Adult children living at home - Do they pay rent? (ETA in red and a new ETA in blue)
Do you have an adult child living at home? Were, or are, you an adult living at home?
Do you pay rent? Do chores or have responsibilities to care for the house?
What space do you use?
ETA: My 21yr old boomeranged back after graduating from college - she is supposed to pay $300/mo rent and keep her room and bathroom clean, as well as picking up after herself in the common areas and cleaning the kitchen once a week (Everyone has a day of the week assigned to them to clean the kitchen).
We gave her 6 mos free rent while she found a job, she was supposed to start paying rent in Feb - she has paid a total of $100 out of the $1,200 she owes. Her room and her bathroom are disgusting. She has a FT job, but still whines that it's not fair we make her pay rent.
She complains that none of her other friends have to pay rent or do work around the house....
I can't imagine what we ask of her is too much. Especially since she doesn't do much of anything she agreed to do.
Sadly, we were planning on saving half her rent every month, so we could help her save and get out on her own - but we can't help her save if she never pays. She has a fantasy that she can get her own apartment (1bdrms go for a min of $500 around here - we are in Austin, TX) - If she can't afford $300 all bills paid, how can she afford $500 rent plus bills?
DH and I are at our wits end. We feel we've been more than fair - and now we're faced with making her move out....
What would you do?
New ETA 10:30am 5/26: I neglected to add part of the situation - for six months all we asked her to do was to do a set of chores and occasional extras, in exchange for free room and board. Nothing more than I mentioned before, except the occasional help carpooling the youngers (which was 20 min out of her time twice a month). She did NONE of that - We are trying to teach her responsibility by charging her rent.
Her bathroom and bedroom are disgusting - she refused to change her cat's litter box regularly, so her cat peed all over her room (new carpet) and has been pooping in other parts of the house. I'll post some pics of her room, if I can get them to upload on here - The other three kids only use her bathroom as a "back-up" to use the toilet, even though it's supposed to be for all of them, because she has it so disgusting. We broke down and cleaned it for her and she still hasn't maintained it.
By charging her rent, we are trying to accomplish a few things. 1) We want her to get used to paying someone out of her paycheck. 2) We want to save most of it to help her move out on her own. 3) We want her to feel a sense of responsibility for where she lives - we were hoping that if she pays for it, she'll take more pride in it. 4) We want to give her a small level of being uncomfortable - we want her to get in the mindset of "If I'm paying THEM, then I can pay a landlord and move out"
One very important note: She inherited a good chunk of money, but blew it on nothing and everything. She ignored our advice to budget and save, and instead partied it all away - now she's broke and living with us. It is frustrating because she could easily afford to live on her own if she had even listened to a fraction of our advice. She had a good financial start in life, and instead she is here sucking off of us.
My husband was laid off in December and I am only working part-time right now - so for her to live at home and not contribute (at least by helping with chores and the youngers) is just despicable, IMHO.
...Let me try and add pics of her room so you can see what I'm dealing with....
Here we go - That food trash is next to her bed. What you can't get from pictures is the smell of cat pee and poo - The cat pees and poops all over her stuff. She is constantly washing her stuff (which seems harder, to me, than changing the litterbox once a week - but she doesn't learn).
She also carelessly bleached a dress over our new carpet - so there are bleach spots all over the hallway carpet.
I'll spare you pics of the bathroom....really, you'd thank me if you knew.
Can anyone see why I'm so adament about getting her out on her own?
One important thing I left out - She is my stepdaughter - I have tried to lovingly move her out twice. I have tried to set boundaries countless times. I even tried to kick her out of the house once when she was cussing at me in front of the younger kids (I have a stepson and two bio daughters), but her dad, my DH, caves every time.
Call it divorced dad's guilt - or guilt that her mother is dead (died from cancer 2yrs ago) - I don't know what it is, but IMO, he is not doing her any favors by allowing her to live here. Ironically, my mom died from cancer when I was the same age as my SD, so I empathize with her, for sure - but enabling her is no way to give her the independence she needs to move on with her life.
She's been here since last August and frankly, she's worn out her welcome. I love her to pieces. I've been in her life for 15yrs, I love her like she's my own daughter - which is why I love her enough to give her the tough-love she needs for the independence she needs and desires. I know she hates living here - who wouldn't hate living with their parents at the age of 21?
Anyway - If she helped out and cleaned up after herself, and bought some of her own food, that would help tremendously and she could stay forever, but she doesn't want to be here - it shows - and that's okay. But why would I want anyone in my house who doesn't want to be here?
So our plan was to save most of her "rent" for a few months, then pay her deposit and supplement a portion of her rent for a few months to ease her into independent living, but we can't do that unless she pays us rent! GAH!
If I could just win the lottery, right? LOL