See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
I am a divorced mum of two beautiful children, 4 and 6. Their father and I have been divorced for going on 4 years now. We share legal custody but he rarely visits the children and we haven't seen or heard from him in 3 months now. His visits are pretty much at whim. He has only called the children 4 times in 4 years. He has stopped paying CS all together.
Like many children of divorce, my kids struggle with it. There are times when they seem to forget that he ever existed- they go along perfectly happy and don't ask about him at all.
There are other times, like the last few weeks, when my daughter (6) cries about it every single day. She asks me to call him, text him, ask him to come pick her up. My heart really started breaking when she started writing him letters and asking me to mail them. I don't have his address and he won't give it to me. I tried bringing it to the post office to see if they would just mail it anyway like they do letters to Santa but the guy was super rude to me so I gave up on that idea.
Now, their father does not answer the phone when I call, nor does he return phone calls. He also works wacky hours so I'm never sure when he's available. We also have a very volatile past so all communication and contact is being kept at a bare minimum.
I have always taken the approach that in time, my kids will realize that dad just doesn't care that much...and as heart breaking as it is, that's just a hard lesson that people have to learn in life. I don't feel like I can really protect them from learning that, nor would it be beneficial for them for me to shelter them from that.
At the same time, I don't want to pour salt on any wounds. Should I just start letting her call him from my phone? If he answers, he answers. If he doesn't...maybe she'll learn eventually?
I also had the idea that I could set her up an email account so she can write him any time she wants to and he can write her also. The only problem with this idea is that I would have to help her write the emails because I don't allow her to use the computer unsupervised and she isn't that technologically advanced yet.
Or do I just keep hugging her and reassuring her that she has lots of people who love her and hope that this will pass?
Hope someone can help.....desperate to help my kids. Thanks.