Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Need advice

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:32 PM
  • 14 Replies

Good evening

 

So my husband and I are both active duty, and we deployed  together once and were in 30 mins away from each other but was never safe to see one another. even though i thought i could be in the same deployment cycle with him it actually created alot of unresolved issues. we completed the deployment and now have a 2 month old, and I have never felt so alone in my life. he has completly changed as a person, dont get me wrong he loves his daughter and would die for her, as would I. But my husband doesnt even see me the same anymore, when i dress up he doesnt notice me. in this year alone he only took me out just twice other then when my mother visited. he gets his uniforms cleaned and pressed by me,  i cook and clean and take care of baby and have a full time job just like him. he started this new hobby on Xbox never played it before untill resently and he could play from the time he gets off to the time he goes to sleep. i cant even remember the last time my husband tried to touch me since i got pregnant. we dont have any money problem. sometimes i wonder if he is cheated and i know i would be gone the next day. I dont know what to do. is it something I'am doing wrong? or I'am be to emotional? i feel like im a wreck but i can never show it in uniform which is what im in 17 hours of the day the rest is with my daughter.

 

pls help im tired and out of options

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
SissyAnn141
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:38 AM

BUMP!

SissyAnn141
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:38 AM

BUMP!

SouthernMama-3
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like your marriage is at a critical point right now and I would suggest marriage counseling, for the sake of your family. I don't think your over reacting at all. The chaplan (sry sp.) I'm sure would be a great option even if your hubby doesn't want to go you should go by yourself so that for your daughters sake you can keep a level head.
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:42 AM

it's possible something happened on the depployment he'd rather not think about so he's tuning everything out... if so ... he needs help though whether he will be open to it... I don't know. or it could be the pregnacy weirded him out. You are not from what you wrote doing anything wrong. like someone else suggested try talking to the chaplain or the military and family life consultants... and try to get your husband to join you. or go by himself if he is more comfortable that way.

cc5112
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:17 AM

I'm sorry you are going through this, especially with  your baby being so little and you still recovering. 

Can it be that your hubby is gong through PTSD? You mentioned it was too dangerous to see each other during deployment. Being as withdrawn as you posted may be a sign of him needing help.

Suggest going to marriage counseling, even if it upsets him. If he refuses go on your own. Also, does the military offer counseling for you and your husband?

lalalamama
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:43 AM
I'd think the cause is his deployment, not you. He may be grappling with PTSD and feel unable to talk about it with you, especially if you came through it fine. There might be an element of shame for him.
I'm a military wife, and this is something we're all too familiar with. Your situation is all the more difficult because you are BOTH serving members.
There is help available on base. Make an appointment with a doctor and find out what kind of counseling would be best. There is help and understanding people out there.
jobberwocky
by Chrissy on Jun. 24, 2013 at 5:58 PM
It could be from the deployment. Everyone reacts to them differently. I would suggest counseling for the both of you as couple.
MandaMom23
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:02 PM

 Have you tried talking to him?  You have been had similar experiences in your military lives being deployed and stuff and you are married so maybe try having an open and honest conversation.  If that isnt working then maybe suggesting counseling is worthwhile.  Best of luck.

elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 7:07 PM

I am so sorry you are going through such a bad time, and I agree with others, probably some sort of PTSD. Counseling would be my advice, too.

RADmomma
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 7:12 PM
I think the ladies above gave great advice! I wish you both luck!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)