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have this mother in law......

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Question: should in laws treat step grandkids the same as bio if raised together from very young?




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ok, i'm sure you have heard stuff like this before but, my mother in law wants nothing to do with my kids, only her bio sons little girl.  They are all young and will be raised together because my husbands ex passed away.  His mother took us to court for grandparents rights even though we allowed her to babysit once a week, asked her to come and visit etc etc  she refuses to come to my home when the kids are home from school and refuses to visit with anyone other than her bio granddaughter.  She now has one weekend a month with her.  She wants more even though we agreed to let her have the weekend.  She claims that people she knows get to spend a lot more time with their grandkids... again she refuses to visit us or be around when my kids are home.  She constantly calls and hurts my husband.... with her it's never enough mentality.  she wants more time than anyone else in the family has, more and more, and more.  She claims that everyone gets more time and that we are alienating her, but we are not,  we treat her fairly.... We want her to treat them equally, but she just doesn't even want to give them a chance.  She gave the kids candy bags for Christmas and Easter and that was it, yes i'm glad they received it but it's really getting aggrivating... what do you think

by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Replies (21-28):
by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:37 AM
Quoting romanceparty4u:

number one.....grandparents do not have rights anywhere in the country. You can cut her ass off and for good and not allow her to come into your family dynamics. I would tell her that you will, should she continue her bull, and if she does continue, just tell her no when she tries to visit. YOUR kid, not HER kid. You do not have to allow any visits at all, period.

Unfortunately, in the states where grandparents rights can be argued in family court if one of the parents is dead the grandparents can fight for visitations. I know it's ridiculous, but unfortunately some states allow this scenario. It's really too bad.

My MIL doesn't like to come and visit her grand child because its not at her house but at this point DH and I are still married and both still alive. So, it's what they get until we both agree that they can have something else.
by Silver Member on May. 22, 2013 at 7:56 AM
In a perfect world the children should be treated the same with the single exception of any kind of family legacy...who gets great-grandmas collection of salt and pepper shakers, that kind of thing. I grew up in such a toxic blended family and I can tell you that it hurts everyone individually as well as the family as a whole. If she can't understand and accept that then you and your husband are completely justified in cutting her out. I don't understand the court issue since she is the parent of your spouse but if necessary I would go to court and fight her, standing firm that her rights do not and should not include the right to undermine your family and your husband's and your right to parent and run your family as the two of you see fit.
by on May. 22, 2013 at 8:07 AM
I've had the same problem up until recently. I have my ODS who is 5, and my DD who is 4 with my exh. My DF and I will have been together 4 years in a couple month. And his mom wanted nothing to do with them. Then we had our 8 month old together and she starts stopping by and bringing our youngest stuff and ignoring the other 2. And they love her for God only knows why. But I was tired of seeing them get hurt because of her. So I told her that until she treats them all the same that she can't see any of them. And my DF agreed which pissed her off more. As of right now she only sees the kids when she drops DF off from work. His family in general is that way. Which is why neither myself or my kids will be going to any more family get togethers until theey stop being jackasses!!! The last thing we went to was a Christmas party where they had all the kids names on stockings. They had my youngest but not my 2 older ones. I was PISSED!!! You'd think after 4 years they'd have realized my kids aren't going away.
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by on May. 22, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Give her the boot. She is obsessed and it is going to hurt the natural grandchild as well as the others. Its your house, your family and your rules. Stop jumping through hoops for this nut. And as for others getting more visiting time that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Who cares what others have and its only her word that they do. And their circumstances could be completely different than yours. If she wants to take it to court that is her problem. You just get yourself an attorney and explain it to him and have him get her off your back. You actualy don't have to let her have any time with any of them. And its about time she understood that. Stop letting her run your lives. I'm a mother-in-law and I wouldn't dream of demanding anything from my kids and their kids. I have never in 50 years interferred with their lives in any way. Sounds  to me that this lady has some problems of her own that she needs help with. Don't let her come between the kids like this.

by on May. 22, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this

YOUR DH Needs to man up and tell her she either will treat all children fairly and visit with all of them.. OR NONE!

Legally there is no such thing as "Grandparents rights" anymore..atleast not in my state..

This isn't your fight to deal with. This is HIS MOTHER! This is his job.. 

by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2013 at 6:34 AM

 I think you have two issues here:  One treating the kids the same, which I disagree with, Two:  your MIL wanting to control your life, which for other reasons, I disagree with

she seems very unpleasant and unreasonable, if she wants to see the kid come and see the kid

every family is different so to say, "Everyone else I know..." is silly

and no i don't think she has to love them all the same but she does need to fit into your schedule

by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm a grandmother to 15.Some are biological and some are not...But they are all mine no matter what.Their ages range from 2-18.However when it comes time to buying the grandchildren things for Christmas that's harder..Because the prices range is so different...LOL But I love every last one of them.As for you problem..I would tell her where to go and how fa rto get there..But that's just me..Because if it hurts my children then watch out.

by Buttcrackncornchips on May. 24, 2013 at 7:08 AM
Personally I think they should all be treated the same even if the non bio grandchildren come into the picture . My husband's brother married when his daughter was 9 and her kids were 9 & 7. My in-laws have never for a second treated them as anything less than grandchildren. She is my role model for everything a MIL should be.
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