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stay at home or go to work?

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:03 PM
  • 10 Replies
I am a stay at home mom. I have two amazing boys. Lately i am starting to wonder if i should go back to work. My husband works 70-80 hrs a week and we never see him. I feel like my marriage is falling apart. I feel like i`m angry all of the time. I am frustrated beyond belief but i dont want my kids to suffer. They see their daddy about three days a week for about two hours a day. If i go back to work they wont see either of us. Please help idont know what to do.
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:03 PM
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by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:04 PM

Why would it be better for them not to see either of you? My husband works a lot too and my kids only see him for like an hour each day except when he finally has a day off.  It works for our family though.  They cherish those times with their dad, and they have the other parent at home with them at all times. 

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:06 PM
If you go back to work will he still work as much as he does now? If so, and you don't need the money, then I would say don't go back to work because all that will do is have you stressed about daycare and not seeing your boys.

If it would make it so he works only 40 hours a week, and you can all have a couple days off together each week, then I say go back to work, it would be best for your marriage and family unit.

But if its not going to change how much he works at all, then it doesn't make any sense to me to leave your kids with someone else while you work, kwim?
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by Sapphire Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:08 PM

Welcome to the group,
If you go back to work who will watch the kids?  Will your DH be able to cut his hours down?
Tough call.  Good luck & let us know what you decide :)

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 how old are the kids? if they are school aged, i would say get a part time job when school starts up, if they are little, i say stay home. my husband is never home right now thanks to rotation, and only sees the kids for an hour or 2 in the evening. during the day, I am with them. as soon as the baby starts school, I will go back to work, until then, I will be home with them.

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:22 PM
My boys are 2 and 3. I am just tired of being alone all the time. My dh hasnt had a day off in over 6 months. I just feel angry at him all the time. I know it sounds petty. I am just frustrated and lonely
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:26 PM
Quoting cillasouth:

My boys are 2 and 3. I am just tired of being alone all the time. My dh hasnt had a day off in over 6 months. I just feel angry at him all the time. I know it sounds petty. I am just frustrated and lonely

Its not petty, I totally get where you're coming from. At the same time unless your husband can work less because you start working it can only make the situation worse. You won't have anymore time together, you have less time with your kids and you have to worry about childcare. I understand what you're saying but you still need to be practical about the situation kwim
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:26 PM

Aww, yea I would stay on with the babies. Unless you working a little meant your dh could be home more and you could all be a closer family that way.

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:46 PM


I had the same issue two years ago and I decided to work from home I found a company called and that saved my marrage and gave me the opportunity to be with my son Benjamin. I am now working with AT&T and Agero I provide customer service. I love it. With my income my husband work less and we have more time as a family. You can check ou this option.

Good luck!!

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:00 PM

i feel what you are saying.  no matter how much you do or how much you sacrifice...if you are not making your own money and producing for someone else?...where else are you going to get any recognition at all!  most of us realize that staying at home is a huge sacrifice!  i would love to put on heels, be told how beautiful and smart i am everyday, have lunch with peers...on and on.  i was fortunate enough to have a father who really appreciated my mother!  after work he would always let her go out for a walk or have some private time.  he helped around the house and knew what a huge job running a "successful and loving" home is!  i am sorry that you do not feel appreciated.  you need to fill some of your time with some things that YOU love.  classes or gym?  i would continue...for my children...staying home...and i do.   but man, how fast everything would change if i walked out that door to a job...and believe me.  it would be for me more than anyone!  my baby will be going to kindergarten this year.  i won't get a full time job, because i think the mom should really be there when the kids come home...but i will definitely start taking care of my self-esteem!  good luck and i am so sorry that your heart is not being filled.  prayers for you!

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:27 PM

You do need support, there's no doubting that. But I think you may be able to find it while reinvesting yourself in your home and kids. The concept of "investing" is an important one, I think. 

So often we see ourselves getting the life and breath sucked out of us by our kids. But look at the picture slightly askance. See the tangents of possibility. 

Make a list of all your red-letter experieces in life, as far back as you can. All the great stuff you really enjoyed from as far back as you can remember. Write them down chronologically on a legal pad. What kind of skills, talents and abilities were you using when you did each of these things that you really loved? Write the skills, talents, etc,  down for each one. (Make up a code.) Now add up the common threads. You will come up with areas of interest that you might consider doing for a hobby, taking a class, volunteering in the community, or starting a group of your own.

Mothers & More is an organization for thinking moms. See if there's a chapter in your area. They discuss all kinds of topics, go on field trips and organize events. And if you don't have a good babysitter to come in and give you a reprieve so you can get out for a few hours (taking that class, or attending a volunteer function, etc., call your local home school association and ask for a high school girl with references who is Red Cross babysitter certified. They should know infant CPR. Very important.

You can both reinvent AND reinvest yourself while your kids are still young. I did that with my kids and ended up with a writing job.  

I think  kids at 2 and 4 still need mom every day. You are your children's most important teacher. They are learning about the world and developing their language skills through you, so never underestimate your importance. (Just engaging with them in their play everyday will boost their reading scores later on!) 

You can not only become the best SAHM you can be, you can become a more interesting YOU! I did self-study in nutrition and natural healing. I did sewing projects and always had a volunteer activity. Some places only need you to come in once or twice a month.

You can research child development and engage the kids in activities that they need at their present stages to enhance their learning. To me, being an involved mom meant being up on brain development and how to raise an emotionally healty child. 

You can also work on YOU at the same time. Begin a new adventure as an involved, community-minded mom. You can be a neighborhood watch representative if you like. Some of these groups are doing great work in crime prevention online through networking. (If you don't have one, contact your police dept. or go to their website.) Many police departments also use volunteers for all kinds of things. You can join a homeschool group that has preschoolers' activities and field trips. Get into their loop. Or organize some of your own. 

These can be your very best years. And you can put a lot of what you do on your resume - for when the kids are in school.

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