I wish I had never gotten pregnant
In January I met him by feb we were pregnant. I try so hard to make things work but he is so immature and selfish. In April we moved in together and started rented a house. Splitting the bills was the plan but getting any money from him for the bills was like pulling teeth. He would go out to the bar with other girls from work and not come home until the bar closed and blow all of his tips on booze or go lose it all at the casino. Then when rent was past due he would start to give me some to pay the for it. I was under so much stress. I have a great credit score of 724. I've alway paid my bills and been responsible and felt like I was falling deeper into this black hole with each passing day. My job let me go because of the pregnancy and my savings was just dwindling so I moved in with my mom.
I feel numb and depressed with this situation I've gotten myself into and I don't know how to get my old self back.. DD and I are still together and he has been staying at my moms with me but I feel like its only a matter of time until I throw in the towel and give up because I feel like he is immature, not that into me and just using me. I honestly don't know why I'm still with him. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and scared that I'm not going to be able to do this on my own? Or that I'm hoping he will grow up after the baby is born but I know that is unrealistic. I don't know anymore.
He consistently accuses me of cheating on him even though I never go anywhere and he is the one going out all the time getting drunk and leaving me at home.
We have a trip planned to go out of town for a few days with my mom and her bf and dd just told me he pretty much had planned on leaving me with my mom and her bf while he goes and hangs out with his buddies that live there because I'm pregnant. I don't why it hurts me so much. I should have expected this. After all he is just repeating his current behavior. I'm such an idiot, what the hell am I doing!!? I wish this all made sense in my heart like it does in my mind and instead of setting here crying I could just tell him to F-off and go play with someone else's emotions.