If you've been following us, you know the back story. If not:
We are starting Chemotherapy next week. We are getting away this weekend. We're spending the entire weekend starting tomorrow at my mother in laws in Maui. We need some time away, together. Louie is a fantastic son. I could never have wanted anything more than what I have in him. He is a strong, strong boy. He smiles through all of his pain. We still are so sad we can't do anything to help him feel 100% better. We want to take the pain away but this is Louie's fight. We're just in it with him. We hope more than anything he will be a survivor and I will gladly post another one of these updates one day telling you all the wonderful news that Louie is free from his cancer. That is my only want for my sweet son. We are spending our time with him (however fleeting it may seem), praying and loving and cuddling and living out life to the fullest. The doctors told us today that there is a 30 percent chance he will make it to the age of 5.
My heart was broken! How could someone put an age on my baby? How could he tell me the odds are against me seeing my son live out a life? See him have his first crush? Help him with his homework? Teach him to ride a bike? Drop him off for his first day of school with anxiety and tears and overwhelming joy because he is growing into such a big boy? The odds are stacked against us ever potty training him. Teaching him to swim. Him joining a soccer/football/dance/cheerleading/whatever-the-hell-makes-him-happy team. We might not get to teach our boy musical instruments or bake or watch him in his first school recital. We might not get to tell him over and over and over again to CLEAN THE LIZARD TANK! or PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES LOUIE. We might not get to see him have his first crush, go on his first date, fall in love for the first time, come home with lipstick on his face. We might not get to have him stumbling in all hours of the night like teenagers will do. I might not get to bring him tea and saltines when he's puking his guts up after his first encounter with alcohol. We might not get to see him get heartbroken, only to have a special, special girl fix every piece. We might not get to buy him his first car, see him go to his prom, hear about how his school is "SO LAME". We might not get to have him be embarrassed by us to the point of "PLEASE drop me off at the curb. No mom, please don't come in with me!" We might not get to see him meet the love of his life. Pop the question. Get married. Have children of his own and come visit us with his own family when we're old and wise.
We long for our boy to live out a healthy, happy, eventful life. Full of mistakes and special moments and experience broken hearts and failed tests and happiness and overwhelming joy and love and everything in between. We are living the days we have with him to the absolute fullest. We are in love with our boy and we will fight until there's nothing left.
Please please keep us in your prayers. We are really, truly in need of them. We are heart broken and we are needing prayers for peace.
Thank you so much.