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My boyfriend and I are younger (21& 23) and are both first time parents. We currently live with roommates but the lease is up soon and will be getting our own place. I'm unemployed and he is working 2 jobs (70 hrs a week) to be able to financially support us. While I appreciate this very much, that's the only kind of support he is providing. We obviously don't talk much through the day- he leaves for work at 6:30 am and doesn't get home until a little after 9 pm. As soon as he gets home he wants to go to bed -understandable. But if I'm feeding (bfing) our LO and I ask him to get me a little something to eat he complains and complains about how tired he is -he complains longer than what it would take for him to just get the food. Also, he is so tired that we don't even hardly talk when he gets home. As for the weekend: he hates sitting at home doing nothing so during the weekend he just wants to be out and go to a friend's or have a friend come here or just go do something. And me and baby go with but I feel like he isn't considering how inconvenient it is for me to be in public all weekend when I have to bf the baby. I feel like he doesn't spend any family time with us and it hurts my feelings. But when I try to communicate like a mature adult couple should, and I try to tell him all of this, he gets mad and says, "Well I'm sorry I work all the time! I get no appreciation for how much I work and its all for you 2!" Or he asks me to quit nagging. Is it just me, or does this seem like a problem? Am I being too sensitive? What can I do for him to understand before it turns into a fight or before I have to have an emotional breakdown for him to know this is a serious issue for me.. ?
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:01 PM
Replies (41-50):
CodJesKai
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Let me tell you my story and maybe help you.

My name is Jessi and I'm 21. My husband's is 23 and we had our first 3 months ago. I'm unemployed and he works 1 job 40 hours a week (not nearly as munch as your bf). My husband is always trying to help by letting me sleep in, doing the dishes, playing with Kailey every second he can, but by the time it's all said and done, he's falling asleep at the drop of a hat all the time. He even feel asleep kissing me once. I can't even imagine how tired your bf must be. I understand it hurts, it hurts me when he falls asleep while I'm talking to him. Him snapping at you is just his maturity level showing and his weekend outtings is probably his way of relieving stress. Just imagine what he'd do if he didn't relieve his stress at all. Just be patient and pray for peace in his mind. He's trying very hard and, despite the fact he throws that in your face, it does show he cares. You're not too sensitive, you're not wrong to be hurt, just be patient and remind yourself a normal man can barely handle one job without complaining.
CodJesKai
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:34 AM
As for family time, my husband and I don't get that much. The most family time I get is grocery shopping. I've tried fixing it, buy so far no luck. Sorry, I'm not much help, but at least you know you're not alone.
katelynsmommy30
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Ah! First, hugs! It's the wonderful world of the difference between men and women. Invest in a good baby carrier (ergo is my favorite, I still nurse my 2 yr old in it) this will enable you to go anywhere while discreetly nursing your LO, and to make food at home. Not saying it's right for him to get upset about you asking for a little help when he comes home, but I do understand he is thinking a lot differently then you. Working parents will not understand what a stay at home parent goes through and vice versa unless they have been there, done that. Just let the little things slide. Ask him to do something you want to do one weekend, before he has a chance to make plans that you may not want to do. I do remember when I had our first child, life was hard, very hard, I was for the first time in my life, not working (was active duty Coast guard) and I was a SAHM and have been for the last 7 years! It's hard! (I was 27 when i jad our first child, so age does not necessarily always have something to do with it) But both sides have it difficult! I couldn't imagine being my husband and getting up at the crack of dawn to work sometimes a 15 hour day, just to come home to two cranky kids and a cranky wife lol! But he does! He even helps with dinner/clean up and baths lol! I'll take any little bit I can get, and to me that is a lot! Your husband sounds like he is doing everything he can to make your life better in the best way he knows how, which is by working his days away. But there always needs to be some compromise, even if he devoted some time every single day (not even a lot of time) just to be with you, talk to you, and bond with your baby. Good luck mama! I've been down some difficult roads! Just hang in there and feel good that he wants to take care of his family! :)
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taniavz
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:14 AM
Hey there to all of you I am 24weeks pragnant and we stil not know if iets a boy or girl
GaleJ
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:32 AM
I will be glad to blame him! He is a partner and parent and he should consider himself lucky to be able to be home on the weekends or any other time with his child and partner. When one becomes a parent one must be willing to accept all the responsibilities that go with it and that includes not just the financial support but the emotional and physical support as well. Yes he's working a lot of hours but mothers, especially breastfeeding ones, who must make themselves available to baby 24/7/365 never get to "punch out" and need and deserve help as well as company.


Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You can't have it both ways, you can't have a man that works that much and still have to come home and do what you should be doing yourself and his idea of down time is not staring at you breastfeeding a baby.  His life consists of work and sleep, so if he wants to be with his friends on the weekend, who can blame him?


GaleJ
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:32 AM
I will be glad to blame him! He is a partner and parent and he should consider himself lucky to be able to be home on the weekends or any other time with his child and partner. When one becomes a parent one must be willing to accept all the responsibilities that go with it and that includes not just the financial support but the emotional and physical support as well. Yes he's working a lot of hours but mothers, especially breastfeeding ones, who must make themselves available to baby 24/7/365 never get to "punch out" and need and deserve help as well as company.


Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You can't have it both ways, you can't have a man that works that much and still have to come home and do what you should be doing yourself and his idea of down time is not staring at you breastfeeding a baby.  His life consists of work and sleep, so if he wants to be with his friends on the weekend, who can blame him?


kyairemom1310
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:42 AM
I'm 21 the hubby is 22 we're both young as well we have 2 children 3yo and 11mo and another one due in Feb. He works and I stay home with kids he works every day sometimes even weekends when needed. I know he is tired when he gets home (we lived in our own place since 18yo) so I let him sleep. He gets up help out and even cook sometimes! He work double shifts from time to time as well. I think he probably is exhausted during the week but I'm sure you are as well. And can at least get you food spend time together on his days off etc. I'll have a talk with him try to get a understanding of whats going on. If he can't listen for a moment or you both come to an agreemente. Then its a problem! Good Luck
BethsB
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 7:17 AM

i agree with this whole heartedly...

one thing you might want to try...

having dinner ready for him when he gets home, and sit and eat together, try and have baby happy or sleeping so the two of you can talk or just enjoy down time. guys are wired different, they dont usually see the "big picture" till they are in their 40's lol  so its the small things that you can do for him, and they he will in turn do for you...

i wish you nothing but happiness, and with a little work on both parts.. you two will be just fine.

Hugs!!!

Quoting happysnappy:

I think you said it in your first sentence sweetie.  You are both younger.  You matured very quickly in the realization that this is no game and it's the real deal.  Although you boyfriend is working hard to support you, you are not getting the emotional support which is equally important.  But I believe that he still has a lot of maturing to do because right now it sounds like he thinks he's doing everything (the 3 jobs) and God forbid you ask him for a sandwhich. (I remember being 23 at one time... ) If you are serious about your relationship, try to understand that his brain is wired differently.  He thinks he's doing the right thing and by you getting upset he feels unappreciated.  I know that's not the truth, but like I said...guys are different and I am speaking from 17 years of experience with my hunny.  I know it hurts sweetie.  And I know it's hard.  But like you said, the two of you are young, but you both can make it work.  <3


witchybabymomma
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:31 AM

 I think it's a little bit on both of you. You both need to be more understanding of the other one being tired and you both need to make more effort to show your appreciation to each other. If he is working that many hours I would say cut him some slack during the week, but I would insist on at least 1 day a month doing something as a family and not just hanging with friends.

jojo_star
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 12:48 PM

You are both young, though really, I hate that excuse, I got married at 18, and I was a mom at 13, and my age didn't hinder me. However. He is working 70 hours a week, and he is responsible  for supporting not just his child, but you as well. That is stressful. You are being sensitive. He's tired. he's working a lot, and men mature a lot younger than women anyway. 

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