Emotionally destroyed??? Need help!! Piog
At 18 I met the one I wanted to die with! We had two babies together and then he started changing after 5yrs of marriage! He was very abusive to me out entire marriage but I stuck it out because he was my true love (still is) and I didn't care what he did to me as long as my kids were safe! Well I had a friend who had just turned 18 and she used to watch my kids for me while I would go to work and she was a big whore!! I mean big! Well I came home from work one day and went to check my email and I thought I was on mine and I was on hers and saw my husbands email account on there with naked pictures of her that she had sent to him!! Our marriage ended there!! I packed all his shit and took it to his mothers and fathers house! Well they ended up dating and he drifted away from the kids! I never stopped loving him like I did before I just knew I would rather be alone after what he did! Well we decided to try and work things out and we were talking a lot more and spending time together and then he died! He had a heart condition that just killed him! Well I was there for everyone through this but no one was there for me! In his obituary they named his gf as his fiancé to make her feel better and refused to put my last name on there because it was the same as his! His gf at her speech told everyone they have been secretly dating and involved for over a yr and publicly together for only a few months! I was pissed and ready to kill her right there!!! A year went by and then I packed up and moved two states away to start over with my children! My father in law then 2 months after we moved shot himself and my b*tch of a mil is telling everyone I am the reason he shot himself which is false!! He couldn't live without his son that's why he did it!! He and I were so close it's not even funny! Well since everything happened with my husband I haven't been able to have any good relationships or even move on at all!! I'm broken inside and all I want is him back! I am pregnant by someone I was seeing for a very short period of time and of course like I always do I ended it with him right before I found out I was pregnant! My question to you is how do I move on with relationships and my life if I still love my husband as if he was here!! I would die for him to be here its crazy!! I just want him back more than anything!