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How would you handle this?? Do you think I am wrong??? piog

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My 9 year old dd is in love with Bruno Mars and because he is a different race than us, my husband is not happy...he actually teases my dd about this and says not nice things to her..it really came as a shock to me because my husband works with and is friends with more people that are different races than us ..than are the same race as us...hope I said that right...

so I told my daughter that it is perfectly fine that she likes him...and I feel bad for going against my dh...

Am I over reacting?? Interracial marriage is not accepted in my family..at all..even though I see nothing wrong with it and I think interracial babies are gorgeous...and I believe that God created all people to be equal...

I mean she is only 9...and my 13 yr old is obsessed with Justin Bieber, and 1D and such...but I dont want my kids to grow up feeling that they don't have a choice...so what would you do???

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 6:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
wadelgal
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:50 PM
I wouldn't have gone against him in front of the kids but I would have definitely told him that I don't want that attitude in my/our home and ask him to undo what he said to the daughter. Going against your partner in front of your kids can cause problems and teach them to put parent against parent. It can also give her the impression you think her dad is bad and that's never a good thing for a young child that's why I suggest having him go back and correct the situation. Totally agree with your feeling on the topic though!
wadelgal
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:51 PM
I wouldn't have gone against him in front of the kids but I would have definitely told him that I don't want that attitude in my/our home and ask him to undo what he said to the daughter. Going against your partner in front of your kids can cause problems and teach them to put parent against parent. It can also give her the impression you think her dad is bad and that's never a good thing for a young child that's why I suggest having him go back and correct the situation. Totally agree with your feeling on the topic though!
blue123244
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:56 PM

I would not be married to a racist first of all - now you need to talk to your hubby - imho you are the more enlightened one in your family but you need to stand up for what you believe

threenorns
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:34 PM
2 moms liked this

rock and a hard place.  i've been there, too, on different issues (gay marriage, actually).

i don't "go against" her father.

i tell her "your father doesn't like it when two men get married.  that's his opinion and he's entitled to have it.  i don't think there's anything wrong with any two people getting married and having a good life together and making each other happy."

my daughter isn't stupid - she knows how to use her mind.

in your situation, i would say "your father has an opinion about people who don't look like us.  i don't share that opinion - i think bruno mars is a fine singer [assuming you do, of course, otherwise you could say "i know a lot of people enjoy bruno's music"]."

your daughter has a mind - she'll figure it out herself. 

neeka07
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:02 PM
I am a beautiful bi racial baby who grew up being called horrible names..like a mutt, Heinz 57, Oreo etc I think its ridiculous to tease a child A: about a crush but B: more importantly about the race of the person they like..we are all equal.. never teach hatred to your children especially at such a young age!! I would tell your child to love and crush one whomever they choose that it's their choice that you are proud of them and have their back no matter what. As far as your husband express that you don't want your child to grow up with the thought that they can't love who ever they want! It's their choice he will have to live with it...if he presses the issue he could lose his child in the long run!!! And to grow a fricking heart!!!
mztara82
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:05 PM

I dont think that your little girl liking Justin B. is wrong. I have 2 mixed boys and my daughter is white. Shes in love with JB and Usher. Your husband just needs to let her be a child in love with a pop singer and just explain to her when shes a little older ya belief. As a child she will want to please her parents and not go against what you believe. Im married to a black man and it was hard at first for my parents as to interracial wasnt really a choice but over time they have to come to terms and accepted my husband. And yes I agree GOD did create everyone EQUALLY.

Pnukey
by Jennifer on Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Nut punch to the dh. Seriously.

kat1116
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:22 PM

I'd have more of an issue with one of my kids like Bieber. He's much more of a poor role model and would never want my kid to date a guy that acts like him and he's white. If that how your dh's thinking goes. I think you did ok. My dh and I have different ideas about certain things. I just make sure our kids know both our points of view. He doesn't dictate how I think yet our kids know we are a united front. Sorry I'm not explaining it very well.

onethentwins
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:47 PM

I'd tell my husband to STFU. 

I wonder what he'd do/say if she really did end up in love with and wanting to marry out of her race. 

Edit. you know thinking more about this, if your DH teases his daughter about her likes and dislikes, she's just going to stop telling him stuff and keep stuff to herself. He's an idiot and not a great parent. 

MsPinetree
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:06 PM

I think I would talk to him about this, that it is not okay that he tries to instill racist beliefs into your daughter and if he does not agree to stop then I would stic up for your daughter when it comes up next time.. I would tsraight up say "that is ridiculous, only ignorant people make rules about who people are allowed to like or love" I think it is an important enough matter that it is okay to be vocal about it, even if it shows you two to be divided on teh issue.  if he is goingto be so vocal and absurd then it is something that needs to be debated openly.

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