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How would you handle this?? Do you think I am wrong??? piog

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My 9 year old dd is in love with Bruno Mars and because he is a different race than us, my husband is not happy...he actually teases my dd about this and says not nice things to her..it really came as a shock to me because my husband works with and is friends with more people that are different races than us ..than are the same race as us...hope I said that right...

so I told my daughter that it is perfectly fine that she likes him...and I feel bad for going against my dh...

Am I over reacting?? Interracial marriage is not accepted in my family..at all..even though I see nothing wrong with it and I think interracial babies are gorgeous...and I believe that God created all people to be equal...

I mean she is only 9...and my 13 yr old is obsessed with Justin Bieber, and 1D and such...but I dont want my kids to grow up feeling that they don't have a choice...so what would you do???

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 6:58 PM
Replies (31-40):
MrsKaufold1990
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 6:38 PM

who cares if it's not accepted. 

that is what is wrong with this damn country. 

why does it matter what race he is?

GaleJ
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 6:50 PM

To countenance such bigotry for the sake of family unity and to preserve the idea of "a unified message" is just plain WRONG, and to do it in this situation multiplies the wrongness. This child is being given a very negative and wrong message and the way in which the husband is giving that message can hurt her sense of self as well as presenting her with the idea that such bigotry is acceptable. 

Our children will live in a much more diverse world, a world in which people will be of different races and cultures, religions and spiritual beliefs, and gender identity. It will be important for our children to be able to accept those people for who they are and not how they look and not judge them superficially. They will be at a great disadvantage if they are taught to dislike or hate people who are different from themselves and that is, ultimately, what the message is when biracial marriage is considered wrong just because it is biracial. 


Quoting NDADanceMom:

I would talk privately with my husband and hope that he would approach our daughter. I would expect that he explain why he is uncomfortable in a mature manner. I would hope that as a family we can have a unified message. I think its ok to be uncomfortable but its important to be able to articulate those reasons and hopefully come to an understanding of acceptance and love even when we don't agree.
No matter what the issue i don't side against my husband publicly. I respect his choices and ability to be reasoned with.



NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:39 PM
Wow. Learn to read. I would expect my husband look within himself and put to words why he feels a particular way. That doesn't mean i condone racism. For the record my husband is not racist at all. I wouldn't marry a racist to begin with. My point is my husband and i are united in public, privately i tell him or he tells me when we disagree.
I would never ever ever tell my children that they don't need to listen to their dad. What i do instead is have a talk with him and we build a unified message. It would be his responsibility to tell the kids he was incorrect.
That said we share the same values. I have never had to talk to him about anything other than not agreeing about computer time, dating ages, etc. if he makes a rule i don't agree with it would be up to him to tell the kids the rule is changed and why. I don't announce that dad is wrong.


Quoting GaleJ:

To countenance such bigotry for the sake of family unity and to preserve the idea of "a unified message" is just plain WRONG, and to do it in this situation multiplies the wrongness. This child is being given a very negative and wrong message and the way in which the husband is giving that message can hurt her sense of self as well as presenting her with the idea that such bigotry is acceptable. 

Our children will live in a much more diverse world, a world in which people will be of different races and cultures, religions and spiritual beliefs, and gender identity. It will be important for our children to be able to accept those people for who they are and not how they look and not judge them superficially. They will be at a great disadvantage if they are taught to dislike or hate people who are different from themselves and that is, ultimately, what the message is when biracial marriage is considered wrong just because it is biracial. 



Quoting NDADanceMom:

I would talk privately with my husband and hope that he would approach our daughter. I would expect that he explain why he is uncomfortable in a mature manner. I would hope that as a family we can have a unified message. I think its ok to be uncomfortable but its important to be able to articulate those reasons and hopefully come to an understanding of acceptance and love even when we don't agree.

No matter what the issue i don't side against my husband publicly. I respect his choices and ability to be reasoned with.




GaleJ
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:33 PM

I read correctly I just don't agree...AT ALL. I've never understood that idea, that somehow because you're a parent you're omnipotent. As parents we are human, no more no less and as such there are times when we will be wrong...even times when we will be stunningly, amazingly wrong. We never tried to cover that up with our son. We always believed that to admit our humanness was to teach that the strength of ourselves as humans was that we could be wrong but could learn. To put forth this unified front is, in my opinion, hypocritical and rather silly since our children usually are quickly able to see through such a front. 


Quoting NDADanceMom:

Wow. Learn to read. I would expect my husband look within himself and put to words why he feels a particular way. That doesn't mean i condone racism. For the record my husband is not racist at all. I wouldn't marry a racist to begin with. My point is my husband and i are united in public, privately i tell him or he tells me when we disagree.
I would never ever ever tell my children that they don't need to listen to their dad. What i do instead is have a talk with him and we build a unified message. It would be his responsibility to tell the kids he was incorrect.
That said we share the same values. I have never had to talk to him about anything other than not agreeing about computer time, dating ages, etc. if he makes a rule i don't agree with it would be up to him to tell the kids the rule is changed and why. I don't announce that dad is wrong.


Quoting GaleJ:

To countenance such bigotry for the sake of family unity and to preserve the idea of "a unified message" is just plain WRONG, and to do it in this situation multiplies the wrongness. This child is being given a very negative and wrong message and the way in which the husband is giving that message can hurt her sense of self as well as presenting her with the idea that such bigotry is acceptable. 

