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Breaking up with your kids friends parents

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:53 AM
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I joined Cafemom to specifically ask this question. We recently moved away from a neighborhood where we had a neighbor that was a little over whelming. She has two children and although the youngest one isn't a big issue-yet as she is 18 months- the older one who is 4 is a borderline nightmare. We believe it's from their disciplinary side - which they lack. 

Some examples are if her daugher is acting out she says it's because she is hungry, will feed her, and then come out and say ' see it's like she's a whole different person'. No apologies to me or my kids if she was taking toys, hitting or crying because they won't play what she wants to play and no discipline for her.  I've noticed my children will do that too and I will feed them and apologize (or have them apologize) to anyone who was hurt or offended and tell them that the attitude is not acceptable.

Once my 2 year old (at the time) and her 4 year old who was 3 at the time were sitting together on the curb outside and my 2 year olds knees were not facing her so her daughter pushed my daughters knees towards her my daughter just moved her knees back and her daughter had the most ridiculous tempter tantrum I've ever seen.  Her mother just says 'oh she must be tired or hungry or just doesn't understand.

Once my 3 year old came crying to me because her 4 year old hit her. Right away, automatically the mother just says ' I didn't see anything'.. So while I'm trying to calm my 3 year old down my 5 year old says ' so and so hit her'. THEN the mother says ' so and so did you hit her?' and she lies and then admits to hitting her. So the mother just says 'she's confused'..

Those are just some that I can remember. Our parenting styles are way different. I'm tired of her making excuses for her child and not disciplining her to the point that even my daughters don't want to hang out with her kids anymore. We have another neighbor-friend in common that is fed up with it as well. We moved which has helped.. we don't fear going outside and running into them asking for them to play, we don't have to ignore the knocks on the door or the constant door bell ringing because she doesn't tell her daughter not to approach our door once we've already said no we're not playing outside right now. But we're still getting text messages (which she sends to both my husband and I since we both have opposite schedules she's hoping to reach one of us) however we don't respond and haven't responded for the past month and she doesn't seem to get it.  

So distancing ourselves doesn't seem to work - or ignoring her texts she doesn't get the hint. We obviously have to tell her but we're not sure how.. 

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:53 AM
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by Emerald Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:09 AM
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Tell her honestly that since you have moved, there is no longer time to hang out with her and the family.  The behavior her children exhibit is unacceptable for you to bear witness to.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:11 AM
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Be honest, just tell her that your kid's behavior makes it impossible for us to be around each other.

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by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:13 AM
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Has anyone out there ever been on the receiving side of this? Wondering their thoughts as well. 

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:59 AM
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I would just try to be honest. Tell her you feel it best not to continue the friendship. If you can't be honest, then block her number.

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:40 AM
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 We had a 'friend' like that too. No discipline and no accountability for their childs actions. We didn't move, nor did they. I simply explained to them that their child hitting/picking on my child while they played was not acceptable to me, especially as no consequences for their child resulted from his actions. Until he could learn to control himself I thought it would be best if they didn't play together anymore. She would continue to call for play dates for a couple of weeks. I continually told her that the offer was appreciated but that it wasn't a good idea. She gave up after a while and stopped calling. It is unfortunate because they are genuinely nice people, but they do not discipline their child when he acts out and that is unacceptable to me when my child was the target.

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by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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I would just block her number.

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by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:45 PM
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I've had to do this. I simply said that it wasn't fair to my child to be treated that way and until get child could control themselves better we needed to take a break.
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by Sapphire Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Hi there,
Do agree  with the others,
You're going to have to be honest with her.
Good luck & let us know how that goes ;)

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 8:34 PM
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I am too much of a wimp to be honest with her, but if you can, you would probably be doing her a favor; if she hears it from enough people, maybe she will re evaluate her parenting style.

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:04 PM
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Personally I would want to know why you were breaking up with me. I have found that I am the exception, not the rule.
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