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should I or should I not?

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 1:32 AM
  • 12 Replies

 

my 18 year old started dating a 20 year old who lives with her mother and now he's 19 and she is 21. She is asking me can my son spend a night at her mother's house with her. She said that he mother don't mind because she is grown. I told her that I think that it is disrepectful for my son to spend a night with her, especially at her mother's house. I told her that I raised him to be repectful and it will be desrepectful to her and her mother if my son spent a night, I told her I rather he take her to a hotel then to spend a night at her mother's house. I am wondering if I am doing the right thing or I am being to old fashion. I was raised  in church and was that you don't spend a night with a man unless he was your husband. I am being to hard on my son. 

by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 1:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:13 AM

Why not talk to the other mother since you are involved with their lives already?  I do not see the issue though if her mom is fine with it since both are legally adults now. Spending the night could be as simple as watching a movie and fallling asleep.  Stayin the night would save someone's life since they do not have to wake up and be groggy to drive to their respective home.

ARIAandME
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:53 AM

I love that you stick to your roots, and are old fashion. Personally since he is an adult, and she did come to you and ask I would let him, but that's my preference. Everyone has a different way of parenting so I think you should do what you think is right. 

undiaalavez
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 8:38 AM
I see your point. I think you shouldn't be hard on him, trust in him that he is doing the right thing. Keeping him from things are only going to make him want to lash out. At least she was respectful enough I step up and ask, and if that's not enough comfort ask her mother. Just keep in mind even tho they are home and should abide by the rules, they are also legal adults.
erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this

If they were truly adults they would have their own places.  You claim to be old fashioned but condone them sleeping together at a hotel?  None of my adult children are allowed to sleep with others under my roof. I wouldn't be accepting of my 19 year old child sleeping with his girlfriend at her mommies. This is behavior behavior is for their own roofs d not parents

RADmomma
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 10:40 AM
Eehh... That's no big deal in my family. I spent the night with bfs in high school.

But if your not comfortable then sit them both down & discuss it. Come to a compromise that works for your family
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by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:10 PM

Hi there,
I like the idea/suggestion of speaking with the other Mom,
While they are *technically* adults .. still respect does matter.
Good luck & let us know what happens ;)

momto3B
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:23 PM

I would not let my son shack up in a girl's mom's house. Not unless he was visiting long distance  and they slept seperately. 

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:39 PM

 I would ask the mother directly.  I think he is being mature and showing you respect by asking you.  He could have just done it and not said anything.  I agree with some of the others, they are adults now.

pinkcoffeecup
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:45 PM

I think your doing right. I know if my son still lived at home. He would not bring a girl home to mess around. Or he would not go to her parents house with her to do the same. 

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:48 PM
I don't think you're being too hard on your son but I do think you're sending mixed messages. If you don't think a man and woman should sleep together unless they're married, sending them to a hotel won't make them married, they're still 2 single people sleeping together. You're essentially approving the act, just not the locatio which is the opposite of your 2nd to last sentence..

I commend them for coming to you and discussing it first. I think it's fair to assume most wouldn't and would sneak around.
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