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Not a new mom, just a miserable mom

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 9:01 PM
  • 35 Replies

Okay, so I think I have read something to this account all over the web. I hate my life. I love my kids, I think. I know that sounds terrible. Let me explain. Each of my babies were planned. They range in the age of preteen to first grader. I have three. My middle child is a screamer. I cannot stand how he bullies everyone with his temper. I just want to run away.

What makes matters worse is that I feel exhausted all the time. I work three jobs. We made a decision many years ago that one of us should be a stay-at-home parent. I way out earn my husband and he was okay with it. The problem is that he does little. Do the kids get fed? Eventually. Does the place get cleaned? Not consistently. I just feel that everything falls on me.

Yes, I have spoken to my husband about this. He appologizes and says he'll work on this. Yes, the kids do chores. He doesn't think they do enough. I do. I think he doesn't do enough. I have a mirror my parents gave me for Christmas FIVE years ago. He still hasn't hung it. Recently, his reply was, "Well, it's ugly anyway." When I called him on his snarky behavior, the discussion was reduced to telling me to hire someone to do it and anything else I wanted done.

It's gotten to the point that I wouldn't mind if he went on an errand and never came home. I really have grown to hate him, which is stupid. I don't want my kids growing up in a broken home, but I don't want them growing up in a miserable one either.

Counseling? Who knows. There certainly is no money for it.

by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 9:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:11 PM
3 moms liked this

You dont have insurance from any of your jobs?  If you are working 3 jobs that is not fair to shoulder the whole burden.  Perhaps family counseling for everyone so that team work can be built up.  Someone needs to guide them and teach them how to be productive adults.   Dad may be suffering from depression as well which will make everything worse.

BoxxyBabee
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:13 PM
That's not fair you have to work 3 jobs
Adexecmom
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:17 PM

You sound overwhelmed, and rightly so.  I hate that there's no money for counseling, since I think it would help.  Both with your husband and by yourself.  You work 3 jobs and there's not much help at home from your stay at home husband.  You need some help.  Is there a clinic near you that sees patients on a sliding scale based on income?  Do you attend church?  Pastors are usually very well educated in counseling.  What about other churches?  I live in the Bible Belt and there is always a church that has group therapy classes for couples.  For free.  You need someone to talk to.  You have a lot on your plate.  I know I didn't help much, but maybe something I said can trigger some idea on how to get some help.  You need it.  XOXO

TerriAnne2606
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:28 PM

I'm so sorry.  I'm in a similar situation.  Trying to figure out how to leave.  My husband is snarky, rude, blows up at nothing...  I'm sorry and wish I had an answer for you.  Good luck.

anniegyg
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Everybody, thanks. TerriAnne, how do you stomach it?
anniegyg
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Thanks, I do feel overwhelmed. I grew up Catholic and left the church. I don't believe in any of it any more. I've done counseling before, many years ago. He doesn't believe in any if it. It would probably make him more hostile if I were to suggest it.


Quoting Adexecmom:

You sound overwhelmed, and rightly so.  I hate that there's no money for counseling, since I think it would help.  Both with your husband and by yourself.  You work 3 jobs and there's not much help at home from your stay at home husband.  You need some help.  Is there a clinic near you that sees patients on a sliding scale based on income?  Do you attend church?  Pastors are usually very well educated in counseling.  What about other churches?  I live in the Bible Belt and there is always a church that has group therapy classes for couples.  For free.  You need someone to talk to.  You have a lot on your plate.  I know I didn't help much, but maybe something I said can trigger some idea on how to get some help.  You need it.  XOXO


Momofmenagerie
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Doesn't like it's the kids you gave birth kids, but the one you married.

My feeling is honestly, to tell him you want to switch now, he needs to work on getting a job and you are quitting one of your jobs to put pressure on him to get one.

You will then have more time to instill the discipline, he is not. Get them fed regularly, bathed regularly and that mirror hung ;-)

This is just me, I know it's a vent.... But it isn't your children that are driving you batty , your husband not to doing his full share.

( so perhaps a breath of fresh air for both of you will help)
anniegyg
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:45 PM
TerrieAnne, how do you stomach it? I've gotten to the point where I don't want to be home, which I don't think would be fair to my kids.
He runs both ends of the spectrum. One particularly bad day, I Ted him to get out. He told me that I was welcome to leave, but that it was his house. I pay literally every bill, so that was rich. Today he said he'd move out. Not really sure what he would do.


Quoting TerriAnne2606:

I'm so sorry.  I'm in a similar situation.  Trying to figure out how to leave.  My husband is snarky, rude, blows up at nothing...  I'm sorry and wish I had an answer for you.  Good luck.


anniegyg
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:49 PM
He does feel like the fourth child! He'll throw a tantrum and act irrationally and I will calmly tell him to chill. He's then said something inane like our son is acting the same way. Umm, yeah, I reply, but he's seven!

As far as switching, I don't see that happening. I severely out earn him and we're barely making ends meet now. I just need him to find a job, even a low-paying one, just so he'll be out of the house.


Quoting Momofmenagerie:

Doesn't like it's the kids you gave birth kids, but the one you married.



My feeling is honestly, to tell him you want to switch now, he needs to work on getting a job and you are quitting one of your jobs to put pressure on him to get one.



You will then have more time to instill the discipline, he is not. Get them fed regularly, bathed regularly and that mirror hung ;-)



This is just me, I know it's a vent.... But it isn't your children that are driving you batty , your husband not to doing his full share.



( so perhaps a breath of fresh air for both of you will help)


anniegyg
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:50 PM
I live in fear every day because none of my babies have insurance. I'm covered, but that's it. I had to decide between insurance or mortgage.


Quoting frndlyfn:

You dont have insurance from any of your jobs?  If you are working 3 jobs that is not fair to shoulder the whole burden.  Perhaps family counseling for everyone so that team work can be built up.  Someone needs to guide them and teach them how to be productive adults.   Dad may be suffering from depression as well which will make everything worse.


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