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the phone call that rocked our world th is weekend!

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this weekend has been a real adventure. Dh's 12 year old daughtet called. He hasn't seen or spoken to her in 9 years so it was totally out of the blue. The reason behind that was because when she was 3 dh was pur on probation for something that happened. The terms of his probation said that he was not allowed to have contact with his daughter. once off probation when she was 9 years old he tried to contact her but her mother threatened him. Said she would take him back to court for morw child support, she lie and make up stuff to try and get him thrown in jail ect. He did take her to court but the courts agreed that he shouldn't be allowed to she her.

So all this time he has paid his child support in full and on time, kept health insurance on her, paid for half of all school expenses and sent her $100 on her birthday and christmas.

Saturday late afternoon he gets a phone call from his daughter asking if a she can come over. Dh was at work and couldn't get off but set up for the next day. The next day we picked her up and took her to the flea market and out to lunch. Dh told me that she said her mother has been telling her all along that the reason he hasn't seen her is because he didn't love her and thought she was a burden. He explained how that wasn"t true. Well throught the visit she kept asking odd questions. She asked me how much I paid for my car, begged dh to take her to see our house and asked if she could come over for christmas. Very nice girl, very cute. She didn't seem upset or shyed away from anything. To me it seemed like she didn't care why he dad wasn"t around all those years. Almost as if she had a different agenda.

Well when we dropped her off her mom was telling dh and I how every 3 years she gets a letter from the state asking if she wants to modify the child support but she declines because dh always pays his child support in full and on time. Not like her other kids dad who doesn't. Dh said he felt like she was nicely threatening him. Why would you tell your daughters father in front of her that you considered taking him for more money but didn't that we should be greatful.

I told dh to tread lightly on this whole situation. That I will support him having a relationship with his daughter. That I am here for him and will support him 100 percent. We'll just have too see where it goes. What do you make of the situation?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Replies (21-30):
erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:06 PM
Well that your ok with the x stealing from your child is on you. That is the choice you make. No one should have to and it sure isn't behavior to be looked up to. Actually all she has to do is put in for an adjustment. She doesn't need proof of anything unless he is another upstanding citizen like your x cheating the support and also the IRS with your help. NICE
Quoting little.worthen:

No I say it's shady the way they went about finding out their finances.
My ex pays child support but works part time, about 10 hours a week at a fast food place making minimum wage.
He also works for his cousin as a "volunteer" and gets paid under the table $23 an hour.
Obviously the state bases the child support off of his income that is taxed so he pays me $98 a month for my 8 year old.
Honestly I don't need the money and we are friends so I don't care enough to report him, but he obviously is making a lot more money than he says.
I'm not saying its shady to make them have to pay more, I'm saying the way she was sneaking around for proof of a higher income is shady.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Why is it shady to after 9 years see if its worth it to ask for a reconsideration.  9 years is along time and the cost of living has gone up.  If he should be paying more than he should.  Its not like she can say hey I need 500 more a month and the state just does it.  There are rules and formulas to be followed.  I don't understand this train of thought

Quoting little.worthen:

It's almost like she was trying to see how much money you have so her mom could fight for more support based off of your assets etc.



It sounds shady. "Hi I haven't seen you in 9 years, so how much did you pay for your car and how big is your house?"


Bmat
by Ruby Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with coolmommy. I think a lawyer should be consulted.

little.worthen
by Tess on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:27 PM
Hey! Listen here. Number 1, he isn't stealing from my son. I don't even understand how you could call it stealing, my son has everything he needs and more. Number 2, I am most definitely NOT helping him! I just have no intention of going out of MY way and driving to another state 8 hours away to get proof that he is cheating the government. If I were asked to go to court sure I'd testify against him but other than that I'm not getting into it. Number 3, my sons DAD, the man who is here for him and whom my son calls dad provides for him plenty so if some deadbeat who hasn't seen his son since his first birthday and before that since he was a month old, why the hell should I care? It's something he will have to explain to my son one day. Not me.

I have a happy life, there's no way I'm going to invite a bunch of drama into it just to get back at an ex. He's making his own mistakes. That has nothing to do with me.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Well that your ok with the x stealing from your child is on you. That is the choice you make. No one should have to and it sure isn't behavior to be looked up to. Actually all she has to do is put in for an adjustment. She doesn't need proof of anything unless he is another upstanding citizen like your x cheating the support and also the IRS with your help. NICE

Quoting little.worthen:

No I say it's shady the way they went about finding out their finances.

My ex pays child support but works part time, about 10 hours a week at a fast food place making minimum wage.

He also works for his cousin as a "volunteer" and gets paid under the table $23 an hour.

Obviously the state bases the child support off of his income that is taxed so he pays me $98 a month for my 8 year old.

Honestly I don't need the money and we are friends so I don't care enough to report him, but he obviously is making a lot more money than he says.

