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Help with teenager

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 1:31 PM
  • 9 Replies
Ok so first some background about me. I'm a single mom with a 15 yr old dd and 11 yo SN ds. I was in an abusive marriage for 13 yrs with their dad and only found the courage to leave him when he became mentally abusive towards the kids. I work a crappy low paying job that I really hate cuz it's convenient and allows me to spend more time with my kids. The only PA I get is federal health ins for my disable son. My ex helps me a LOT financially and is welcome any time to see or pick up his kids. My dd is generally a VERY good kid. She is a straight A student in all honors classes, helpful around the house, does volunteer work, and doesn't hang out in the streets. In fact she rarely goes out and doesn't socialize much cuz she is so focused on school. She also recently was chosen for a full 3 yr scholarship to Princeton university for a college prep program. My problem is this-I've always thought dd and I get along great. We never really argue or fight, we work well together, we talk a lot, she tells me pretty much everything, and I haven't had to punish or ground her since she was six. I give her a ride to and from school whenever my work schedule permits and sometimes I will also give friends a ride. I'm a very laid back parent as I feel that the kids had way too much rules and structure when their dad was here. So I generally will talk to dd and their friends as semi grown ups and all of her friends say ur mom is so cool and I wish my mom was like that. All my sisters kids are always here cuz they prefer my parenting style to my sister and BIL. The other day I was on twitter and I happened to look at my daughters page (I wasn't snooping really, ok maybe I was a little) and I found that literally every post she made was something derogoratory towards me. Ex: my mom is mean, my mom is so embarrassing, my mom doesn't understand me, etc. so then I said something to her and we had a huge fight about it. I feel like my feelings are hurt and I make so many sacrifices for her it's not even funny and then she posts it for the whole world to see. And she feels like I should never have snooped on her twitter but its not like it was her private diary or anything. It's TWITTER for Pete's sake where anyone can see. Both of us are now having trouble getting past this issue. Any advice from other moms esp. of teens?
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 1:31 PM
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Replies (1-9):
mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Ahhhhh the wonderful world of fickle teen girls/boys.....Lovely....NOT!  

i think some teen girls/boys just go through some mental play with Mom,My DD's did that. I would think we had a awesome relationship, then whatever would happen and the next thing i knew, I was mean we never talked and They were miserable blah blah blah...I was always blind sided and would say "OMG Really?..Do we even live in the same house or planet"? I mean to my knowledge things were great but whatever went wrong went totally wrong for her without my knowledge.  I think it's just a hormone change and just causes things to build into something that just wasn't real in reality but real for them.   Like for instance me asking in mild manner voice (Me... "Hey Amber could you empty the dish washer so i can load it please." then it was like(Her.. "OMG Mom seriously do you have to yell I'm like right here.  And i did it last why do i have to do it again? Can't curtis he never does anything EVER!" 

(Me...Well he did other things to help out so i would appreciate your help now sweetie. (Her...Mad glare (Me...  Look just get it done then it's done and it's over,Then your evening is all yours....*sigh*   (Her...you must really hate me to do this to me.  You treat everyone else better i bet you even love them more HUH Mom! (with a very aggravated tone and disrespect)......The rest of the night she spent in her room just being Mad and pretty much hating me and her life.

(Next Day)  was like the night before never happened...And that to me is teens now days either Boy or Girl.    I find it to be a phase.  Just always know that no matter how wonderful you see your relationship with your teen, they see it WAY diff. you're the Monster and they're the victim...That's my best explanation for Teens and their Jekyll/Hyde Mindset where we the Parents are concerned......Hang in there it will get better  :0)

                         


mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Oh and if she's gonna talk about you via twitter/FB ect. take her privilages away as that's stepping over serious boundries to me....Good Luck Momma !

                         


LuLuRex
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 4:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't have a teenager yet, but I agree with this. It's really disrespectful for her to blast you via social media,


Quoting mom_dl6:

Oh and if she's gonna talk about you via twitter/FB ect. take her privilages away as that's stepping over serious boundries to me....Good Luck Momma !



LancesMom
by Ruby Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 7:52 PM


It's time to take her privledges away. If you let her continue it will only get worse.

NDADanceMom
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:05 PM
I would restrict her access to social media until she learns what is ok to air on public and what isn't. Even if all that was true there are better ways to handle it.
I'd ask her if there are things she needs to talk about with a therapist or you and when she is more mature or no longer under your roof she can have twitter back.
Lovemyshadows
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 9:21 PM

You should have never said anything to her.  You have just become enemy # 1.  Teens have a life at home and a life at school.  I know and there was no social media back then that I was the worst parent ever.  Restricting her or taking away her phone won't change anything except to make it worse.  Relax momma, she needs you now more than ever, just don't tell her.

RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 9:45 PM

gosh. this is giving me flashbacks. what a challenge.

hugs.

hang in there


Jabojoe
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 2:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Well I believe you are half right. The mistake I made was actually reading the twitter page. There was no way I wasn't saying anything after that. Also dd was away on a 2 day leadership camp out with the other Princeton scholars and when I went to pick her up on campus we had a very long talk. I explained to her that what she did was hurtful and why and how it is inappropriate to put those things on social media. She apologized profusely and we talked about the stresses she has been feeling due to not having a great relationship with dad and no friends and serious academic pressure. It was a good chat. Think I will let this one slide for now. As long as it doesn't happen again.


Quoting Lovemyshadows:

You should have never said anything to her.  You have just become enemy # 1.  Teens have a life at home and a life at school.  I know and there was no social media back then that I was the worst parent ever.  Restricting her or taking away her phone won't change anything except to make it worse.  Relax momma, she needs you now more than ever, just don't tell her.


SissyAnn141
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 2:51 AM

 

Quoting LancesMom:


It's time to take her privledges away. If you let her continue it will only get worse.

                        I AGREE ...............

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