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My 10yo thinks she's fat...I'm failing...added pics, bottom of page one

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:18 PM
  • 25 Replies
1 mom liked this
Mommy fail #7264....my 10 yo was trying to change out of a new dress she just bought because it makes her look fat...so she thinks. Now, I have noticed lately that she is putting on a few pounds, but she is perfectly healthy and I haven't said anything to her about the little belly she has. She's fairly active, she is about 4'9" and weighs about 80 lbs, I think that's perfect. She is a bigger girl, tall for her age and she's definitely solid, and she still has her baby fat belly.

So when she first said something, I brushed her off and told her to stop being ridiculous, then she started crying :(. So we had a nice long talk about how she is healthy and by no means fat. We talked about how she will thin out and lose the "baby fat" as she becomes a teenager, and then how she will gain some back as she gets older ;). We talked about my size (I am 4"11' and weigh about 120, I'm bigger than I ever have been not pregnant, but I'm healthy and pretty average, though I do have my little problem areas ;) and how she is almost my size but weighs a lot less, we talked about every body being different, and how if as she gets older she is unhappy, we can focus on eating healthier and exercising. We talked about how those things are good for your body anyway, and how she is a pretty healthy and active kid.

I think the talk helped, I told her how beautiful she is and that she has nothing to worry about at all. I asked if anyone had called her names or picked on her, and she said no. I am going to take a better look at myself and how I talk about my body in front of her. I told her that even if I make a joke, I am happy with my body and I don't think I'm fat. I explained how sometimes we might find clothes that we don't like how they look on us, it's the same as knowing that red is not my color. We like clothes that make us feel good, but that is not what defines us.

Boy, I really hope that talk helped. I have wanted nothing more than to have confident, happy children, as I was very much the opposite when I was a kid. I want her to be comfortable and happy with who she is. I will not be talking negatively about my body around the kids anymore and I will be sure to remind her how beautiful she is and let her know when she looks extra nice in something.

Would you have done or said anything different? Any advice for the future of this debacle?
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jlmc
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:23 PM
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I think you handled it pretty good. I don't know if I would have told her she was gonna thin out,  she may not. Some people are built that way and it may stick through those teenage years and you don't want her disapointed but talking about different body types was good. I think you did great mama, 10 year olds are tough.

SuthernBelleo0o
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:30 PM
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I think you handled it very well! I also have had to stop saying negative things about how fat I am (even tho I am. I am 5'3 234 lbs, I was trying to lose weight but I got pregnant, I havent gained any weight yet and hope I dont gain a lot. I also plan to lose the weight after the baby is born) Because my 7 year old son has been getting self conscious about his body. He is about 4 feet tall maybe taller and 67 lbs. he is skin and bones pretty much, but he's noticed me weighing in everyday and i noticed he's been doing the same thing. I tell him he's crazy and not fat, but he says I dont wanna get fat so i need to weigh myself.. I hope my negative talk and constantly weighing in hasn't permanately ruined my baby because he is so handsome and there isnt an inch of fat on him.

fivegirls333
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:47 PM

you did a good job.  this is such a sensitive age and time.  i would make sure that the kitchen was full of fruit and all of the crap would be gone.  i have five girls.  i make sure they all have one art and one athletic activity at all times.  the f word is not allowed in this house.  i make sure they walk and ride their bikes and we park far away at stores...just because.  no matter what, they are perfect, but i make sure their surroundings only promote health!...and that includes eating!  it is hard to see a healthy kid anymore!  they are either obese or starving themselves...ugh!  good luck!

pinkfairy0206
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with the other ladies,this is a very hard time for our girls. My oldest girl is 10 1/2. She's also noticing her body, 5'tall. I'm 5'8,I had a hard time growing up and being chubby:( I don't want her to go through what I did. She's very active physically. And she has a lot of friends:) I.hope that sticks:)
sallymaggie
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this
You're NOT failing!
NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 1:54 PM

She doesnt have baby fat a decade later.  I really cant judge what your child looks like because there is not a picture but a 10 year old shouldnt have a belly.  If she is chubby, which your description makes her sound like she is, she may not be as active and healthy as you think.  

Like I said, I have no way of knowing what she looks like but I met a woman at a party and she was talking about her daughter in a similar way you talk about yours.  "shes a little big" "she is active" "she eats healthy".  When I saw the girl she was clearly in the obese range for a child.  Im not sure if its that she doesnt see enough kids to compare or she just doesnt want to see it.  

I would talk to your childs doctor about her size. 

TJandKarasMom
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:18 PM
Our doctor has had no concerns about her size at all. I will see if I can add a picture, I'm mobile but ill see if I can figure it out.


Quoting NDADanceMom:

She doesnt have baby fat a decade later.  I really cant judge what your child looks like because there is not a picture but a 10 year old shouldnt have a belly.  If she is chubby, which your description makes her sound like she is, she may not be as active and healthy as you think.  

Like I said, I have no way of knowing what she looks like but I met a woman at a party and she was talking about her daughter in a similar way you talk about yours.  "shes a little big" "she is active" "she eats healthy".  When I saw the girl she was clearly in the obese range for a child.  Im not sure if its that she doesnt see enough kids to compare or she just doesnt want to see it.  

I would talk to your childs doctor about her size. 


TJandKarasMom
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Mobile Photo

Certainly not the best picture, but it's the best I have on my phone that gives you an idea how thin she is.
TJandKarasMom
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:25 PM

Mobile Photo

Here's another, you can't really see her body, but if you've seen enough people in your life, you can tell she is by no means fat.
TJandKarasMom
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 2:26 PM
The are a couple pictures above this post.


Quoting NDADanceMom:

She doesnt have baby fat a decade later.  I really cant judge what your child looks like because there is not a picture but a 10 year old shouldnt have a belly.  If she is chubby, which your description makes her sound like she is, she may not be as active and healthy as you think.  

Like I said, I have no way of knowing what she looks like but I met a woman at a party and she was talking about her daughter in a similar way you talk about yours.  "shes a little big" "she is active" "she eats healthy".  When I saw the girl she was clearly in the obese range for a child.  Im not sure if its that she doesnt see enough kids to compare or she just doesnt want to see it.  

I would talk to your childs doctor about her size. 


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