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seriously??? I don't know what else to do..

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:42 PM
  • 10 Replies

here is some background info...my son is in the marines, he joined right after high school.  well he finally got stationed in VA and has been there for a  while now.  his four years are actually up, but still works on the base..well anyways while he has been in VA he has meet a girl, my son is almost 24 and this girl is i think 21 or 22..ok.. well they been together for about 8 to 11 months, not sure..but we only meet her once..they go back to VA, and about 1 month they call and said they were pregnant, well i was excited, and happy for them, well they miscarried, and she was going thru a difficult time with it.  well my son was there the whole time trying to get her thru this.  well he decided to pop the question (marriage)  well she was excited, and they started to plan the wedding. but before any of this happened, she was always worried she was going to get hurt and my son would leave her. bc she has been hurt several times..ok..well my son told me he asked her to get married, i was happy for them both..here i thought they would sit and plan a wedding, and get married the folowing year..well no they decided to get married within 4 months after losing the baby.  ok..np..so we go to VA in july for the wedding.  ok..got along good, and just about a month ago, i see a post on FB from my son's wife saying how much can you take before you walk away..never thought anything about it...get a call from my DD, and she asks "is there a reason your Daughter in law changes her name back to her original name"  I said really, so i check, well i seen she was online and asked her if anything was wrong...she said i should ask my son..but did tell me that my son went pyscho on her...well this is hard to beleive, bc my son isn't that type of person, he is quiet and a polite young man..so i asked my son about it, he said it started about a month ago (so back in april or may) she decided that she needed to think about things..ok..well she asked him to move out, so he moved back on base.  then she asked him to move back in..which only lasted a few days, so again he is on base.  he is putting every effort he can to make this marriage work but she isnt...she says he is holding her back from joining the navy, well in my opionion if she wanted to join the navy she should of did this before she got married..now she wants a divorce after only being married for 10 months.  she was afraid of being hurt before but what does she think she is doing to him??  so it looks like my son is going to get a divorce, which he isn't happy about bc he knows a marriage should last, bc this is how he was raised.  i feel so bad for him, and he isn't opening up, and telling me anything.  he has only told me bits and pieces...Is there anything i can do??  i already told him im there to listen.  he has been home since last friday for a week visit, and still no talking about it.  he goes back home sunday!  please give me advice if you can..thanks

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RADmomma
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:47 PM
The only thing you can really do is tell him that you're there for him & offer support.

Try going out for a drive or a walk & ask if he'd like to talk about it.
Brittanyk3
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:54 PM
all you can do is let him know your there if he ever wants to talk....this divorce may be killing him inside but if this is how she is its better she be gone now instead of later when there are kids and cs involved.
terpmama
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Just be there... He may not want to put you in the middle cause he wants it to work and doesn't want you to have hard feelings for her. He knows you're there if he needs you. Also, stop looking at him like that! (You know the look I mean, full of pity and your own heartbreak that he's sad or upset). He doesn't need you're feelings too.

TigerMomLove
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:33 PM

My little brother was married for about the same amount of time and a similar thing happened to him. He's currently going through a divorce.... and just about complete with the process. I'm a chatterbox and find it therapeutic to be an open book about things. So, I found it difficult to believe that he would be so quiet and internalize most of his feelings. One thing that helped a lot was chatting with him via text message or facebook chat. For some reason, he was more open to talking that way. Everyone handles things differently and it must be driving you wild as a mother, but just keep showing that you love him and plant little seeds of encouragement.... and try to believe and trust that he will be okay.

lalalamama
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM
It's hard to see your child going through a tough time, but there's nothing you can do except respect his privacy. His feelings are hurt and raw and picking and prodding by asking questions or complaining about your dil is the last thing he needs right now.
Let him get away from it all for a few days and enjoy his visit home. In time he might tell you more about it.
KellyNips
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:27 AM

your son is the victim of a scam -- these young girls do this all the time to the marines -- they hang out in areas where the marines do and coerse them into marriage (using being pregnant as an excuse) -- she most likely wasn't even pregnant -- they just hook onto these guys so that they can get their military benefits.  i would double check and i bet you will find that she's been married before and "pregnant" before.  tell your son to run as fast as he can away from her -- these girls are nothing but trouble -- next thing on her agenda is to have your son thrown in jail because he beat her and he will then lose his military benefits altogether.  please listen to my words on this.

rocamom
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:10 AM

I think the only thing you can do is help him through it.. She sounds a little off her rocker so he's probably best without her but I can see why he'd be upset.  He should also feel blessed that they didn't have any kids so that he can get a clean break and move forward with his life.

Good luck to him and to you.  Be supportive and just be there to listen and not offer judgement :)

mommy_10
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:20 AM

thanks for the advice...@kellynips, you seriously think this??? my husband said he don't think she was pregnant either...i know she is a medical transport and her dad is  on the firedept in va..but how do you check

momto3boys85
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:38 AM

Was your son there for her when she had the miscarriage, maybe he could get the medical records, or did he see the records? Idk, it could be what the other poster was saying but since she wants to divorce, If I was him, I'd cut my loses and move on and stay clear of her if she does come off as shady, there are plenty of other good women out there for him (when he is ready to move on )who will love him and appreciate him and hopefully not use him for medical benefits or other scams. 

Quoting mommy_10:

here is some background info...my son is in the marines, he joined right after high school.  well he finally got stationed in VA and has been there for a  while now.  his four years are actually up, but still works on the base..well anyways while he has been in VA he has meet a girl, my son is almost 24 and this girl is i think 21 or 22..ok.. well they been together for about 8 to 11 months, not sure..but we only meet her once..they go back to VA, and about 1 month they call and said they were pregnant, well i was excited, and happy for them, well they miscarried, and she was going thru a difficult time with it.  well my son was there the whole time trying to get her thru this.  well he decided to pop the question (marriage)  well she was excited, and they started to plan the wedding. but before any of this happened, she was always worried she was going to get hurt and my son would leave her. bc she has been hurt several times..ok..well my son told me he asked her to get married, i was happy for them both..here i thought they would sit and plan a wedding, and get married the folowing year..well no they decided to get married within 4 months after losing the baby.  ok..np..so we go to VA in july for the wedding.  ok..got along good, and just about a month ago, i see a post on FB from my son's wife saying how much can you take before you walk away..never thought anything about it...get a call from my DD, and she asks "is there a reason your Daughter in law changes her name back to her original name"  I said really, so i check, well i seen she was online and asked her if anything was wrong...she said i should ask my son..but did tell me that my son went pyscho on her...well this is hard to beleive, bc my son isn't that type of person, he is quiet and a polite young man..so i asked my son about it, he said it started about a month ago (so back in april or may) she decided that she needed to think about things..ok..well she asked him to move out, so he moved back on base.  then she asked him to move back in..which only lasted a few days, so again he is on base.  he is putting every effort he can to make this marriage work but she isnt...she says he is holding her back from joining the navy, well in my opionion if she wanted to join the navy she should of did this before she got married..now she wants a divorce after only being married for 10 months.  she was afraid of being hurt before but what does she think she is doing to him??  so it looks like my son is going to get a divorce, which he isn't happy about bc he knows a marriage should last, bc this is how he was raised.  i feel so bad for him, and he isn't opening up, and telling me anything.  he has only told me bits and pieces...Is there anything i can do??  i already told him im there to listen.  he has been home since last friday for a week visit, and still no talking about it.  he goes back home sunday!  please give me advice if you can..thanks


mommy_10
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 8:30 AM

yes, he was there when she had the miscarriage, they were actually staying close and living togehter at the time.  


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