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have this mother in law......

Posted by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:32 PM
  • 28 Replies

 

Poll

Question: should in laws treat step grandkids the same as bio if raised together from very young?

Options:

yes

no


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Total Votes: 63

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ok, i'm sure you have heard stuff like this before but, my mother in law wants nothing to do with my kids, only her bio sons little girl.  They are all young and will be raised together because my husbands ex passed away.  His mother took us to court for grandparents rights even though we allowed her to babysit once a week, asked her to come and visit etc etc  she refuses to come to my home when the kids are home from school and refuses to visit with anyone other than her bio granddaughter.  She now has one weekend a month with her.  She wants more even though we agreed to let her have the weekend.  She claims that people she knows get to spend a lot more time with their grandkids... again she refuses to visit us or be around when my kids are home.  She constantly calls and hurts my husband.... with her it's never enough mentality.  she wants more time than anyone else in the family has, more and more, and more.  She claims that everyone gets more time and that we are alienating her, but we are not,  we treat her fairly.... We want her to treat them equally, but she just doesn't even want to give them a chance.  She gave the kids candy bags for Christmas and Easter and that was it, yes i'm glad they received it but it's really getting aggrivating... what do you think

by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsKaufold1990
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:35 PM

I think I am highly confused. 

I sat down and talked to my mother inn law about it. 

And she agreed and said she would never treat differently

julariel
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:45 PM

after almost three years, she still doesn't want anything to do with my kids, and they are really sweet and at first wanted to be around her... i just don't see this being good in a couple years, it's going to be hard on them, lots of hurt feelings

yryssa1
by Member on May. 21, 2013 at 5:51 PM
My mil treats my kids just the same as she does her bio grand kids. From the beginning she always had. My DD would be crushed if her NaNa didn't want anything to do with her :(

And also I see one night a month as plenty of time to spend with grand kids. As long as there were other get togethers in between (with the whole family). Why would a grandparent demand more time with a child that isn't even theirs? IMO
julariel
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:55 PM

she has all weekend friday night to sunday night, is allowed to come to our home to visit anytime and that's just with the one...

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on May. 21, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Yeah I would talk with her about how you are building a cohesive family and even though they may not be blood, all children will be treated equally or not at all.   Is the girl child the oldest of group or youngest? Do you have boys, girls or a mix of both?

julariel
by on May. 21, 2013 at 6:20 PM

her bio granddaughter is the youngest at 5, and the others are my youngest girl at 6, and boy/ girl twins at 9.  We have talked to her about it and her continued response has been that other grandparents don't have to and have more time, and that she doesn't have to treat them the same.  Which i can't force her but she should want to, they are sweet kids.  She took us to court because she wanted to be alone with her bio grandaughter... no matter how hard we tried to work it out...

Windy1890
by on May. 21, 2013 at 7:27 PM
It's unfair to the other kids and she should be treating them as equals. I don't know what happened between your dh and his mom but it sounds to me like there is a negative past there and the kids are caught in the middle. Depending on what that past is she might never except your kids.

I'm guessing she doesn't overly except you as your husbands wife that is why she is not excepting your kids. I'm also guessing she had a good retaliationship with your dh's ex and that's why she is fighting hard to hang on to her gd.

Was she in your kids lives before your dh's ex passed away?

I'm not saying what she is doing is right but if you understand where she is coming from. It would be easier to explain your side to her.

I'm assuming here that you got married or started dating you dh before his ex passed away.
julariel
by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:45 PM

yes we were married before the ex passed, we had built a unified family with the ex and was working together, it was good... the mil treated her just as bad if not worse than what she does me and she has rejected all of us from the very beginning.... it honestly doesn't make any sense.... i have tried to understand her but no amount of compassion and trying to reason with her ever seems to work

jconney80
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:09 PM

Yes she should treat them equally! 

jconney80
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:09 PM

When my husband and I got married my daughter was 4. She is not his biological child. Now we have 2 kids together. My FIL sends each kid the same amount of money for Christmas every year even though she's not even his biological grandchild. 

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