Birth mom abandoned daughter at 6 months
I am so sorry this is so long. I just need to get some stuff off my chest and I have no one to talk to. I need some advice as well.
My DD Birth Mom left when she was 6 months old. I was already in the picture because they had split up when DD was 3 months old. They fought it out in court over custody. It was approved for joint custody. The woman disappears from the face of earth. She shows up a year later asking to see DD. So my husband said yes because she is the BM. I was upset because i swore she was going to do something stupid. Sure enough she don't bring her back. She was gone 8 months before I came up with the perfect idea to threaten her dad that she was going to go to jail if the baby was not back by the weekend. We did get full custody of the child in this time period because she was in contempt from not following the rules of the joint custody. She finally brings her back and she was almost 3 years old. It was heart breaking for everyone. We had her for a couple of months before the BM even asked to see her again. This time my DH said you have to meat us a a park and we will watch you, you are not taking off with her. She never showed up. We never heard from her for 3 years. Out of the blue she called and asked what size she wore and that she wanted to see her and bring her an outfit. It ended up back in court. The judge has always aloud her to see her no matter the time period she has disappeared. So every-time she asked to see her we aloud her. We actually encouraged her to be in DD life. She would be around for a month and then she would disappear for months like 6-12 months. This last time she was gone for a year and she showed up at our door (never asked). She had a gift for my DD and she was waiting for us to come home so she could catch us before we got in the house. My DD was ecstatic. So anyways we started to talk on FB and she asked to get DD. My husband asked DD if she wanted to go spend the weekend with her (she wont take off with her now because the judge said she will get kidnapping charges on her and be in jail). But she got her for a week. This is mind you after she has not seen her in months. Well she has been home for 3 days now.
Her BM took her out to dinner, bought her a necklace (that matches a ring she wears), and got her nails done. My DD was so excited to tell me. She comes in and she is so happy to tell me all about her time with her BM. This woman sat down with her and showed her pictures of aborted babies.... why? you might ask. Because my DD was sitting next to her when she was on the computer and asked her what that was (a picture of an aborted baby). She shows her in detail and lets her read an article. DD will be 9 years old. My DD said mom (talkign to me) can you believe that if i get pregnant that a dr can scrape a baby out of my belly? I was disgusted. She also had told her not to tell me she showed her that stuff because i would be mad.... i sent the BM a message and asked her what she was thinking?
So my daughter came downstairs today and was crying. She said Mom I don't know what to do. i just miss her sooo much. And it breaks my heart that she feels that way, and this woman does not care. She has not called to check on her (she said she don't have a phone but her brother she lives with does) She does not bother to call! And DD said I just don't know why she don't come see me that much, or even call me.
To be honest it breaks my heart. I try so hard to be a great mother to her and when this woman comes around I am invisible. This woman is gone everyday of the year and then comes for 7 days and it hurts my DD. Like I said this woman has seen her probably a year out of 9 years if you add the days together.
What should I do to explain to my daughter about this woman? I tell her the truth about everything that has happened to her since she was a baby. I even showed her the video of Caitlin and Tyler on teen mom who gave their baby up for adoption. I showed her that some kids don't even get to go with their birth parents. And that she will always have a mom. But i am so confused with how to deal with her pain. She does not show this pain to the BM only to me. I hate to see her upset and I feel like I am useless I know it has to be hard to feel like you BM does not want you. It would be way easier if she stayed away. But that is not possible she waits for a while then she comes around.
Thanks for reading this if you did read it..... and any advice would be great.