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My husband travels for work and hangs out at the pool with his boss until 9:30 not even having dinner yet

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:47 PM
  • 13 Replies

Im soo done. My dh travels almost every week and I am left basically as a single mother. He usually doesnt do things like this but tonight is different.... fyi, we have been undergoing counelsing for a couple of months. We have a gorgeous little girl togehter.

So tonight, I call him around bedtime because last night he read and sung to our daugther over the phone which put her to sleep. She wanted for him to do the same tonight.

He says he has been at the pool with this boss discussing work, mind you it is 9:30pm in NY? & also,no dinner yet so he cant read to her tonight. He also said he has only had one beer.Needless to say, I am very upset and say I cant believe you are just hanging out at the pool and drinking and you havent even had dinner yet? He has the nerve to say "so what". I just hang up and hault the conversation because I dont want my daughter to hear any more. Now she is crying, saying she just wants daddy to read to her.

Im so upset. What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?


by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:47 PM
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by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:54 PM

How old is your daughter? maybe I missed that. Anyway I can see an issue if he does this daily but you said he doesn't. Sometimes we have to kiss ass to make it in the work world. If you trust him the only issue should be that he didn't read to your daughter.

by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:54 PM
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So, I understand being upset with the bedtime thing. But unless his boss is a decade younger than him and a woman .... I agree; so what if he hasn't eaten? So what if they've been talking biz all evening? What are you all in counseling for? Trust issues or Mom issues?

( don't surprised if you get torn a new one by the single moms, some feel " like" is no near "actually" being a single mom)
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:08 PM

I don't want to be harsh and I do understand how difficult it can be to feel as though you have to handle it all when he's working but you must realize that HE IS WORKING. His schedule is probably not of his own creation and you can't hold that against him even if it seems as though he is enjoying himself while you are left alone with a little one. 

I had to deal with a similar situation when my son was little and I had to try and keep the focus where it belonged...on the fact that both my husband and I were doing what had to be done for our family at that moment. That my husband's work sometimes seemed to be equal parts work and goofing off was just the way it was for his work and it certainly wasn't his choice. 

As to him helping to put your little one to sleep that's lovely when it is possible but again it may not fit the reality and it isn't fair to the little one to let her come to expect it. 

Try to build yourself a support network of friends, maybe family members or other moms, and call on them for company when your husband is away working. Please PM me if I can help you in any way.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:21 PM
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My df is traveling this week and next for work too, and he does fairly often, so I get where your coming from to a point. My df has gone out a couple of the nights with a bunch of people from work while I have been home taking care of the kids and it sucks. I'm almost jeslous of him for getting to go out, and the co-workers for getting that time with him. However, I don't think it's reasonable that you expect him to stay in every night and never go to dinner or do anything. He is away from home and therefor can't be with you guys. He has to do something in the evenings. I think your upset and the feelings you have aren't aimed correctly. For example, I found myself getting really upset about him going out one evening this week and it dawned on me that what I was really upset about was how much fun he was having without me and I felt disconnected from his life. We talked it out and agreed we needed a date night when he got back for us to have fun together

Maybr yours is the same way. Just a thought. :-)
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by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:37 PM
I went through the same thing with dh. We've been doing the whole him working out of state thing (gone mon-fri, home on the weekends) for a year and a half. It's no fun.
We've had nights like that. It's really hard. And I get really jealous sometimes that he just has to worry about himself, goes out to eat etc. but then remember he is missing out on so much in the kids lives.

Your dh is missing a lot too. I'm telling you leave the small things go. Maybe record him reading her favorite book--that way on nights like tonight you can play it for her. Not saying he's totally off the hook--but you have to pick your fights.
Good luck it's not easy. And it hasn't got easier for us. We just get into a routine and stick with it.
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by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 12:03 AM

 I understand being upset that your husband wont sing or read to your daughter, but hes a grown man, who cares if its 9:30 at night and he hasnt had dinner. I'm sure he wont let himself starve.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 6:47 AM
Also keep in mind currently the Northeast is in middle of a heat wave and eating before 9:30 is crazy because it too damn hot. Sorry I know it isn't what you wanted to hear but it is probably crazy hot and they are chilling out by the pool before going to eat.
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 6:55 AM
I used to travel for work and we kept crazy hours. It was very common to eat dinner late (especially in NY, the city that never sleeps). I think expecting him to read to your DD every night while he's gone is an unrealistic expectation and sets her up for disappointment. As for eating, he's a grown man...he can eat dinner when he wants or even skip dinner if he so chooses. To get mad over that is crazy IMO. As my DD would say, you're not the boss of him.

This is his job. Don't interfere with it.
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by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:07 AM

She is 3. He has only read to her one other time while being gone. 

by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:12 AM

Thank you all for your replies. This is the first time I have ever posted anything. After sleeping on it & reading all of the replies, I realize I was overreacting. Thanks for the support. I will definitely post again.

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