Advertisement
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Emotionally destroyed??? Need help!! Piog

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:52 AM
  • 51 Replies
Okay here is my story!! It's long so please bare with me and give me advice!!
At 18 I met the one I wanted to die with! We had two babies together and then he started changing after 5yrs of marriage! He was very abusive to me out entire marriage but I stuck it out because he was my true love (still is) and I didn't care what he did to me as long as my kids were safe! Well I had a friend who had just turned 18 and she used to watch my kids for me while I would go to work and she was a big whore!! I mean big! Well I came home from work one day and went to check my email and I thought I was on mine and I was on hers and saw my husbands email account on there with naked pictures of her that she had sent to him!! Our marriage ended there!! I packed all his shit and took it to his mothers and fathers house! Well they ended up dating and he drifted away from the kids! I never stopped loving him like I did before I just knew I would rather be alone after what he did! Well we decided to try and work things out and we were talking a lot more and spending time together and then he died! He had a heart condition that just killed him! Well I was there for everyone through this but no one was there for me! In his obituary they named his gf as his fiancé to make her feel better and refused to put my last name on there because it was the same as his! His gf at her speech told everyone they have been secretly dating and involved for over a yr and publicly together for only a few months! I was pissed and ready to kill her right there!!! A year went by and then I packed up and moved two states away to start over with my children! My father in law then 2 months after we moved shot himself and my b*tch of a mil is telling everyone I am the reason he shot himself which is false!! He couldn't live without his son that's why he did it!! He and I were so close it's not even funny! Well since everything happened with my husband I haven't been able to have any good relationships or even move on at all!! I'm broken inside and all I want is him back! I am pregnant by someone I was seeing for a very short period of time and of course like I always do I ended it with him right before I found out I was pregnant! My question to you is how do I move on with relationships and my life if I still love my husband as if he was here!! I would die for him to be here its crazy!! I just want him back more than anything!
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:52 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
KendallsMommee
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:16 AM
6 moms liked this
You need to seek counseling.
Whovian82
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM
3 moms liked this

"At 18 I met the one I wanted to die with"  No you didn't.  No healthy relationship starts at 18.  People are in the midst of changing and growing too much.  get over it.  Be an independant individual before you even consider dating again. 

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:29 AM

you need to take a break from dating until you have finished grieving... how long that will take I can't say but... don't even attempt a relationship until you have learned to be content within yourself and your children. you will get there it may not seem like it right now but you will... all these failed relationships are just aggravating your wounded heartso leave them alone. I know kind of rambly but I hope you get my point.

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:34 AM

counseling.  

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Counseling specifically for grief and then counseling for personal growth.  There may be a support group nearby for grief and/or young widows.

chickieboom
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Look into some grief counseling groups. It sounds like you really need someone that you can air everything out with, who can also teach you some coping tools, and help you process your grief. It's something I would suggest you look into soon because you may start spiraling out of control.
LADYxGHOST
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 3:01 AM
3 moms liked this

You need therapy. I amnot saying that to be mean. You lost your dearest and deepest love. You were a victim of abuse, and went through a tragic loss of your marriage and then when you thought you might get it back, you lost the one you loved. You where not supported by his family in your grief, instead you where minimized. You then suffered another loss of someone you cared about and rather then those that loved him include you in the grieving process, you get blamed. Then you get pregnant.  That is a lot of shit to deal with and honestly it is too much to do alone. I presume you do not have close personal fmaily ties that are supportive since they where not mentioned (and if they sat around while you where a victim of domestic abuse then honestly how supportive could they be?) Regardless of if you should have loved him, should have stayed, should have wanted to get back together, you did love him and want those things.  Unless you get help dealing with all you have been through, you either will never open up to anyone on a deep level or end up with another man who will abuse you and this time he may not stop just at you.  You need to get to a better place your your sake and for the sake of your children.  It will not be easy and it will challenge you to challenge your views.  But it will also give you a place to get support in processing your grief and healing what is broken inside.  Perhaps you can not choose you you love, but you can choose to make the steps to a better you.

jhslove
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:42 AM
2 moms liked this

I echo everyone else--counseling. There are a whole mess of issues here, some related to your grief (which it doesn't sound like you've fully been able to process), some related to the serious disfunction in your family, and some related to issues that are yours and yours alone. Get into therapy ASAP.

Also, don't date or have sex until you get your issues figured out. I'm not trying to be mean, but it doesn't sound like you're in any kind of a position to be having another child right now. Focus on getting yourself healthy and providing a stable environment for your children (if I understand correctly, you have two children and are pregnant with a third?)

kaseyrenee264
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:52 AM

When I was 17, I met someone that I wasnt looking at long term but just wanted to have fun with, Ten years and 2 kids later, he cheated on me at a party with a mutual friend. I took him back and it lasted a few months, until he left and moved in with a teenager. He was like 27. We did the joint custody thing for a while and it was working out. One day he left and My girls or myself havent heard from him in 4 years. I even filed a missing persons report. He is apparently alive and well and still with this girl bouncing from house to house, He may be married, he may have other kids, I really dont know. But I had a really hard time with it, Im still not over it and I still dream of him. A part of me wonders everytime there is a knock on the door if it was him. Part of me still wonders what I would do if he wanted me back. Not completlety like your problem but you arent alone, I think of him all the time. 

emmy526
by Emmy on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this

You need professional grief counseling..that is how you finally move on with your life...have someone help you, for the sake of your kids

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)