I had a huge fight with my sons father today he thinks he is a wonderful dad when he only sees our son twice a month (his choice) I offer him extra time he very rarely takes it. He also says he pays his cs so because of those two reasons he says he is an awesome dad. I disagree...
What is a good dad to you?
A good dad is involved in his childs every day life. He is supportive and caring. He uses his time to teach his children new things, takes them places and not only tells them that they are loved but shows them how special they are to him.
My DH does all of that.
Oh, but you're talking non-custodial divorced Dad. In that case, a Dad who financially supports his child through CS and follows custody agreements gets brownie points. Ideal? Far from it. But if he were the perfect man you'd still be married.
Let it go.
He cooks healthy meals, helps with school projects, volunteers.
He is also an example of a loving husband. He holds hands with me in the car, at school events, church, wherever. He brings me presents, takes me on dates, he has never been rude to me.
He is an example of good health. He runs marathons, he eats healthy, gets regular dental and doctor appointments.
This is your post too, isn't it?
http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/18687786/So_So_So_sad?highlight=233784181#post233784181
Simply put, thought and consideration make a good parent. Asking questions like "How is this effecting my childs feelings of self worth in the long run?" and having the consience to feel a twinge of guilt when it occurs to you it might be hurtful. Giving money makes a good financial supporter. And of course, a somewhat responsible adult since it's legally required.
But when you look at other non custodial Dads, twice a month plus C/S is pretty good. Maybe back off and he'll start taking more time with him when he can ask for it on his own terms. I think it's hard for those Dads feeling like they are played as the bad guy all the time for not having custody, and even worse if they ask for it.
I think the reality of divorce is that the parents are often having a hard time getting along. And no matter how much love there is for the kids, the relationship between Mother and Father remains explosive. If a divorced couple could have this kind of relationship they may as well be married. I know there are some very good divorces but it takes time and lots of forgiveness on both parts to reach that place.
Quoting NDADanceMom:
My son is on a camping trip with church this week. My husband went with but drove the 5 hours rather than take the bus because he is coming home early so he can go to the doctor with me when we have our anatomy scan ultra sound. He has never missed a dance recital, church play, baseball game, orchestra concert, etc. if a kid is sick he doesn't ask me what to do. He gives meds, makes appointments, brings kids in to a doctor without me having to prompt him.
He cooks healthy meals, helps with school projects, volunteers.
He is also an example of a loving husband. He holds hands with me in the car, at school events, church, wherever. He brings me presents, takes me on dates, he has never been rude to me.
He is an example of good health. He runs marathons, he eats healthy, gets regular dental and doctor appointments.
A real dad does whatever it takes for his kids. If he cant see them all the time at least he keeps in contact with them. He puts them first instead of his friends. And doesnt lie about coming to see them and not showing up to the point you stop telling your kids hes coming because you know he wont show...
Would you still go?
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- AAP1988
on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:22 PM