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HELP from mommas with special needs kids, PLEASE. At my breaking point.

It's been a long time since I've been on here. But I know that there are a lot of mommas here with kids who have special needs and might be able to help me out. My oldest DS will be 5 in June. His behavior has gotten to the point that this evening, I broke down and cried because I just didn't know what to do. He won't listen to a word anyone says... he obsesses about the time something will happen, how many days until, he'll fight sleep until he just passes out if we screw his bedtime routine up. He's so, so smart that it's hard to challenge him academically, but he won't really interact with kids his age. He'll play games with younger kids and get frustrated when they don't follow the rules. Recently, he has pushed a boy down the stairs, thrown rocks at his teacher, and actually BITTEN another kid. What almost five year old bites another kid? He has melt downs that you can't snap him out of. 

As for discipline, we've tried so many methods... yes, long enough and consistent enough that if it were to work, it would have shown some improvement. Totally ignoring any and all "attention seeking/"bad" behavior and enthusiastically rewarding good, removing toys and priveledges and having him earn them back, even spanking (which had absolutely NO effect on him), time outs... time outs that were timed kept him occupied because he would count ticking. Time out otherwise didn't work because short of actually restraining him, I couldn't make him STAY in time out.

I work a lot to support my family, but I want what time we have together to be quality, fun time. I have a younger son turning 2 and honestly, I feel like all my mommy time is spent being frustrated beyond belief. My husband is on IV therapy twice a day (a total of seven hours a day) and still working between doses. 

Has anyone else gone through this? What do I tell his pediatrician? What can I expect to happen? What questions should I ask?

by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Replies (31-40):
Tameez
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:17 PM

Awe honey, it sounds like you are doing everything you can.  Talking with your pediatrician is a great idea.  Maybe he/she will have additional ideas or maybe even refer you to a behavior specilist.  


Hang in there kiddo.

  Tammie

Mommyof1_2013
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:20 PM
I hope the pedi can help. I would tell him everything you've told us about his behavior. I'm not a Dr or a special needs parent so I can exactly help other than give encouragement.
Big_Momma_X02
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:47 PM

I have no advice for You,I hope things will get better for You and your son...

hugs

thatgirl70
by Carin on May. 17, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I'm in the same boat in a way with my 6 year old (he has dyspraxia), but I don't want to delve further into it here. But I've been under so much stress here with him and yeah I've done my share of crying lately. 

Maladro
by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 9:01 AM


Some of the descriptions sound kind of familiar. My son was a bitter, but at 2 and 3 years old, by five but it got him in a lot of trouble, being almost asked to not return to summer camp.... summer camp!!! All the teachers had always a hard time with him, but luckyly he also has this very very sweet side that helps him a lot.

I would receive complains almost every day from school and yes there had been some times when I just sit and cry my eyes out.

He was just recently diagnosed with ADHD

Now, to tell you the truth, bad, bad antrums and things like hitting teachers, did not happen too often because he was immediately removed from the situations. I did the 1,2,3 method, which is you count to 3 but when you get to 3 you HAVE to do whatever you threatened to do, and at the begining it was uncomfortable and challenging to me, because in some cases it included actualy leaving a playdate just 5 minutes after we arrived (with my friends) or leaving the water park when we did not even made it to the door, leaving a party or stopping in the middle of the road to get him out of the car (with me by his side) until he compose himself.

Now that he is older, electronics like his Nintendo DS are removed for certain amount of times, we a currently going for a full month without any electronics... yes a full month, thats how ugly he was, being disrespectful.

At school, we are doing a daily report card, with rewards.. rewards tend to be way more effective with this kind of kids than punishment... punishment has its time and place but in general I have seen good progress with reward system... if you want a deeper information on how we do this, just message me.

I had to visit the pediatrician just to get the "recommendation" to see a pshycologist, since my husband and I were completely against medication I took my time in finding a doctor that would be open to other options and would not push for mediaction for our son. So we will start therapy soon, Its called Neurofeedback and I have read and heard wonderful things about it.

The negative behaviour, as you already stated comes mostly out of frustration, so we as parents need to be patient and understanding but at the same time firm and any kind of disorder is no excuse for disrespect or bad behavior.

It kills me the consequences that his disorder can have in his self image and his social life, so I am trying and will be trying very hard to help him.

Now your son may have something completely different, or even the same with other combinations ( this disorders come in groups!!!) there is one called Defiant Deficit!!!! and my son has shown a little bit of that, but was not diagnosed with it...

Having him diagnosed and for me to understand and accept it was emotionally draining and super sad, now I got over the first step and ready to try the solutions.

Good luck and if you want any links of information about ADHD and or the way we do the reward system just message me!



misbishy
by on May. 29, 2013 at 12:37 PM
I have a soon that is autistic. He is 9. he goes to regular schools, and is very smart. I do however feel for you, because I know what you are going through. Punishment methods are hard, my son hates to be stood in the corner. I do not spank my kids. Its really though. You may need to do some type of behavior method with an organization. Hang in there. I know it's not easy, it takes time, and a lot of love.
Loveofmylife07
by Bronze Member on May. 29, 2013 at 12:49 PM
we went through this with my son but more severe. He was aggressive to others and a danger to his self and others. we took him to his pedi and she would talk to a pedi psychiatrists and they would inform her on what to do. Many hospitalizations and many meds later we are finally in a good spot. He will be 6 in November
nutty-mom
by Member on May. 29, 2013 at 1:04 PM
My twins have aspergers and were acting the same way at that age. They went to behavioral therapy and occupational therapy and speech therapy for a few years. We also did pcit (parent child interactive therapy). All this together did amazing to help all of us. They are 8 now and are the sweetiest kids. They still have small melt down due to their sensory issues. But I can handle them. They cry and I just rub their back or arms and hold them in my lap and cuddle them. Also a weighted blanket wrapped around them or covered up with it works wonders for melt downs
Good luck mama. I feel for you and my heart aches for you I know what you are going through. I was alone with all 3 of my kids also. Hubby worked a lot and said I can't deal with this. Thank God for my mom she was their to help me
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Imjustinsmommy
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 1:07 PM

my ds1 has alot of those  issues too.. we had an eval & we found out he has high functioning autism. with some adhd... thats all the repetive  talking &  obsession with time & stuff.. maybe he bit her bc  she messed up his  set up wihile playing? my ds doenst bite but when ds2 messes up his cars he  gets mad or upset they dont like things out of order ya know?

 he fights sleeping,  he also doenst always get emotions  its npt that bad.. he gets  them more than not but  not always

 its hard to keep my patience i have a  16 month old as well & like you life is  busy..

 we are now looking for a 2cd opinion & he recieves services we are also looking into a  developmental  dr too.

 keep a rigid routine & be firm.  its super hard & i dont even  have it as bad as some do with kids who are not  high funcioning =/

 breath.. it will be ok!

TheMeanestMom
by Member on May. 29, 2013 at 1:15 PM
I have my degree in special ed. I taught MIMD kindergarten for a year lot and we had one student that was a real doozey . She was diagnosed with everything under the sun, add, ocd , odd, bipolar and her iq was low but only because she refused to take the test. She was abrilliant sweet girl, until out of seemingly no where she would bite a chunk out of someone's arm. Anyway my mentor teacher introduced me to Love and Logic. I highly recommend their books and even Logic taking a class. Its a great method.

I also would see the doctor but no matter what the diagnosis I think love and Logic can be helpful.

I also have a friend who has a son who is quite a handful. He was getting written up at school every single day for one thing or another. He was very impulsive and hyper. Anyway she removed gluten and dairy from his diet and has seen great results.
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