Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Am I wrong for not giving a F**** that hes dying?

Posted by on May. 22, 2013 at 10:32 PM
  • 53 Replies

OK let me start with the backstory. My kids dad was the only man ive ever  really been with. i got with him when I was 19. I have two boys by him. We lived together in total HELL for five years til i got sick of his abuse and bullshit and sick of living a lie. I left him in OCT of 2010 and moved from MN to TX. Our oldest was 3 at the time and the youngest had JUST turned one. He ended up moving down to arkansas trying to find us cuz his sister lives there. Well, In the past almost 3 years he has sent a total of $336 dollars to the boys. Works under the table and gets SSI. My sons visited him once two summers ago and hav enever been back since I found out there was drugs and other things going on in front of my kids. He hasnt even spoken to them in 7 months. He has even told me  Ishould loose my kids, he has called CPS with false accusations and  he told me he wished I died and has denied his kids knowing DAMN well they are his.

Well today I get a call from a  random number on the way to work. I dk why i answered it cuz i usually dont but it was his sister. She told me he was dying of scerosis of the liver and didnt have long left. They were at the hospital now. My exact words were " So?What do you want me to do about it? Why are you telling me like Im supposed to care" I really dont.  Now it did hurt that she called me a heartless bitch cuz i am far from that. i will give the shirt of my back but everybody has a breaking point.I do feel bad Im trying to find some compassion cuz im usually a very big hearted caring person, but I really cant find any empathy for him. My oldest hardly asks about him and my youngest has NO clue who he is at all. Now I will probably tell my oldest if and when he dies but Im not saying anything now.. at least not until I know more and until school is out.

Has anyone been in this situation? Am I really wrong for not caring?I care about how my kid will feel but thats as far as my caring goes...

by on May. 22, 2013 at 10:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ramita
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2013 at 10:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I can't say I've ever been through that, but I can say I get how you feel. I also wouldn't say anything to the kids about him until he dies (if he does) because for all you know at this point it could be another 'act'.
godsgirl26
by ♥Char2theMaine♥ on May. 22, 2013 at 11:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I've never gotten to a point where I didn't care if someone died. I wouldn't have said what you said or I would have kept my mouth shut. You have a right to feel how you feel.
KendallsMommee
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2013 at 11:15 PM
You have your reasons. I don't blame you.

But I have to ask, how old is he? Is he an alcoholic?

Cirrhosis of the liver doesn't just happen overnight.

Sorry you're going through this, Momma.
kansasmom1978
by on May. 22, 2013 at 11:22 PM

I dont know what I would do. I dont think I could say that to anyone. No matter what someone has done I still see them as a person, and no one deserves to die like that. My dad did and it was horrible. He is still your boys father. If they are attached to him you need to at least let them see him before he dies. If not just go on.

Imjustinsmommy
by on May. 22, 2013 at 11:32 PM

im sorry, im sure you have alot of bad feelings about him. but im not sure id handle it the same way.. you dont have to care about him & you dont  have to feel anything you dont feel.. but to say that to his sister? idk if i can say that to someone her brother is dying & even  though you had a bad relationship with him its still  a person, a father ( even if he didnt live up to it) a brother, a son.. & so on..   at  one time you did love him i assume? id just be more respectful is all.. maybe just not say you dont care to people who  DO care & are  upset & thought maybe you might too . the way you responded to her  to me  id feel like you were  being mean to me if i was her.. like so what why are YOU calling me. she called you thinking maybe you care & would want to know being you were with him & have his sons. idk... i can't really judge ive never been there.. i dont talk to my own dad &  yet if HE was dying id care.. or i wouldnt say i didnt  to  a family member.. sounds like you're still just real bitter.

terpmama
by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 11:42 PM

Country song... "My give a Damon's busted"

KellyNips
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

the only good that will come out of his death is that your children will be able to collect SSI now.  you are allowed to feel the way you do -- you don't have to feel bad for not feeling anything towards this person.  send your condolences and be done with it.  best of luck to you and your children.

mommy_2_be_2010
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2013 at 7:28 AM
1 mom liked this
You are not heartless and wrong i don't ble you
cmeinthelite29
by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:31 AM
3 moms liked this

Quick story.........My father was a great father when I was younger, until I was 16, not sure what happened after that and he started running around with women and igorning me.  When I had my children, he came in and out of their lives and it hurt them.  The final time he came around, I dared him to disapear again, telling him he would never see us again.  He disappeared, I called him and told him that I wish he would die alone and miserable, no one around to care.  5 months later, he died, 10 states away, on the side of the road of a heart attack, all alone.  

I have felt guilty and sad for 10 years.  

If I were you I'd mourn his passing for my kids.  They are losing the possibility of a father, someone who could have came around and decided to be a good father.  They will be left with "what if's" their whole lives.  and I'd want to say goodbye and make ammends before he passed.  For you, not him.  

Starshine-bela
by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:39 AM
I don't blame you one bit. as you said, everyone has a breaking point. the stuff he put you and your boys through is awful. I hope your oldest isn't too broken up over it but be sad with him, he might need you to pretend to care his father is dying.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN