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HELP from mommas with special needs kids, PLEASE. At my breaking point.

It's been a long time since I've been on here. But I know that there are a lot of mommas here with kids who have special needs and might be able to help me out. My oldest DS will be 5 in June. His behavior has gotten to the point that this evening, I broke down and cried because I just didn't know what to do. He won't listen to a word anyone says... he obsesses about the time something will happen, how many days until, he'll fight sleep until he just passes out if we screw his bedtime routine up. He's so, so smart that it's hard to challenge him academically, but he won't really interact with kids his age. He'll play games with younger kids and get frustrated when they don't follow the rules. Recently, he has pushed a boy down the stairs, thrown rocks at his teacher, and actually BITTEN another kid. What almost five year old bites another kid? He has melt downs that you can't snap him out of. 

As for discipline, we've tried so many methods... yes, long enough and consistent enough that if it were to work, it would have shown some improvement. Totally ignoring any and all "attention seeking/"bad" behavior and enthusiastically rewarding good, removing toys and priveledges and having him earn them back, even spanking (which had absolutely NO effect on him), time outs... time outs that were timed kept him occupied because he would count ticking. Time out otherwise didn't work because short of actually restraining him, I couldn't make him STAY in time out.

I work a lot to support my family, but I want what time we have together to be quality, fun time. I have a younger son turning 2 and honestly, I feel like all my mommy time is spent being frustrated beyond belief. My husband is on IV therapy twice a day (a total of seven hours a day) and still working between doses. 

Has anyone else gone through this? What do I tell his pediatrician? What can I expect to happen? What questions should I ask?

by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Replies (21-30):
lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:49 PM

BUMP!

Middlemom32
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:50 PM
Try looking up resources for your state and see what pops up. My state (ohio) has a wonderful program called PACE/Help Me Grow that works miracles! You will probably need a referral from your pedi if your state has a program like it, but it is amazing how much help it is! Good luck!
NDADanceMom
by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:55 PM
I teach special Ed and there are a few things you can try.
One thing we do is talk about expected and unexpected behavior. Make up a scenario like, we planned to go to the water park Saturday but there is a storm. What is expected behavior? Crying, pouting and begging are expected. What is unexpected? Breaking things, hitting, etc. talk your child through the feelings while emotions are low.
We also keep a paper stop light. Green zone feelings are happy, calm, relaxed. Yellow is sad, excited, bored. Red is angry, anxious, etc. talk about how we can move red to yellow, yellow to green. Talk about why sleepy or excited can be feelings we should be aware of. Help him to verbalize and be aware of what zone he is in.
Lastly look on line for weighted blankets. They are amazingly effective at calming kids down.
lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:06 PM


He has trouble identifying emotions... and some trouble identifying what facial expressions mean. He's gotten "smile means happy" and "frown means sad" but that took practice. Emotionally, he's not with others in his age group, that I DO know. 

We HAVE had 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' behaior talks. Like, it's okay to be mad or disappointed that we couldn't go to the movie, but it is NOT okay to throw chairs or break your lamp or bite your arm. And we've had those conversations when there isn't an active emotional blow up impending and when he's calmed down after a melt down, we have a talk about why it happened and what the result of the melt down was. (Did throwing things get your toy back? Did punching someone mean that your building was put back together?) 

I'll look into weighted blankets, but he doesn't like to be restricted and even keeping him in clothes indoors is difficult. lol I'm willing to try ANYTHING at this point. Thank you so much for the advice!

Quoting NDADanceMom:

I teach special Ed and there are a few things you can try.
One thing we do is talk about expected and unexpected behavior. Make up a scenario like, we planned to go to the water park Saturday but there is a storm. What is expected behavior? Crying, pouting and begging are expected. What is unexpected? Breaking things, hitting, etc. talk your child through the feelings while emotions are low.
We also keep a paper stop light. Green zone feelings are happy, calm, relaxed. Yellow is sad, excited, bored. Red is angry, anxious, etc. talk about how we can move red to yellow, yellow to green. Talk about why sleepy or excited can be feelings we should be aware of. Help him to verbalize and be aware of what zone he is in.
Lastly look on line for weighted blankets. They are amazingly effective at calming kids down.



lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:19 PM

BUMP!

lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:27 PM

What questions should I ask the pediatrician? Is there any information I should make sure to NOT leave out?

Bmat
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:30 PM


I don't have any suggestions but thought this group might have further information. Good luck!

lyranightshade
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:37 PM


Thank you!

Quoting Bmat:


I don't have any suggestions but thought this group might have further information. Good luck!



NDADanceMom
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Go through magazines and cut out emotions. A woman crying, a man laughing, a child that is angry. Talk about what zone they are in. Talk about how the face makes them feel. Unless your child has a particular disorder associated with autism he can be taught how to read people and send off the message he intends to send.
"This man looks angry. What do you think he wants to do? How does that make you feel? What zone is it? What are things he can do to get to yellow zone?"
Read up on emotional intelligence. It's something many kids and adults struggle with.


Quoting lyranightshade:


He has trouble identifying emotions... and some trouble identifying what facial expressions mean. He's gotten "smile means happy" and "frown means sad" but that took practice. Emotionally, he's not with others in his age group, that I DO know. 

We HAVE had 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' behaior talks. Like, it's okay to be mad or disappointed that we couldn't go to the movie, but it is NOT okay to throw chairs or break your lamp or bite your arm. And we've had those conversations when there isn't an active emotional blow up impending and when he's calmed down after a melt down, we have a talk about why it happened and what the result of the melt down was. (Did throwing things get your toy back? Did punching someone mean that your building was put back together?) 

I'll look into weighted blankets, but he doesn't like to be restricted and even keeping him in clothes indoors is difficult. lol I'm willing to try ANYTHING at this point. Thank you so much for the advice!


Quoting NDADanceMom:

I teach special Ed and there are a few things you can try.

One thing we do is talk about expected and unexpected behavior. Make up a scenario like, we planned to go to the water park Saturday but there is a storm. What is expected behavior? Crying, pouting and begging are expected. What is unexpected? Breaking things, hitting, etc. talk your child through the feelings while emotions are low.

We also keep a paper stop light. Green zone feelings are happy, calm, relaxed. Yellow is sad, excited, bored. Red is angry, anxious, etc. talk about how we can move red to yellow, yellow to green. Talk about why sleepy or excited can be feelings we should be aware of. Help him to verbalize and be aware of what zone he is in.

Lastly look on line for weighted blankets. They are amazingly effective at calming kids down.




famiglia_bella
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 10:15 PM

Have you considered Eastern Medicine?  Holistic?  My friend was in a similar situation, not as drastic, and she had some good results from acupuncture and holistic methods.

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