I'm not saying its shady to make them have to pay more, I'm saying the way she was sneaking around for proof of a higher income is shady.




Quoting erinsmom1964:

Why is it shady to after 9 years see if its worth it to ask for a reconsideration.  9 years is along time and the cost of living has gone up.  If he should be paying more than he should.  Its not like she can say hey I need 500 more a month and the state just does it.  There are rules and formulas to be followed.  I don't understand this train of thought

Quoting little.worthen:

It's almost like she was trying to see how much money you have so her mom could fight for more support based off of your assets etc.





It sounds shady. "Hi I haven't seen you in 9 years, so how much did you pay for your car and how big is your house?"


erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:35 PM

How do you not see its stealing from your son???  If you don't need the money than put it away for your son.  ITS HIS MONEY to be had not yours.  Tell yourself whatever you need to get through the day but the fact is you know he is cheating your sons support and the IRS.  If you choose not to do anything ( has nothing to do with getting back at him its called DOING THE RIGHT THING and leading by example) your choice but PLEASE don't try and make it sound as if its doing a good thing.  Those who sit by and do nothing( please no one thinks you would have to drive over there and investigate your self  LOL) are just as guilty.  Your choice but own it for what it is. STEALING...FRAUD

Quoting little.worthen:

Hey! Listen here. Number 1, he isn't stealing from my son. I don't even understand how you could call it stealing, my son has everything he needs and more. Number 2, I am most definitely NOT helping him! I just have no intention of going out of MY way and driving to another state 8 hours away to get proof that he is cheating the government. If I were asked to go to court sure I'd testify against him but other than that I'm not getting into it. Number 3, my sons DAD, the man who is here for him and whom my son calls dad provides for him plenty so if some deadbeat who hasn't seen his son since his first birthday and before that since he was a month old, why the hell should I care? It's something he will have to explain to my son one day. Not me.

I have a happy life, there's no way I'm going to invite a bunch of drama into it just to get back at an ex. He's making his own mistakes. That has nothing to do with me.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Well that your ok with the x stealing from your child is on you. That is the choice you make. No one should have to and it sure isn't behavior to be looked up to. Actually all she has to do is put in for an adjustment. She doesn't need proof of anything unless he is another upstanding citizen like your x cheating the support and also the IRS with your help. NICE

Quoting little.worthen:

No I say it's shady the way they went about finding out their finances.

My ex pays child support but works part time, about 10 hours a week at a fast food place making minimum wage.

He also works for his cousin as a "volunteer" and gets paid under the table $23 an hour.

Obviously the state bases the child support off of his income that is taxed so he pays me $98 a month for my 8 year old.

Honestly I don't need the money and we are friends so I don't care enough to report him, but he obviously is making a lot more money than he says.

I'm not saying its shady to make them have to pay more, I'm saying the way she was sneaking around for proof of a higher income is shady.




Quoting erinsmom1964:

Why is it shady to after 9 years see if its worth it to ask for a reconsideration.  9 years is along time and the cost of living has gone up.  If he should be paying more than he should.  Its not like she can say hey I need 500 more a month and the state just does it.  There are rules and formulas to be followed.  I don't understand this train of thought

Quoting little.worthen:

It's almost like she was trying to see how much money you have so her mom could fight for more support based off of your assets etc.





It sounds shady. "Hi I haven't seen you in 9 years, so how much did you pay for your car and how big is your house?"



momofsixangels
by Ruby Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 3:16 PM


Quoting frillyflower:

Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.

This

little.worthen
by Tess on Jun. 10, 2013 at 4:47 PM

are you kidding me? okay. whatever you want to think.we have money we put away for my son. my husband is going to adopt him. his biological father BEGS me on a regular basis to let him sign over his rights. 

so no. he isnt stealing from my son. if i'm at fault for anything it would be making this adoption take so long.

you crack me up. you have no idea about me or my situation or anything that has gone on with us. and yet you feel that you can sit here and condem me and judge me. ya know what? think and say what you want thats fine. i dont have to explain myself to you. 

I hope you have a good day. and make sure you dont fall too hard off that high horse of yours. (=

Quoting erinsmom1964:

How do you not see its stealing from your son???  If you don't need the money than put it away for your son.  ITS HIS MONEY to be had not yours.  Tell yourself whatever you need to get through the day but the fact is you know he is cheating your sons support and the IRS.  If you choose not to do anything ( has nothing to do with getting back at him its called DOING THE RIGHT THING and leading by example) your choice but PLEASE don't try and make it sound as if its doing a good thing.  Those who sit by and do nothing( please no one thinks you would have to drive over there and investigate your self  LOL) are just as guilty.  Your choice but own it for what it is. STEALING...FRAUD

Quoting little.worthen:

Hey! Listen here. Number 1, he isn't stealing from my son. I don't even understand how you could call it stealing, my son has everything he needs and more. Number 2, I am most definitely NOT helping him! I just have no intention of going out of MY way and driving to another state 8 hours away to get proof that he is cheating the government. If I were asked to go to court sure I'd testify against him but other than that I'm not getting into it. Number 3, my sons DAD, the man who is here for him and whom my son calls dad provides for him plenty so if some deadbeat who hasn't seen his son since his first birthday and before that since he was a month old, why the hell should I care? It's something he will have to explain to my son one day. Not me.