Our children will live in a much more diverse world, a world in which people will be of different races and cultures, religions and spiritual beliefs, and gender identity. It will be important for our children to be able to accept those people for who they are and not how they look and not judge them superficially. They will be at a great disadvantage if they are taught to dislike or hate people who are different from themselves and that is, ultimately, what the message is when biracial marriage is considered wrong just because it is biracial. 



Quoting NDADanceMom:

I would talk privately with my husband and hope that he would approach our daughter. I would expect that he explain why he is uncomfortable in a mature manner. I would hope that as a family we can have a unified message. I think its ok to be uncomfortable but its important to be able to articulate those reasons and hopefully come to an understanding of acceptance and love even when we don't agree.

No matter what the issue i don't side against my husband publicly. I respect his choices and ability to be reasoned with.






busymomma75
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:42 PM

 Reminds me of my ex a lil. I talked to my kids openly about race, bi-sexual, gays etc. Cause if he feels that way about race I am sure he feels the same about other things!! I told my kids we are all human, we are all people we all have feelings and we are all the same despite skin color and sexual choices. My son brought up lesbians and gays and I openly told him that it is their life and they are happy so be it, don't judge them etc etc...

I would have gone against him as well but also talk to him and tell him you want your child yo have an open mind to life and the world!!

NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:07 PM
You are obtuse. My husband or i will tell the kids we are wrong. We don't throw the other parent under the bus and say they are wrong. Example: my husband said "no computer in the summer at all." I felt it was wrong and we privately talked about limits and things like rainy days. My husband then talked to my son about changing his own rule. Though its my idea i do not over rule my husband to the kids. We each are responsible for taking back our own errors in parenting. I hope this is finally clear enough for you.

Quoting GaleJ:I read correctly I just don't agree...AT ALL. I've never understood that idea, that somehow because you're a parent you're omnipotent. As parents we are human, no more no less and as such there are times when we will be wrong...even times when we will be stunningly, amazingly wrong. We never tried to cover that up with our son. We always believed that to admit our humanness was to teach that the strength of ourselves as humans was that we could be wrong but could learn. To put forth this unified front is, in my opinion, hypocritical and rather silly since our children usually are quickly able to see through such a front. 
Quoting NDADanceMom:Wow. Learn to read. I would expect my husband look within himself and put to words why he feels a particular way. That doesn't mean i condone racism. For the record my husband is not racist at all. I wouldn't marry a racist to begin with. My point is my husband and i are united in public, privately i tell him or he tells me when we disagree.
I would never ever ever tell my children that they don't need to listen to their dad. What i do instead is have a talk with him and we build a unified message. It would be his responsibility to tell the kids he was incorrect.
That said we share the same values. I have never had to talk to him about anything other than not agreeing about computer time, dating ages, etc. if he makes a rule i don't agree with it would be up to him to tell the kids the rule is changed and why. I don't announce that dad is wrong.

Quoting GaleJ:To countenance such bigotry for the sake of family unity and to preserve the idea of "a unified message" is just plain WRONG, and to do it in this situation multiplies the wrongness. This child is being given a very negative and wrong message and the way in which the husband is giving that message can hurt her sense of self as well as presenting her with the idea that such bigotry is acceptable. Our children will live in a much more diverse world, a world in which people will be of different races and cultures, religions and spiritual beliefs, and gender identity. It will be important for our children to be able to accept those people for who they are and not how they look and not judge them superficially. They will be at a great disadvantage if they are taught to dislike or hate people who are different from themselves and that is, ultimately, what the message is when biracial marriage is considered wrong just because it is biracial. 
Quoting NDADanceMom:I would talk privately with my husband and hope that he would approach our daughter. I would expect that he explain why he is uncomfortable in a mature manner. I would hope that as a family we can have a unified message. I think its ok to be uncomfortable but its important to be able to articulate those reasons and hopefully come to an understanding of acceptance and love even when we don't agree.
No matter what the issue i don't side against my husband publicly. I respect his choices and ability to be reasoned with.

Imjustinsmommy
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:19 PM

wow that's hard.. i dont like to go against dh i like us on the same page and thankfully we usually are. this is a pretty big topic to not agree on though.  if i was in your situtaion, id go against dh.. bc its  imo not good for her to haev these limits on  her feelings.. if she likes him.. so be it! if she liked girls then what? i mean you can't make them feel bad about who they are for who they like right?

 bottom line here at this age/ she is NOT going to marry bruno lol & she is going to have many crushes myparents  were also against interacial  couples.. they also wanted me w/in my religion too.. well i had crushes on all types of guys  & all races.. I ended up with someone of my race not bc he is only bc i fell for him..  but we arent the same religion.. 

 they didnt like it at 1st & my sister married the same religion.. well she;s miserable with her dh &  he turned out to me an ass.. now my parents think my dh is awesome lol.. sometimes ya gotta look beyond race, gender, religion.. IMO.. & just find who you love & who loves you & it works out perfectly its  nto her job to find who YOU want or daddy to want her to like.. its her life..  ya know? drugs  and other stuff is another story.. but in these cases.. i want my kids to feel  its their choice.

needadvice1983
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Your DH is wrong! You are doing right by your DD by teaching her that love is blind to color. Break the cycle of hatred in your family. Good for you mama!
Maya_bee
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Well my s/o and I are from a different race and we have different religion as well, its about the person and not from where he came from, its about keeping your mind open, we get along just fine and love each other very much

lemonriot
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 5:28 PM

My father once told me never to date a mexican. Now my last name is Garcia. 

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