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Child Rude to Autistic Daughter

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:09 PM
  • 18 Replies
1 mom liked this
2 days ago I excitedly got ready to take my 7 and half yr old Severely Autistic daughter (who also has CP and Epilepsy) to her first birthday party outside of family. I felt nervous but thought all would be well since we were attending the party of another severely Autistic child. We were at a state park so there was swing and slide and I had bought chalk for her to play with on the sidewalk. There was a mainstream child there that was around 11 and friends with the birthday girls family. When we first arrived she asked about my daughter and was informed by her mother and myself of Michelle's handicap. An hour and a half into the party (after Michelle had shared her chalk with her as well)she walked up to my daughter who was playing by herself at my feet and started calling her weird. She kept saying it over and over and saying there was something wrong with that girl why is she s weird. I'll be honest I was caught completely off guard and told her that Michelle was just perfect the way she was and it was rude for her to make such comments. Yet she continued and would not stop so I collected my daughter, placed her in the car, and as I got into the drivers seat I could see people telling the parents (who were not 3 ft away when all this happened) what had just happened and the mother looked at me and I told her she needed to teacher child manners. Got into my car and cried myself all the way to my heart was broke that that girl could be so cruel to my special little girl who was doing nothing to her. I had tried so hard to keep her out of those situations and I put her right in it. A mutual friend of mine and the parents has tried to get me to talk to them but I cant. Their excuse is she didn't know and I know that is BS. More importantly I have 20+ yr old children and NEVER have they insulted or made fun of a special needs person...I raised them better than that. Am I wrong for refusing to speak to them am I being overly sensitive. I cant even think about it without crying. Of course because of her handicap I don't think Michelle knows or cares what happened....But I do.
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:09 PM
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by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:15 PM
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honey You did the right thing.  it is best (IMHO) to not speak while you're hurt and angry.  You don't want to say anything that you will regret later.  Telling the mother that her child needs to learn manners was fine...because that was just plain rude and you'd think that at 11 years old that they would know better!

So here's a big hug \o/ from me to you <3 give your beautiful girl a kiss and get a good nights sleep.  You'll feel better in the morning <3

by New Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:15 PM
I don't have a special needs child but I'm sure any mother knows the type of pain you are feeling. Nobody likes to see their child hurt or called names whether they are special needs or not. Children at that age are often insensitive and rude sometimes even if you raised them right. I wouldn't let your friendship go over that because I'm sure it won't be last time something like that will happen people in this world are cruel sometimes. I would talk to her and tell her how it made you feel.
by Emerald Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:17 PM
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I would have told the other girl that everyone has weirdness in them and that your daughter is just as she should be since god saw this as her perfect form.    I think you are being very sensitive but as moms we get that way no matter if we have a child with differences or a "typical "child.   The child who called your dd weird probably calls others weird as well if they have a hair cut she doesnt like or clothes that dont fit her style. She kept repeating it to get a rise out of your child which we know most likely did not even know it was going on.  After the 2nd time of her saying it I would have told her to put the chalk down and walk away from us since she can not use nice words.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:22 PM
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you can't keep your daughter from every situation. It will stunt her growth more than her special needs possibly could. If you want her to be treated like a precious thing, and never ever to experience any hurt or sadness, you are doing her a huge disservice. Do I think the other kid should have been chastised for her behavior? Abdolutely. But you handicap your child even more than she already is by not letting her experience things that "normal" people experience every day. I have a cousin who has spinal muscular atrophy, and who can barely even feed herself, but she's the LEAST handicapped person I know, because her parents didn't try to shield her from every hurt and sadness that came her way. They expected her to go out there and live life to the fullest extent possible, and if her feelings were hurt, she was expected to deal with it. (Her handicap is 100% physical, and she has no cognitive or mental deficits) 

The reality is that if your daughter is truly as severely autistic as you say she is, then she probably didn't even register what the other child was saying. I realize that I have not met every child with autism, but the ones I have met are largely unaffected by what others say to them, and if something is said that DOES "get in" and they have a negative reaction to it at all, EVERYONE within earshot of them is going to know exactly how they feel. 

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:27 PM

Sending BIG HUGS your way!!!

We went to a venue and our son played with another male child that was 2 years younger. Our son has Aspergers and mood disorder...

All was going fine during the weekend....... until I went inside to check on my son. He was showing me a demo version on Minecraft, and with that game, you can save your 'virtual world' and can select it again the next time one would like to play.

One of the recorded game's title was, 'I don't like Mike'.

The passive aggressive 6 year old not only did that, but told our kiddo that he was 'weird'. Our son (it's been almost 2 months since the incident) still wants to play with the 6 year old stating that the kid 'Is my friend'.

I'm trying to give my son a life lesson; not every one will be truly nice to you. The other child put on a good facade, but in reality, he was a butt.

My knee jerk reaction was to call the kid out on it in front of his mom... but it was HER venue, HER anniversary party, and HER weekend. Didn't want to mar the festive mood.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Thank you all for you input and Michelle truely didnt get register what had happened...I guess its just me wanting her to experience new things but wanting to shield her from hurtful people and truth be told it broke MY heart to hear another child say that to my precious little girl...and with Michelle being non verbal I just dont know if it bothered her....I just want her to have the most out of life that she can possibly have and I was just so caught off guard...Im almost a loss for words to explain how hurt I was for her

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:17 AM

 Kids tease and bully my daughter, who is almost 10 and has Aseperger's. I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I will take up for my daughter if I am there with her. Sometimes, sadly, it is the parent and child or just the parent who is a problem. Very sad and painful. I try to tell my girl that God loves her and so do we so she knows that no matter what happens, we are here for her. I was teased myself growing up, and won't stand for it with my kids or anyone else.

jigsaw ribbonslideMissMansMommy

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:26 AM

Hmn. I think you may be overly sensitive. You won't always be around to protect your daughter from that kind of thing.  My son is autistic, mild/moderately.  He's non-verbal for the most part but will/can tell you what he wants/needs.  Some kids have said some things like "he's weird" or whatever, hell I've even had adults ask why he's like how he is. I just explain it to them.  If the kids seem to just not understand it, I let it go and don't worry about it.  He can deal with them on his own without my help. He will tell them to stop or "get out of my face" or "leave me alone".  And if he gets too annoyed, he'll just leave the area entirely.

PS: My son just turned 7 in May.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:40 AM
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Are you sure about the 11 yr olds age?  I babysit a 6 yr old that could pass as a 3rd grader.  She has always been tall for her age and her mom said it's hard being out in public because when her dd would do things that you would typically expect of a child of that age, other parents would give her looks because she seems like she should be old enough to know better.  The only reason I'm asking is because the other girls behavior was very immature for an 11 yr old but a younger child who wouldn't understand might ask questions and comment in that way, especially if they don't have a lot of experience being around special needs people.  

If that's not the case, then I would be appalled if the other parents didn't call me and apologize and make their dd do the same.   You do not have to talk with them unless they want to apologize.

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 6:13 PM

So sorry that happened to you.  It's terrible that an 11 year old wouldn't have better manners than that.  If I were you, I would have gone home, too.  I'd give it some time before you talk to the mother (if you want to).  You certainly don't have to if you don't want to.  It's very hard when someone acts like towards your child.  People have excluded my son from activities and it always hurts me, even though he's not aware of it.

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