen? What questions should I ask?

by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Replies (11-20):
starsis68
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:29 PM
It sounds like he has some anger for trying. To hurt other people and. He needs. To. Know who's. The. Boss I would get him in some counselling.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:30 PM

How do you keep your patience? After so many hours of resistance every step of the way... I find myself just telling him to go to his room or yelling. I HATE yelling. I don't want to. But sometimes, he'll be so in his own world that clapping in front of his face or saying his name won't get his attention. Often times, my hands are full of toddler or dishes or a mop after a ten hour day and yelling is the ONLY way to get his attention. 


Quoting bigmama423:

By the way, I'm going through the same thing with my son. Good luck & hang in there!!



tinnaa2000
by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Have you asked the school for help? Do they have home services?
lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:34 PM


Showing him 'whos's the boss' does NOT work. It causes more problems than anything else. And if I were looking at this from the outside, like you, I'd probably wonder why this kid was so angry, too. But the fact of the matter is that he doesn't hurt  out of anger, I think. The time he bit the kid, I asked him what happened and he wouldn't tell me, but his preschool teacher was right there when it happened. He was building something with these shape magnets and another boy sort of reached over his building. DS didn't seem MAD she said, but he cried out like he was in pain, grabbed the kid's arm and bit down.

Quoting starsis68:

It sounds like he has some anger for trying. To hurt other people and. He needs. To. Know who's. The. Boss I would get him in some counselling.



MissMia22
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:36 PM
I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old. His pedi is sending him to a child psychologist i am just waiting for the call with the appointmemt time.
lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:38 PM

He'll start Kindergarten in the fall. Right now, he's at a daycare that also has preschool in a separate room. They don't have any services, but they have mentioned some of his unusual behavior to me. We've talked about how some of the things he does just.. are odd, somehow. His behavior has always just been different. He has this amazing grasp of numbers and things like chemical signatures and building things and puzzles. But he won't play pretend with me at all. I don't know, there's just these little things you wouldn't see unless you were with him for a significant amount of time.


Quoting tinnaa2000:

Have you asked the school for help? Do they have home services?



lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:40 PM


How do you stay sane? I miss when I could have fun. It feels like all I do with him is punishments. I HATE it. I just want my sweet boy back. 

Quoting MissMia22:

I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old. His pedi is sending him to a child psychologist i am just waiting for the call with the appointmemt time.



bigmama423
by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Here's my horrible mom confession...I don't. It's so hard and frustrating, I'm trying to be patient, but I'm failing at it as well. I try to step away and get a breather to relax than start over. I have 4 kids so I understand how hard it is!! I wish I could help you out some more...but I'm not doing all that great myself!! :/

Quoting lyranightshade:

How do you keep your patience? After so many hours of resistance every step of the way... I find myself just telling him to go to his room or yelling. I HATE yelling. I don't want to. But sometimes, he'll be so in his own world that clapping in front of his face or saying his name won't get his attention. Often times, my hands are full of toddler or dishes or a mop after a ten hour day and yelling is the ONLY way to get his attention. 



Quoting bigmama423:

By the way, I'm going through the same thing with my son. Good luck & hang in there!!




chocolat-smiles
by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:44 PM
Your welcome and don't feel bad, you're an active, caring parent who's looking for ways to help your child instead of looking the other way and giving up. Best of lucks!!!!


Quoting lyranightshade:


Thank you so much for offering help. We have an appointment on Tuesday with his pedi. I'm just... I feel like such a failure. I feel like I should be able to do this, you know? He's my baby. 


Quoting chocolat-smiles:

Maybe take him to his pedi, explain everything as you did here and ask for a referral to a behavioral therapist?





lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:46 PM


I wish I could say I kept my patience, but I don't. I have a younger son (turning 2) and I run the adult day training program for adults with disabilities. lol I spend my day with amazing people who are wonderful, but require a LOT of patience, themselves. I try to just go sit in the bathroom for a minute to take a breather and if it's REALLY bad, we all take a drive. Being in the car usually helps calm things down. I can't imagine dealing with his behavior and three other kids. You have my total respect.

Quoting bigmama423:

Here's my horrible mom confession...I don't. It's so hard and frustrating, I'm trying to be patient, but I'm failing at it as well. I try to step away and get a breather to relax than start over. I have 4 kids so I understand how hard it is!! I wish I could help you out some more...but I'm not doing all that great myself!! :/

Quoting lyranightshade:

How do you keep your patience? After so many hours of resistance every step of the way... I find myself just telling him to go to his room or yelling. I HATE yelling. I don't want to. But sometimes, he'll be so in his own world that clapping in front of his face or saying his name won't get his attention. Often times, my hands are full of toddler or dishes or a mop after a ten hour day and yelling is the ONLY way to get his attention. 



Quoting bigmama423:

By the way, I'm going through the same thing with my son. Good luck & hang in there!!






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