I have a happy life, there's no way I'm going to invite a bunch of drama into it just to get back at an ex. He's making his own mistakes. That has nothing to do with me.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Well that your ok with the x stealing from your child is on you. That is the choice you make. No one should have to and it sure isn't behavior to be looked up to. Actually all she has to do is put in for an adjustment. She doesn't need proof of anything unless he is another upstanding citizen like your x cheating the support and also the IRS with your help. NICE

Quoting little.worthen:

No I say it's shady the way they went about finding out their finances.

My ex pays child support but works part time, about 10 hours a week at a fast food place making minimum wage.

He also works for his cousin as a "volunteer" and gets paid under the table $23 an hour.

Obviously the state bases the child support off of his income that is taxed so he pays me $98 a month for my 8 year old.

Honestly I don't need the money and we are friends so I don't care enough to report him, but he obviously is making a lot more money than he says.

I'm not saying its shady to make them have to pay more, I'm saying the way she was sneaking around for proof of a higher income is shady.




Quoting erinsmom1964:

Why is it shady to after 9 years see if its worth it to ask for a reconsideration.  9 years is along time and the cost of living has gone up.  If he should be paying more than he should.  Its not like she can say hey I need 500 more a month and the state just does it.  There are rules and formulas to be followed.  I don't understand this train of thought

Quoting little.worthen:

It's almost like she was trying to see how much money you have so her mom could fight for more support based off of your assets etc.





It sounds shady. "Hi I haven't seen you in 9 years, so how much did you pay for your car and how big is your house?"






hismommy2010
by Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 8:39 PM

 How long have you been with this man? That makes a very big difference in how you should view this entire thing. If you weren't there from the start then you don't truly know how everything went down.

As far as the court setting it to where he couldn't see his child. That was either because he was charged with some form of sexual act with a minor, wether it were rape, or him messing with an under-aged girl. Or if he abused his ex. There are no other reasons a court will prevent a father from seeing their child, unless it's something major.

Next, I don't care what the ex said she would do, nothing and I mean NOTHING would prevent me from seeing my child ( once the courts allowed it).

Sounds like you are getting his part of the story only. While it's always nice to support your spouse and be there for them, you also shouldn't turn a blind eye to shit you really don't have all the info on.

 

Keep in mind, there are always 3 sides to every story. There are the stories from both sides that are involved, then there is the TRUTH! So get all your facts first. Something here doesn't add up, and I don't feel it falls solely on the ex and the child.

Kageegirl
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 7:50 AM
I have been married to my dh for almost 10 years. The reason my dh was on probation and not allowed to see his daughter was because he was caught having sex with a 15 year old who claimed she was 18 years old. They dated for 3 months before this happened. If it's money she's after money we don't have. Dh makes $20 an hour and already pays $405 a month. We don't have a lot of assests. I drive a 2005 town and country, dh and I have pre paid android cell phones, my son (7) got a tablet f rom my parents, we have a wii, 3 older model tvs and a 5 year old wii.


Quoting hismommy2010:

 How long have you been with this man? That makes a very big difference in how you should view this entire thing. If you weren't there from the start then you don't truly know how everything went down.


As far as the court setting it to where he couldn't see his child. That was either because he was charged with some form of sexual act with a minor, wether it were rape, or him messing with an under-aged girl. Or if he abused his ex. There are no other reasons a court will prevent a father from seeing their child, unless it's something major.


Next, I don't care what the ex said she would do, nothing and I mean NOTHING would prevent me from seeing my child ( once the courts allowed it).


Sounds like you are getting his part of the story only. While it's always nice to support your spouse and be there for them, you also shouldn't turn a blind eye to shit you really don't have all the info on.


 


Keep in mind, there are always 3 sides to every story. There are the stories from both sides that are involved, then there is the TRUTH! So get all your facts first. Something here doesn't add up, and I don't feel it falls solely on the ex and the child.


Mazou80
by Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 9:05 AM
I think so as well


Quoting frillyflower:

Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.

27Peanuts
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 4:08 PM

How do you feel?The sad part s, you might be true..the ex (baby's mama) might be up to something scrupulous. I'm for all reuniting families but the mom (baby's mama), the daughter after all these years..they way you narrated the story makes me suspicious of the daughter's sincerity of trying to make a loving and caring relationship with her father...good luck. Keep us posted. confusedshrugging

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