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Is this rude, or is it just me? EDITED TO ADD #3

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I stopped at the grocery store this morning with my 9 month old daughter to pick up a loaf of bread.  I got in the check out line behind two people.  The lady right in front of me had a cart load of groceries.  So I stood there in line, holding my daughter and a loaf of bread waiting for my turn.

I thought it was inconsiderate to not offer to let me ahead of her.  If I find myself in a similar situation I always offer, even if I have my kids and the person behind me is alone.  To me, it's just common courtesy.

FYI. There was only 1 line open, no express line.  She absolutely knew I was there because she had to go around me to grab a magazine from the rack behind me.

ETA.  Wow.  I really didn't expect that I would be in the minority on this one.  I thought that letting someone ahead of you in line was just common courtesy, like holding the door for the person behind you.  

I'm really surprised that some of you think I was rude by expecting to be allowed to go ahead.  First of all, I didn't actually "expect" it (I've learned a long time ago that expecting people to be considerate and polite is a waste of time), I just thought it was inconsiderate. Secondly, even if I did expect it, I don't see how that would be rude.  I mean, expecting people to be kind and considerate of others is rude?  Hmmmm.  Perhaps if I had said something to her, that would have been rude, but I simply waited patiently in line with my daughter.

I do get that her time is just as important as mine, but honestly what is 30 seconds to anyone?

And, for further clarification I am not a spoiled, entitled brat.  I'm just someone who was raised to go out of my way to help others and am sometimes surprised that not everyone was taught common courtesy.

ETA #2.

Well apparently I am in the minority on this one.  I honestly thought this was a common act of courtesy.  I do it all of the time and others have done it for me. 

You can continue to believe that I am a spoiled, entitled brat.  But just remember, the next time you are stuck in traffic, trying to merge and someone lets you in it might be me.  Or if you are running through a downpour towards the bank, and someone waits an extra 5 seconds to hold the door for you, it might be me.

ETA #3.

Well, I'm glad to see I have a couple of supporters out there.  I guess we just look at the world a little differently that the majority of people.  

To those who resorted to name calling (you know who you are), all I have to say is "how rude!"




by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:39 AM
Replies (61-70):
LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:31 PM

Well, I certainly didn't expect that response.  After all, it's not as if I went off on the woman in the middle of grocery store and called her a selfish pig.  If thinking that we should all treat each other a little better and take notice of those around us is rude... well, so be it.

I'll just have to remember to not let you in line. :)

Quoting mommybug77:

I find you to be rude personally.


LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:32 PM

It's a small town grocery store.  There isn't a customer service counter, otherwise I would have.  

Quoting amylulu1:

I don't think she was rude--just not very courteous.  I would have taken my loaf of bread to the customer service counter and asked them to check me out since there were no other lanes open.  I let people in front of me all the time as well, but I don't expect everyone else to offer the same courtesy.  


LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:35 PM

You make some very valid points.  I suppose in a way I am expecting people to do things the way that I would do them, and that is unfair.

That being said, I guess I just assumed that letting someone in line ahead of you was common courtesy because I've always done it, and others have done it for me when the situation was reversed.  In fact, a lot of the things you mentioned as being "above and beyond acts of kindness" would be simple courtesy in my mind (taking someone else's cart to the corral for them, getting an out of reach item for someone, etc.).  

I guess it's all subjective, or maybe it's just a Canadian thing.

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

 No, it's not really a "standard, expected" thing.  Saying please and thank you are universal.  Holding the door for the person behind you is universal. 

What you're talking about isn't really "universal".  It's an above and beyond act of kindness.  It's a good one.  It's something that I do as often as I can.  But it's not a standard, universal thing.  There are a million and one random acts of kindness that a person can offer up.  One person might take someone else's cart back to the cart corral for them.  Another person could take pity on my short self and get items from the top shelf for me in a store. Another person might pay for a needy looking family's groceries.  Someone else might be giving their neighbor a ride to the store or picking up groceries for the senior citizen who lives down the street.  All of those are great, wonderful things to do.  Your version of  "an extra little act of kindness" just happens to be letting people go in front of you at the checkout if they only have one thing.  That's something that you tune in to and make a point to do.  But somebody else may tune in to something different that you've never even thought to notice (like me trying to get the can off the top shelf or the old lady in the parking lot who could use a hand loading her groceries and returning her cart). 

Don't place your chosen "little act of kindness" on a higher level than other people's just because it's the one that YOU notice or think of.  For all you know, the lady in front of you could have been making a grocery run for a shut-in neighbor.   Imagine how you would feel if people called you rude because you don't happen to do "their thing" . . . the thing that they tune in to and try to take care of.  It's kind of like being active volunteer and donor with the cancer society and the arthritis association (because they hold personal meaning to you) but then having someone from the diabetes foundation tell you you're rude and inconsiderate because you don't give to them.


Quoting LDavis33:

I just always thought that this action was simple common courtesy, much like holding a door for someone or saying "please" and "thank you".  That is just how I was raised.  I have gathered from the responses to my post that the majority of people just don't see it the same way.  I guess it is what it is.  Some people will try to help out others and some won't.  Just the way of the world I guess.

