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have this mother in law......

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Question: should in laws treat step grandkids the same as bio if raised together from very young?




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ok, i'm sure you have heard stuff like this before but, my mother in law wants nothing to do with my kids, only her bio sons little girl.  They are all young and will be raised together because my husbands ex passed away.  His mother took us to court for grandparents rights even though we allowed her to babysit once a week, asked her to come and visit etc etc  she refuses to come to my home when the kids are home from school and refuses to visit with anyone other than her bio granddaughter.  She now has one weekend a month with her.  She wants more even though we agreed to let her have the weekend.  She claims that people she knows get to spend a lot more time with their grandkids... again she refuses to visit us or be around when my kids are home.  She constantly calls and hurts my husband.... with her it's never enough mentality.  she wants more time than anyone else in the family has, more and more, and more.  She claims that everyone gets more time and that we are alienating her, but we are not,  we treat her fairly.... We want her to treat them equally, but she just doesn't even want to give them a chance.  She gave the kids candy bags for Christmas and Easter and that was it, yes i'm glad they received it but it's really getting aggrivating... what do you think

by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:15 PM
Then she needs to except the other kids or cut herself out. It's her choice. You can't be there for one and refuse the others. It can create resentment towards your husband bio daughter from your kids. His daughter doesn't deserve that and neither do your kids.
by Gold Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:26 PM

There's no way on Earth I'd let that fly.  You say she took you to court? Did you tell them that she refuses to treat her grand children equally? I'd cut her off if she were my mother. 

by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:28 PM

She's being a little ridiculous about not wanting to visit when you're kids are there.  What's wrong with your kids being at their home?  Are they allowed to visit her when you go ver there?  You should tell her they're just kids, not some kind of ferocious animal that'll bite their head off or something.  Maybe something like that will put it into perspective.  I understand if she doesn't do everything for your kids that she does for the bio granddaughter or whatever, but she doesn't have to be that ridiculous about it.  My BIL live 6 hours away and when his wife and his stepkids come up to visit, they stay with MIL and everyone get treated fairly. 

by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:30 PM

Should they? Idk. My mom has never consider my stepson her grandchild even though he has lived with us full time for 13 years. She is just that way. My dad considers all the kids his grandkids. My stepson insists at age 17, that I am not his mother. So I let him be that way. Im not going to waste energy or my peace of mind on arguing with a teenager over this.

by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:46 PM

honestly I am a lot more concerned about them isolating my step daughter and the mil, which if things continue it will happen, we are blessed that the FIL and his wife are wonderful and do their best to treat the kids well, and the ex's family treats them well, very well actually and they are an important part of all of our lives, they even paid for our lawyer... i just can't help but wish that ALL the drama would just STOP!!  I just want her to stop complaining about it not being enough, and not HAVING to spend time with the other kids... it's ridiculous... any ideas??

by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this

number one.....grandparents do not have rights anywhere in the country. You can cut her ass off and for good and not allow her to come into your family dynamics. I would tell her that you will, should she continue her bull, and if she does continue, just tell her no when she tries to visit. YOUR kid, not HER kid. You do not have to allow any visits at all, period.

by Member on May. 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I would cut her out completely until she can trea them all equally. If she takes u to court, let the judge know her ridiculousness and how it's creating the rift between the children, and hurt feelings amongst everyone..I'm sure  he will see how poisonous that relationship is

by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:15 AM

honestly, your MIL sounds a little touched in the head -- like she has mental health issues.  how does your own mother treat your husband's daughter?  does she spent equal time with the grandkids?  i would just let time heal all wounds (as they say) -- eventually, she will come around. 

by Platinum Member on May. 22, 2013 at 7:24 AM

I think I feel really sorry for your kids! I also feel sorry for the MIL who will never know the true meaning of being a grandmother! I am also sorry to you. I was blessed beyond expectations with two lovely MILs. One is still very active in my sons life (his actual nana on dads side) and the one who was a "step" who passed away a year ago.  She never ever did that to my boy. She treated hi as her own from the monent she met us. She bragged on him even more so than her own bio grandkids!

What a pity for this woman to behave this way!

by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:31 AM
The way I see it your Dh needs to sit down and tell. Her she need to treat all the kids the same and she will only be getting the time she has now. If she can't treat all the kids the same she doesn't need to see only bio grandchild. There is going to be resentment and hatred from all the kids. Im sorry you are going through this.
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