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Im thinking about keeping my son from his father

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:45 PM
  • 49 Replies

 Before making this decision I want to get som unbiased thoughts from people who do not know us so thanks in advance. When my son was born his father took a turn for the worst. He began both selling and doing drugs,partying,and so on. He went to jail on and off up until our son was 5. Finally a judge got tired of the back and forth and locked him away for 7 long years. I met someone and got married during this time. Things have been pretty good. When my ex got out a year ago he began trying to form a relationship with our son and it was okay at first,but when he tried starting something with me behind his girlfriend's back I shut him down and reminded him we are co parents, MAYBE friends,but nothing more. It went downhill from there. His girlfriend began harrassing me accusing me of trying to be with him and yada,yada,yada which leads me to believe he got caught and lied on me. In the meantime he gets mad at our son for not wanting to live with him,visit him,etc. I have told him over and over that he made his bed when he chose drugs over his son. He has to accept that their relationship may never be what he wants it to be. When he gets mad he texts me things like...IF he is really mine" and he has even told our son "Youre a monster and I dont need you I have my other kids to replace you."  Then when he found out I am diabetic he texted our son saying that he hopes I die. All of this just frustrates my husband and makes him want to handle it in ways that I know are outside his character but his back is against the wall and this man is bothering his family KWIM? So at what point do I draw the line and tell my son enough is enough and that he isnt allowed to talk to him anymore? 

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bookoholic
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Even with the situation it is id still leave it up to Ds. Ds's father is a sex offender so no visitation without supervision but until Ds say he doesn't want to be around him I'll put my feelings aside. This is as much advice as I can offer sorry.

basicly leave it up to your Ds.
RADmomma
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:52 PM
Do you have court ordered visitation or anything??

How does ds feel?? Does he want contact or not really?
imuney
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:53 PM
Quoting Bookoholic:

Even with the situation it is id still leave it up to Ds. Ds's father is a sex offender so no visitation without supervision but until Ds say he doesn't want to be around him I'll put my feelings aside. This is as much advice as I can offer sorry.

basicly leave it up to your Ds.
Thanks. That is basically what Ive been doing, and everytime he gets angry at our son for questioning him or not wanting to visit him he says those terrible things to him. I figure when ds is tired of it he will stop going back for more,but in the meantime it really bothers me everytime I have to dry away the tears and explain away the anger he has.
Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:54 PM
2 moms liked this
How old is your son? Not wearing glasses so I may have missed that part. I kicked my sons father out of his life over a year and a half ago but for many more reasons.

However if he is being detrimental to your son's emotional well being than I would say yes. Get him out now before he ruins him. If your son is old enough to tell you he doesn't want him around the yes. Eventually one of two things will likely happen if his father doesn't change. He us either A. Going to morph into him or B. He will become aware of who he never wants to be and be 10 times the man later without him.

This is a hard place to be in. Hugs to you and your wee man momma.
imuney
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:55 PM
Quoting RADmomma:

Do you have court ordered visitation or anything??

How does ds feel?? Does he want contact or not really?
No orders and DS goes back and forth. Like after one of his dads mean spells he wont want to talk to him,but then after a while he will forget what happened and call him again. Then the process starts all over until his dad doesn't get his way again and hurts his feelings.
MissTacoBell
by Taco Bell Princess on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:56 PM
4 moms liked this
You're son is what 12-13? He needs to decide what he wants. Odds are he doesn't think of him as his father at all given he barely ever saw him till recently.

I'd be terrified of leaving my kid near someone who has spent the last 12 years of his life fucking around.
Bookoholic
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:57 PM
I would let him know he doesn't have to go back after he has calmed down and that you love him no matter the decision. Maybe ask him if he wants to take some time to think about by staying with you.


Quoting imuney:

Quoting Bookoholic:

Even with the situation it is id still leave it up to Ds. Ds's father is a sex offender so no visitation without supervision but until Ds say he doesn't want to be around him I'll put my feelings aside. This is as much advice as I can offer sorry.



basicly leave it up to your Ds.



Thanks. That is basically what Ive been doing, and everytime he gets angry at our son for questioning him or not wanting to visit him he says those terrible things to him. I figure when ds is tired of it he will stop going back for more,but in the meantime it really bothers me everytime I have to dry away the tears and explain away the anger he has.

andreamarie
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:57 PM
O usually dont believe in it, but let the sob go.
imuney
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:02 PM

 

Quoting MissTacoBell:

You're son is what 12-13? He needs to decide what he wants. Odds are he doesn't think of him as his father at all given he barely ever saw him till recently.

I'd be terrified of leaving my kid near someone who has spent the last 12 years of his life fucking around.

 I do let him decided and it hardly ever ends well. They have this on and off relationship because they are ok UNTIL my son asks him the hard questions and he gets all offended as if he owes him no explanation. As for what my son thinks I believe the reason he keeps going back for more of the nonsense is because he wants to believe the best about him and it may take him a while to let go of that image. I know he is curious too,just about who this man is and maybe what they have in common.

imuney
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:05 PM
Quoting andreamarie:

O usually dont believe in it, but let the sob go.
Im sorry...??? I don't understand your response.
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