Quoting coupon_ash_back:

How is it common courtesy? If I'm next I'm next. I don't look at whose behind me to see how much or little they have. All I care about is watching my kids.





HisAngel91
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:36 PM
I was raised the same way, but i dont think it was rude of her. I have given my spot up before.
amylulu1
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:37 PM

Ah!  Well, I understand what you're saying, I probably would have been disappointed as well.  It's funny- I work in a grocery store PT and I have actually asked people if they minded if I ring someone up with one item in front of them.  I have never had anyone say no or act put out about it- just the opposite- they are happy to help!

Quoting LDavis33:

It's a small town grocery store.  There isn't a customer service counter, otherwise I would have.  

Quoting amylulu1:

I don't think she was rude--just not very courteous.  I would have taken my loaf of bread to the customer service counter and asked them to check me out since there were no other lanes open.  I let people in front of me all the time as well, but I don't expect everyone else to offer the same courtesy.  



LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:44 PM

I was actually kind of surprised by the fact that the other girl working the front didn't open an extra till when she saw there was a bit of a line.  She usually does.  Must've been busy with other things. 

Quoting amylulu1:

Ah!  Well, I understand what you're saying, I probably would have been disappointed as well.  It's funny- I work in a grocery store PT and I have actually asked people if they minded if I ring someone up with one item in front of them.  I have never had anyone say no or act put out about it- just the opposite- they are happy to help!

Quoting LDavis33:

It's a small town grocery store.  There isn't a customer service counter, otherwise I would have.  

Quoting amylulu1:

I don't think she was rude--just not very courteous.  I would have taken my loaf of bread to the customer service counter and asked them to check me out since there were no other lanes open.  I let people in front of me all the time as well, but I don't expect everyone else to offer the same courtesy.  




goldilocksbecky
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 But do you do every single one, every single time?  Honeslty, do you go through the store looking for every single opportunity to reach something for someone, return their cart, etc . . . on every single trip, at every opportunity that it arises?  So, if you happen to miss an opportunity that you could have done something kind for someone and didn't, do you deserve to be called rude for it?  Because that's exactly what you did to this lady. 

You don't know what she may or may not have done an hour later or on a different day.  What was on her mind at the moment (possibly a terminally ill parent or the fact that she needed to get by and pay a bill before the office closed).  You don't know her, her heart, her story, how she would "usually" act in that situation . . . and yet, you just decided to label her "rude".

I'm old.  I'm "old school".  And I was raised in the South.  We are big on manners, doing things for others, etc.  But you shouldn't be so harsh and quick to judge her on the one thing she missed, that you thought she should have done, when you don't know the sum of her character.  That could have been the only opportunity for kindness that she "missed" all month. 

 

Quoting LDavis33:

You make some very valid points.  I suppose in a way I am expecting people to do things the way that I would do them, and that is unfair.

That being said, I guess I just assumed that letting someone in line ahead of you was common courtesy because I've always done it, and others have done it for me when the situation was reversed.  In fact, a lot of the things you mentioned as being "above and beyond acts of kindness" would be simple courtesy in my mind (taking someone else's cart to the corral for them, getting an out of reach item for someone, etc.).  

I guess it's all subjective, or maybe it's just a Canadian thing.

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

 No, it's not really a "standard, expected" thing.  Saying please and thank you are universal.  Holding the door for the person behind you is universal. 

What you're talking about isn't really "universal".  It's an above and beyond act of kindness.  It's a good one.  It's something that I do as often as I can.  But it's not a standard, universal thing.  There are a million and one random acts of kindness that a person can offer up.  One person might take someone else's cart back to the cart corral for them.  Another person could take pity on my short self and get items from the top shelf for me in a store. Another person might pay for a needy looking family's groceries.  Someone else might be giving their neighbor a ride to the store or picking up groceries for the senior citizen who lives down the street.  All of those are great, wonderful things to do.  Your version of  "an extra little act of kindness" just happens to be letting people go in front of you at the checkout if they only have one thing.  That's something that you tune in to and make a point to do.  But somebody else may tune in to something different that you've never even thought to notice (like me trying to get the can off the top shelf or the old lady in the parking lot who could use a hand loading her groceries and returning her cart). 

Don't place your chosen "little act of kindness" on a higher level than other people's just because it's the one that YOU notice or think of.  For all you know, the lady in front of you could have been making a grocery run for a shut-in neighbor.   Imagine how you would feel if people called you rude because you don't happen to do "their thing" . . . the thing that they tune in to and try to take care of.  It's kind of like being active volunteer and donor with the cancer society and the arthritis association (because they hold personal meaning to you) but then having someone from the diabetes foundation tell you you're rude and inconsiderate because you don't give to them.

 

Quoting LDavis33:

I just always thought that this action was simple common courtesy, much like holding a door for someone or saying "please" and "thank you".  That is just how I was raised.  I have gathered from the responses to my post that the majority of people just don't see it the same way.  I guess it is what it is.  Some people will try to help out others and some won't.  Just the way of the world I guess.

