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the phone call that rocked our world th is weekend!

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this weekend has been a real adventure. Dh's 12 year old daughtet called. He hasn't seen or spoken to her in 9 years so it was totally out of the blue. The reason behind that was because when she was 3 dh was pur on probation for something that happened. The terms of his probation said that he was not allowed to have contact with his daughter. once off probation when she was 9 years old he tried to contact her but her mother threatened him. Said she would take him back to court for morw child support, she lie and make up stuff to try and get him thrown in jail ect. He did take her to court but the courts agreed that he shouldn't be allowed to she her.

So all this time he has paid his child support in full and on time, kept health insurance on her, paid for half of all school expenses and sent her $100 on her birthday and christmas.

Saturday late afternoon he gets a phone call from his daughter asking if a she can come over. Dh was at work and couldn't get off but set up for the next day. The next day we picked her up and took her to the flea market and out to lunch. Dh told me that she said her mother has been telling her all along that the reason he hasn't seen her is because he didn't love her and thought she was a burden. He explained how that wasn"t true. Well throught the visit she kept asking odd questions. She asked me how much I paid for my car, begged dh to take her to see our house and asked if she could come over for christmas. Very nice girl, very cute. She didn't seem upset or shyed away from anything. To me it seemed like she didn't care why he dad wasn"t around all those years. Almost as if she had a different agenda.

Well when we dropped her off her mom was telling dh and I how every 3 years she gets a letter from the state asking if she wants to modify the child support but she declines because dh always pays his child support in full and on time. Not like her other kids dad who doesn't. Dh said he felt like she was nicely threatening him. Why would you tell your daughters father in front of her that you considered taking him for more money but didn't that we should be greatful.

I told dh to tread lightly on this whole situation. That I will support him having a relationship with his daughter. That I am here for him and will support him 100 percent. We'll just have too see where it goes. What do you make of the situation?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Replies (41-48):
ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 9:46 PM

Well it sounds like her mom asked her to ask those questions.  She wanted to see what you spend on things and how nice they are. She wants more money. So I would get prepared to receive a notice in the mail to go back to court.

ducey99
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:20 AM
It sounds like she sent her daughter to snoop and see how well you all are living. Don't be surprised if he gets a letter from the state asking for increased child support. The good news is she's 12 and will be only afforded one more chance to modify at the age of 15. Hopefully, he can establish a good relationship with his daughter in the meantime. It's a shame that some women use their kids as pawns in a game.
gamermom81
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this
the snooping thing isnt whats throwing me, its why was your husband not allowed to contact her while on probation, the only people o know who are barred from being around kids while in probation are sex offenders
Sunshine257
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 8:08 AM
If he makes more then I would think it is fair to modify it. Or makes less.. I hope the daughter really wants to know him and this isn't some weird set up. Good luck
elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Sorry, but it sort of seems like this to me, too. Why did she call instead of the mom? And why does mom suddenly not object?

Quoting frillyflower:

Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.


frillyflower
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:32 AM

That was my issue, too. Suddenly the mom just "doesn't care" anymore and is willing to let him in her life after 12 years? I don't think so. I cannot see her having an innocent change of heart when three years prior she threatened to make up lies to get him arrested etc if he came around them. If someone has hated her husband for 9 years, it isn't going to drastically change three years later. I'm just not buying it. .

Edit: I also completely forgot that you she he was arrested and on probation for having sex with a minor. Another reason a mother wouldn't just decide "sure, spend time with my pre-teen daughter" out of nowhere. 


Quoting elasmimi:

Sorry, but it sort of seems like this to me, too. Why did she call instead of the mom? And why does mom suddenly not object?

Quoting frillyflower:

Huh. Sounded to me like she sent her daughter to "scope out" how nice your stuff is so she will know if it's worth it to take you for more money or not.




frillyflower
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:34 AM

I think she said he is a registered sex offender. Look back through the comments. She said what happened. [[He was busted for having sex with a 15 year old.]]


Quoting gamermom81:

the snooping thing isnt whats throwing me, its why was your husband not allowed to contact her while on probation, the only people o know who are barred from being around kids while in probation are sex offenders



momto3B
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:49 AM

His daughter's mother sounds very manipulative and conniving. That said, it would be great for the two of you to get to know his daughter and develop a positive relationship with her, one that might help to alleviate the influence from the "dark side" that is her mother. 

As they say, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".  Best of luck. 

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