Quoting coupon_ash_back:

How is it common courtesy? If I'm next I'm next. I don't look at whose behind me to see how much or little they have. All I care about is watching my kids.


 

 


 

 

LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:56 PM

No, I don't do it every time, that would be impossible.  You are absolutely right.  Perhaps she was deep in thought and didn't see me, perhaps she was in a hurry.  

However, I didn't judge her as a rude person, or a bad person, or as any type of person.  And I didn't label her. I was simply looking at this one action, not at her as a person.  She could be a wonderful, giving, caring person who does all kinds of charitable work.  

The purpose of this post was to see if people would think that not offering to allow a person to go ahead in line in this particular situation was inconsiderate.  It wasn't about judging, labelling or bashing this woman. 


Quoting goldilocksbecky:

 But do you do every single one, every single time?  Honeslty, do you go through the store looking for every single opportunity to reach something for someone, return their cart, etc . . . on every single trip, at every opportunity that it arises?  So, if you happen to miss an opportunity that you could have done something kind for someone and didn't, do you deserve to be called rude for it?  Because that's exactly what you did to this lady. 

You don't know what she may or may not have done an hour later or on a different day.  What was on her mind at the moment (possibly a terminally ill parent or the fact that she needed to get by and pay a bill before the office closed).  You don't know her, her heart, her story, how she would "usually" act in that situation . . . and yet, you just decided to label her "rude".

I'm old.  I'm "old school".  And I was raised in the South.  We are big on manners, doing things for others, etc.  But you shouldn't be so harsh and quick to judge her on the one thing she missed, that you thought she should have done, when you don't know the sum of her character.  That could have been the only opportunity for kindness that she "missed" all month. 


Quoting LDavis33:

You make some very valid points.  I suppose in a way I am expecting people to do things the way that I would do them, and that is unfair.

That being said, I guess I just assumed that letting someone in line ahead of you was common courtesy because I've always done it, and others have done it for me when the situation was reversed.  In fact, a lot of the things you mentioned as being "above and beyond acts of kindness" would be simple courtesy in my mind (taking someone else's cart to the corral for them, getting an out of reach item for someone, etc.).  

I guess it's all subjective, or maybe it's just a Canadian thing.

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

 No, it's not really a "standard, expected" thing.  Saying please and thank you are universal.  Holding the door for the person behind you is universal. 

What you're talking about isn't really "universal".  It's an above and beyond act of kindness.  It's a good one.  It's something that I do as often as I can.  But it's not a standard, universal thing.  There are a million and one random acts of kindness that a person can offer up.  One person might take someone else's cart back to the cart corral for them.  Another person could take pity on my short self and get items from the top shelf for me in a store. Another person might pay for a needy looking family's groceries.  Someone else might be giving their neighbor a ride to the store or picking up groceries for the senior citizen who lives down the street.  All of those are great, wonderful things to do.  Your version of  "an extra little act of kindness" just happens to be letting people go in front of you at the checkout if they only have one thing.  That's something that you tune in to and make a point to do.  But somebody else may tune in to something different that you've never even thought to notice (like me trying to get the can off the top shelf or the old lady in the parking lot who could use a hand loading her groceries and returning her cart). 

Don't place your chosen "little act of kindness" on a higher level than other people's just because it's the one that YOU notice or think of.  For all you know, the lady in front of you could have been making a grocery run for a shut-in neighbor.   Imagine how you would feel if people called you rude because you don't happen to do "their thing" . . . the thing that they tune in to and try to take care of.  It's kind of like being active volunteer and donor with the cancer society and the arthritis association (because they hold personal meaning to you) but then having someone from the diabetes foundation tell you you're rude and inconsiderate because you don't give to them.


Quoting LDavis33:

I just always thought that this action was simple common courtesy, much like holding a door for someone or saying "please" and "thank you".  That is just how I was raised.  I have gathered from the responses to my post that the majority of people just don't see it the same way.  I guess it is what it is.  Some people will try to help out others and some won't.  Just the way of the world I guess.

Quoting coupon_ash_back:

How is it common courtesy? If I'm next I'm next. I don't look at whose behind me to see how much or little they have. All I care about is watching my kids.








goldilocksbecky
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:57 PM

I will also add that while her not letting you in front of her may very well have been an unintentional oversight . . . your quick judgement and harsh words about her are intentional.  This might be an example of worrying about the proverbial "speck in your neighbor's eye".

LDavis33
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:02 PM

What harsh words?  What judgement?  I didn't judge or label her.  I simply observed her actions and wondered if people felt that not offering someone to go ahead of them under these circumstances was impolite.  

Again, I didn't call her any names, mutter under my breathe, or make any judgement on her character in it's entirety.  I made an observation and commented on it. 

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

I will also add that while her not letting you in front of her may very well have been an unintentional oversight . . . your quick judgement and harsh words about her are intentional.  This might be an example of worrying about the proverbial "speck in your neighbor's eye".


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